Roseanne Season 7, Episode 9: White Men Can't Kiss

1

Nine Is Enough

Space limitations prompt Dan and Roseanne to boot Becky and Mark; Dan must shave his armpits to treat a cyst, and Roseanne finds his new look sexually appealing. Jackie moves out when Fred accuses her of smothering the baby; and Roseanne reveals that she has not caught Mark's flu.

23 min

2

Two for One

Dan is anxious at the thought of Roseanne having another child; Roseanne is upset to discover that Darlene is seeing a college student and that David has accepted it.

23 min

3

Snoop Davey Dave

Smarting over being dumped by Darlene, David tells her parents that she has been experimenting with drugs at college.

23 min

4

Girl Talk

Dan, Mark, and Fred indulge in a little "girl talk" and are horrified to discover what their respective wives have told each other about the men's sexual preferences and dysfunctions.

23 min

5

Sleeper

David has to move in with D.J. when the basement is flooded; David hesitantly admits to Becky that he had an erotic dream; she assumes it was about her; D.J. tells Mark, who tries to beat up David; then David confesses the dream was really about Roseanne.

23 min

6

Skeleton in the Closet

Leon outdoes himself hosting a Halloween soiree with the Lunch Box clan and a bevy of his gay friends, many of whom seem to know Fred intimately. Meanwhile, Jackie and Roseanne visit Bev's hairdresser and become convinced that she wears a wig.

23 min

7

Follow the Son

D.J. wants out of his busboy job at the Lunch Box, and David wants to put the kibosh on Darlene's moving in with her new squeeze Jimmy -- who misinterprets David's obsessive interest in him.

23 min

8

Punch and Jimmy

An impromptu visit to Darlene's apartment gives Roseanne a clear picture of what Jimmy is all about. Meanwhile at home, Dan finds himself a bit fuzzy on parenting skills: D.J. is being beaten up by a bully, and taking it out on David.

23 min

9

White Men Can't Kiss

D.J.'s refusal to kiss a black student in the school play brings Dan and Roseanne face to face with their own racial prejudices.

23 min

10

Thanksgiving '94

Thanksgiving is a real turkey at the Conner household when Roseanne gets alarming medical news she can't confirm with the pre-natal clinic, and Nana Mary arrives with a feeble husband on her arm -- then upsets Bev by discussing the two abortions Nana Mary had years ago.

23 min

11

Maybe Baby

Roseanne is warring with Dan and in a dither over her upcoming second medical test, which may require a difficult decision -- one she believes is hers alone to make.

23 min

12

The Parenting Trap

Dan takes the bull by the horns after he learns that D.J. isn't performing well in school. Meanwhile, to Roseanne's horror, Darlene seems genuinely impressed with David's dimwitted new girlfriend.

23 min

13

Rear Window

The Connors get an eyeful from a new elderly neighbor couple who enjoy nudity in their home but are all too visible from Roseanne and Dan's bedroom. Meanwhile, Mark is so convinced that he is losing Becky to David that he asks Darlene for help.

23 min

14

My Name is Bev

After Bev is charged with drunken driving, Jackie and Roseanne accompany her to a compulsory AA seminar. Her new resolve of sobriety on Super Bowl Sunday wreaks havoc with Dan's keg party.

23 min

15

Bed and Bored

Roseanne feigns illness to get some rest, but grows bored instead; Jackie confronts Bev about having been a rotten mother to her.

23 min

16

Sisters

Sibling rivalries fester when Jackie complains to Roseanne about D.J.'s annoying visits, and Roseanne lures Darlene home.

23 min

17

Lost Youth

Jealousies mount between David and Mark over vulnerable Lunch Box waitress Stacy, whom David asks to pose for a wall mural in the diner; Jackie complains to Fred that their lovemaking needs a shot in the arm, even though he likes it just the way it is.

23 min

18

Single Married Female

In Roseanne's absence, Dan gets unexpected advice from David after discovering a scandalous secret concerning Jackie.

23 min

19

The Clip Show: All About Rosey (1)

Youngsters Roseanne and Jackie visit a fortuneteller who gives them a peek into their futures via her crystal ball. In the future, Jackie takes an adult, autistic D.J. to see a psychiatrist.

23 min

20

The Clip Show: All About Rosey (2)

The "Sitcom Moms Welcome Wagon" visits Roseanne.

23 min

21

Husbands and Wives

Just as Fred gets ready to cave in and return home, Roseanne comes to regret sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong by trying to reunite him with Jackie.

23 min

22

Happy Trailers

Becky and Mark finally leave the Conner nest to move into a tacky trailer park, but when Roseanne and Dan try to help out financially, their offers are met with a wall of resistance. Meanwhile, a tipsy neighbor drops by to put out the trailer park welcome mat.

23 min

23

The Blaming of the Shrew

Dan puts his foot down when D.J. allows a pushy vixen to boss him around; and Jackie gets a few things off her chest when she and Fred visit a therapist to save their marriage.

23 min

24

The Birds and the Frozen Bees

Roseanne has a bee in her bonnet over the possibility that David may like another girl better than Darlene -- who risks losing him if she doesn't take her mom's advice and act fast.

23 min

25

Couch Potatoes

Because the Conners have been selected as a Neilsen family, Roseanne decrees that their household viewing habits must change.

23 min

26

Sherwood Schwartz: A Loving Tribute

A Gilligan's Island fantasy plays into the season finale, which finds Dan torn between pleasing Roseanne and building a boat for a future adventure. Dan becomes the Skipper, Leon becomes Mr. Howell, Bev becomes Mrs. Howell, Jackie becomes Gilligan, Darlene becomes Maryanne, and Roseanne becomes Ginger.

23 min