The Andy Griffith Show Season 5, Episode 22: If I Had a Quarter Million Dollars

1

Opie Loves Helen

Opie develops a crush on his teacher, Ms. Crump, and Andy sees that the only way to get Opie to forget about it is to admit to him that he and Helen are an "item."

25 min

2

Barney's Physical

New height and weight requirements go into effect for all law enforcement officers, which threatens to put Barney out of a job unless Andy can figure out a way to throw around some much-needed weight.

25 min

3

Family Visit

Aunt Bee's sister Nora and her family come to visit and drive everybody crazy. When Nora's husband starts going around town acting like a police officer, Andy decides to give him a taste of the life of a real lawman.

25 min

4

The Education of Ernest T. Bass

Ernest T. Bass returns to Mayberry to get an education so his girlfriend will marry him. But when he meets his new teacher Helen, he falls in love with her. Now Andy has to help Helen give Ernest all the facts he needs, including the one about the true object of his affection.

25 min

5

Aunt Bee's Romance

Aunt Bee's old flame Roger comes to town for a visit and starts driving Andy and Opie crazy. Andy tries to give him the benefit of the doubt for Aunt Bee's sake, until Roger threatens to stay forever.

25 min

6

Barney's Bloodhound

Barney buys an old bloodhound to help him and Andy track down a prison escapee, but he only succeeds in getting them both taken hostage. That's when Andy remembers the dog's one pet peeve.

25 min

7

Man in the Middle

A lover's spat between Barney and Thelma Lou blows out of proportion and ends up involving Andy and Helen. Soon all four are not speaking and it's up to Barney to fix things, but he'll have to make up with Thelma Lou first.

25 min

8

Barney's Uniform

Barney angers a local businessman who threatens to break every bone in his body if he sees him out of uniform, so Barney starts wearing his uniform everywhere. Andy has an idea to help him by changing a little more than his clothes.

25 min

9

Opie's Fortune

Opie finds a change purse with $50 and Andy tells him he can keep it if no one claims it in seven days. On the seventh day the owner comes looking for the money, and Andy discovers Opie has already spent it.

25 min

10

Goodbye, Sheriff Taylor

While Andy is away in Raleigh considering a job offer, Barney is left as acting sheriff and dreams of the day he'll have the job. When he ends up causing more trouble than he prevents, he wonders if he really wants the job as much as he thought.

25 min

11

The Pageant

Aunt Bee is elated when she is cast in the lead role in the Mayberry Centennial Pageant. When it becomes apparent she is not the actress she thinks she is, Andy devises a way for her to get a first-hand look at some real talent.

25 min

12

The Darling Baby

The Darling family returns to Mayberry seeking a future husband for their 3-month-old daughter. To Andy's horror, they choose Opie, and he finds he will have to scare up a little witchcraft to get out of this one.

25 min

13

Andy and Helen Have Their Day

Andy and Helen end up before a justice of the peace when Andy forgets his fishing license during their picnic. When word reaches Barney, he believes they are getting married and rounds up the whole gang to be there for the nuptials.

25 min

14

Three Wishes for Opie

Opie makes three wishes on a "magic lamp" Barney bought. When one of his wishes doesn't come true, Barney dismisses the whole thing. Opie learns there are many different ways for a wish to be granted.

25 min

15

Otis Sues the County

Otis is talked into suing the county by a shady lawyer, thinking Andy will support his efforts to attract more money for the courthouse. To his surprise, Andy decides to fight the case.

25 min

16

Barney Fife, Realtor

Andy catches Opie trying to sell his broken bike to a friend and teaches him a lesson in honest dealing. But when Barney talks Andy into selling his house, the lesson comes to haunt him as Opie points out all the faults of the Taylor house to Barney's potential buyers.

25 min

17

Goober Takes a Car Apart

Andy is horrified to find Goober has brought a car into the courthouse after being left in charge while Andy was away at a sheriff's conference. That's when he learns that a couple of law-enforcement friends from the conference are coming for a visit.

25 min

18

The Rehabilitation of Otis

Barney's attempts at getting Otis to stop drinking through psychotherapy only succeed in driving him away to Mount Pilot. When Andy sees how bad Barney feels, he takes him up to Mount Pilot to convince Otis to come back, only to find that Otis prefers their jail over Andy's.

25 min

19

The Lucky Letter

Barney feels he's become "hexed" after Andy persuades him to throw away a chain letter. Now with the annual law-enforcement officers' pistol-shooting qualifications coming up, Andy has to soothe Barney's nerves or he may lose his job.

25 min

20

Goober and the Art of Love

Goober starts to annoy Andy and Barney by hanging around during their dates with Helen and Thelma Lou. They decide to set him up with a girl he likes, only to find they now have twice the trouble.

25 min

21

Barney Runs for Sheriff

Andy is offered a job in Minnesota so Barney decides to run for sheriff in the upcoming election. But when Andy's job offer falls through, he returns to Mayberry to find Barney with a case of campaign fever, aiming to unseat Andy.

25 min

22

If I Had a Quarter Million Dollars

Barney sets up a sting operation to catch a crook who may be returning to Mayberry for some stolen loot and ends up arresting an undercover FBI agent instead. But a suspicious Andy realizes Barney's operation may not have been as far off as he thought.

25 min

23

TV or Not TV

An article written up about Andy attracts the attention of a Hollywood film crew who come to make a television show about him. Andy is flattered, until he notices the crew's strange fascination with the Mayberry town bank.

25 min

24

Guest in the House

The pretty daughter of a friend of Aunt Bee's comes to stay with the Taylors and develops a crush on Andy, who tries to be nice for Aunt Bee's sake without getting in trouble with Helen.

25 min

25

The Case of the Punch in the Nose

Barney uncovers an old assault case between Floyd the barber and his friend Charlie that never went to trial and ends up re-igniting an old feud that spreads to the whole town. Now Andy has to find a way to resolve the dispute and keep everyone out of court.

25 min

26

Opie's Newspaper

Opie and his friend decide to spice up the newspaper they've started with a gossip column, which works great until Andy and Aunt Bee realize it's mostly about them.

25 min

27

Aunt Bee's Invisible Beau

Andy and Barney go to investigate the man who Aunt Bee has told them she is dating and find out that not only is he married with children, but he has never dated Aunt Bee.

25 min

28

The Arrest of the Fun Girls

After arresting a couple of "fun girls" from Mount Pilot, Andy and Barney need to postpone their big date with Helen and Thelma Lou. Not wanting their dates to worry, Andy describes their prisoners as hard-bitten criminals. The ploy works, until Helen and Thelma Lou decide to make a surprise visit to the courthouse.

25 min

29

The Luck of Newton Monroe

Andy arrests a traveling salesman for selling faulty merchandise and puts him on work detail, where he manages to botch every job he's given. Now Andy has to restore the man's self-confidence and he may have to sacrifice his front porch to do it.

25 min

30

Opie Flunks Arithmetic

When Opie gets a D in math class, Andy tells him he can no longer play football after school and pressures him to study harder. When Opie's grade fails to improve, Andy feels helpless until Helen shows him how he may actually be contributing to the problem.

25 min

31

Opie and the Carnival

Opie goes to the carnival to try and win a present for Andy's birthday but ends up spending all his money on a crooked shooting gallery. When Andy hears about it, he visits the gallery himself to teach the operators a lesson in straight shooting.

25 min

32

Banjo-Playing Deputy

Andy feels responsible when a banjo player loses a job at the carnival, and tries to help him get back on his feet. The man only succeeds in making a mess of things and quickly loses his self-confidence, until he hears about a couple of purse robbers who are on the loose at the carnival.

25 min