Suddenly Susan Season 3, Episode 8: Trash-Test Dummies

1

Birds Do It, Bees Do It, Even Some of These Do It

Following on from the second-season cliffhanger, Jack and Susan head from the wedding reception to Susan's place with love on their minds forgetting that Susan is letting Todd stay at her place while his parents are in town. Next day Jack sends Todd out of town on an assignment and takes Susan to dinner, but she reacts badly to his eagerness to finish the meal and walks out. Fortunately, wise Nana gives her a stern talking-to, which leads to a reconciliation. Meanwhile, newlyweds Vicki and Ben also have trouble consummating their honeymoon in Hawaii, finally ignoring a hurricane evacuation order for more important business; Luis and Maddy engage in a game of cat and mouse focusing on flirtation and rejection, with Maddy wearing provocative outfits to tempt Luis but continually refusing him.

30 min

2

Feels Like the First Time

When Jack and Susan finally get the chance to consummate their new romance, it's not the earthshaking experience they were expecting. Finally they agree to relax their unrealistic expectations and immediately have great sex in Jack's office. Meanwhile, Luis accidentally thwarts Todd's attempts to fulfill his lifelong dream of catching a foul ball at a Major League game when Luis knocks the ball into the hands of an obnoxious 10-year-old. Luis tries to apologize by taking Todd to another game, at which the ball bounces off Todd's head into the hands of you guessed it. Meanwhile, Vicki returns from her honeymoon furious that Maddy never gave her a wedding present, and for revenge makes off with the expensive vase from Maddy's desk. Is this appropriate behavior for a rabbi's wife? Ben thinks not.

30 min

3

Don't Tell

In a desperate attempt to keep her romance with Jack a secret from the office grapevine, Susan tells bloodhound Vicki that she's dating her dentist, Mort Gerken -- only to have Vicki decide that Mort is cheating on Susan. Meanwhile, Todd challenges Maddy to an IQ test, staking his prime-parking place in the office garage on the outcome; and Luis celebrates his fifth anniversary at the Gate.

30 min

4

Sleeping With the Enemy

Susan's relationship with the boss begins to take its toll on her friendships at work, and the tension boils over when the gang attends Career Day at Susan's old school and she is humiliated by her old teacher, Mr. Vance, who fills the others in on how Susan's figure used to be filled out. Meanwhile, after Todd tries in vain to coach Luis at darts for a bar competition, they discover that Pete is a whiz at the game not realizing that he folds under pressure. Vicki develops an odd romantic problem: she's become a ""man magnet"" since her marriage to Ben.

30 min

5

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Susan's Party

Jack misses Susan's Halloween party and then won't explain his whereabouts to protect Maddy, who called him from jail when she was arrested for drunk driving, leaving Susan furious until a reluctant Maddy confesses part of the truth. At Susan's party her landlady Mrs. Fong wears a remarkably convincing Dr. Joyce Brothers costume (who guest stars as herself); no one can figure out what Susan's costume is supposed to be; superstitious Luis is upset when he learns Todd is dating a real witch; and Nana encourages Pete's partner Hank to strike a new attitude which Pete does not appreciate.

30 min

6

War Games

Susan and Jack worry that they're incompatible when they, as a couple, fail miserably at games, and Susan finally throws out Vicki and Ben after a particularly humiliating fiasco at charades. When they decide to consult a therapist, he opines that they are again trying to measure their relationship against an impossible ideal, rather than having fun together in the moment. When they leave they discover the next patient is Todd, troubled by recurring erotic dreams about Jack which the doctor explains as projections of Todd's resentment at being ""screwed over"" by Jack's promises of a raise which never materializes. Meanwhile, Luis and Nana are mugged in an alley by a costumed clown who demands Nana's wedding ring, whereupon she beats him to a pulp and he barely escapes with his life and Luis' expensive camera equipment.

30 min

7

Seems Like Old Times

After a tremor shakes things up at the Gate, the staff rescue from the stalled elevator a shaken Lily, a nonagenarian survivor of the 1906 earthquake who shares her off-the-wall story (told via flashbacks featuring the cast) about Lily's mother, an aspiring singer (Susan); a lovesick busboy (Jack); a fortuneteller (Nana); two cough-drop moguls (Todd and Luis); and Enrico Caruso. This is the kind of lame fantasy episode that usually spells the demise of a sitcom, but it does have a fairly terrific dance sequence.

30 min

8

Trash-Test Dummies

When Jack and Susan head off on their first weekend together, they're sidetracked by a visit to Jack's lowlife cousin Wallace and bamboozled into baby-sitting his kids, who are a handful. Meanwhile, Luis (and everybody else) hangs out at Susan's place, awaiting delivery of her new mattress.

30 min

9

The Thanksgiving Episode

When Grandmother Richmond invites Jack and Susan to her mansion for Thanksgiving, Jack initially refuses. He hasn't been friendly with his parents since he started dating Susan, whom they hate for abandoning her former fiancé, Jack's brother, on her wedding day. Jack and Susan agree to attend only after learning that the parents will not be there. However, Grandmother Richmond tricked Jack -- his parents do come -- in order to force the family to reconcile. As Jack and his parents' bickering escalate, Susan tries vainly to make peace. Jack finally defiantly blurts out that he plans to move in with Susan. At first, Susan is angry with Jack for announcing something that they have hardly discussed. But later, she agrees that it's a good idea. Meanwhile, Todd and Luis persuade Grandmother Richmond to let them come to the mansion as well--but they end up playing a perilous game with the family's crazy, gun-toting Uncle Bert. Also, Vicki reluctantly helps Ben and a volunteer staff to serve T

30 min

10

The Apartment Hunt

As Susan and Jack search for an apartment together, Susan wonders if Jack is really interested in living with her. His blood pressure rises whenever the subject is discussed, and he finds something to dislike in 22 consecutive places that Susan loves. Finally, when Susan makes an appointment with a handsome real-estate agent to look at the most fabulous apartment of all, Jack does not come at all. To her surprise and embarrassment, an upset Susan finds herself kissing the agent. Later, when Susan confronts Jack about his attitude and confesses what she did, Jack becomes furious. Meanwhile, Todd and Vicki vie for the favor of Mrs. Fong, the landlady of Susan's current apartment. Each wanting the choice apartment when Susan moves out, they competitively do errands and pamper Mrs. Fong. Also, Maddy reluctantly asks Luis to take her photograph as a present for her mother, but Luis must make extreme efforts to get Maddy to smile for the camera.

30 min

11

Merry Ex-Mas

Susan is distraught because she kissed the realtor, and asks Luis to help her make things up with Jack. Jack spends the night with another woman, and when Luis arrives, agonizes whether to tell Susan: Luis advises against. Maddy goes to a party in a $3000 dress. Todd dates the female cantor from Ben's temple, who expresses herself in such a vocal manner that she loses her voice by the end of the evening, causing Vicki to become distraught, as a TV crew is coming to film the cantor. Meanwhile, Maddy suffers a dramatic allergic reaction to the food at the party that causes her to bloat enormously, and stretch the dress so much she can't take it back to the shop as she was planning. Jack eventually decides he has to tell Susan, and she reluctantly decides they should end their relationship.

30 min

12

Wedding-Bell Blues

After a brief vacation in Las Vegas, Nevada, Luis astounds everyone by announcing that he married a pretty Honduran woman, Rosie. Meanwhile, Susan is still recovering from recently ending her relationship with Jack. When Susan observes Rosie secretly meeting a man and tells Luis about it, he accuses Susan of being influenced by her own bad luck in love. But Rosie soon admits that the man is her boyfriend and that she only married Luis to gain U.S. citizenship. Susan commiserates with Luis. After Maddy cancels a coveted appointment with an extremely exclusive hairstylist, Lukaro, Vicki tries to convince him to work on her hair instead. Lukaro punishes Vicki for her stubbornness by styling her hair to look exactly like Maddy's. Also, Todd enrolls in a program to help fatherless youths. Unfortunately, his protégé is a childish 35-year-old man, Andy. Todd helps Andy mature by introducing him to a real youngster who needs guidance.

30 min

13

On a Clear Day You Can Hear Forever

When Nana almost has a car accident because she can't hear an ambulance's siren, Susan insists that Nana get a hearing aid. This makes Nana feel old, and she becomes lethargic and uninterested in anything. Meanwhile, free from his responsibility to Susan, Jack overcompensates by indulging in more and more dangerous sports. Susan reinvigorates Nana by convincing her to go skydiving with Jack -- and Jack forces Susan to jump from the airplane as well. Meanwhile, Luis and Vicki become jealous of Maddy's super efficient new personal assistant, so they hire one. For the small amount of money Luis and Vicki can pay, they get a moron. However, Todd and Luis gloat when Maddy's assistant turns out to be a con artist who robs Maddy's apartment, steals her car and empties her bank accounts. Also, Todd makes an ill-advised attempt to establish a career as a mime-imitating passerby.

30 min

14

One Man's Intervention is Another Man's Tupperware Party

After Maddy is rejected by a television newsmagazine, Susan and the gang find her at a bar, extremely drunk. Since Maddy has been arrested for drunk driving before, Susan worries that Maddy is an alcoholic. She also finds vodka bottles in Maddy's office. Susan rallies her workmates, and they confront Maddy to say that they're concerned about her alcohol drinking. Maddy gets indignant and leaves, making Susan feel guilty. But later, Maddy secretly attends a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Meanwhile, Todd can't wait for his ""date"" at the home of a sexy woman he just met. Unfortunately, he is so excited that he does exactly what the woman wants: he buys a huge amount of Tupperware storage containers from her. Also, Susan needs a new car--and Vicki wants to make sure it meets her own standards so she can borrow it.

30 min

15

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

Tonight's episode of ""Suddenly Susan"" includes not just one, but two reunions of huge proportions. The first reunion is for Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins, who starred in ""Blue Lagoon"" together. The show made Shields a star, but the two actors haven't seen each other in 19 years. The second reunion is for the '60s band The Turtles, whose hits included ""So Happy Together."" Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman come together again to sing that song. Jack, Susan, Maddy and Luis attend a journalism conference. Suspicious that Jack wants to renew his romance with her--which she doesn't want--Susan is surprised when he reunites with a sexy former girlfriend, Meegan Garrity. Susan tries to make Jack jealous by flirting with a bitter, unresponsive columnist but later learns that Jack was only trying to make her jealous. Meanwhile, recovering alcoholic Maddy, who is surrounded by cocktail-drinking conventioneers, cannot drink and is also forbidden from smoking on the premises. After exhausting h

30 min

16

Ben Rubenstein, Meet Joe Black

Luis and Maddy continue their lustful affair at every opportunity. After Todd witnesses the couple having sex in the supply closet, Luis wonders if he is sacrificing his personal life for a meaningless relationship. Maddy doesn't pretend that Luis is anything but a replacement for her alcohol addiction, but Luis cannot refuse the great sex either. Meanwhile, Vicki's meddlesome mother Edie and long-suffering father Leon visit. Edie constantly complains about not being a grandmother yet. When Ben returns from a trip, Vicki makes passionate love to him--and he dies of a heart attack. Distraught with guilt that she killed her husband, Vicki moves in with her parents to a trashy trailer in Arizona. She seems doomed for a life of bitterness and failure until Susan finds out that Ben had a serious heart condition that he kept secret; he was due to die anyway. After Susan informs Vicki, they return to San Francisco. Ed McMahon guest stars as himself in search of a multi-millionaire sweepstakes

30 min

17

The Song Remains Insane

Now living alone in the same building as Luis, manipulative Vicki constantly reminds him of how lonely and ""helpless"" she is since her husband died. Luis guiltily does apartment repairs and cleaning for Vicki as well as cooking her meals. However, the chores interfere with his covert sexual relationship with jealous Maddy. Also, a confused Jack misinterprets an overheard conversation and believes that Luis is dating Vicki. After climbing down the apartment fire escape and witnessing Luis having sex with Maddy, Vicki gleefully tells everyone at work. While defending herself, Maddy inadvertently admits that she truly likes Luis, to his pleasure. Meanwhile, upon learning that Susan is dating a record producer, Zach Hayword, Todd forces her to play Zach a recording of Todd's singing. Susan doesn't want to jeopardize her relationship with Zach by taking advantage of him, but she tries to trick him into listening to the tape. When Susan fails, Todd accuses her of not being a good enough frie

30 min

18

Revenge of the Gophers

Susan doesn't recognize her former classmate, Cindy, who renews her friendship with Susan. Cindy recounts how Maddy terrorized both Susan and her in school. She confesses that she was depressed and went to a therapist for years due to one particularly traumatic prank, which she assumes Maddy instigated. To her horror, Susan remembers that she played the prank on Cindy accidentally, intending it for Maddy. Susan never knew how devastating it was on Cindy. Nana tells Susan not to admit her guilt because Susan's friendship is the only good thing Cindy has to remember from school. When Cindy arrives at The Gate to retaliate on Maddy, Susan tells Cindy it wasn't Maddy's fault. However, Susan still helps Cindy extract her revenge on Maddy. Meanwhile, when Vicki blithely gives away her deceased husband's clothes and possessions, Luis worries that she is suppressing her sadness. Todd finds that wearing Ben's outfit makes him feel spiritual, but Vicki keeps mistaking Todd for Ben. In a disorien

30 min

19

In This Corner ... Susan Keane! (1)

Hollywood Hulk Hogan is a shoo-in for city supervisor after the sudden death of the incumbent. That is, until Susan weighs the option of squaring off with the big fella. She has already attacked him in The Gate, and when he calls her out, she rises to the challenge and the grudge match is on.

30 min

20

In This Corner ... Susan Keane! (2)

After the disastrous debate with Hollywood Hogan, Susan decides to fight back with a sleazy TV campaign. Meanwhile, Hogan infiltrates Susan's camp---by hitting on Vicki.

30 min

21

The First Picture Show

Luis has his first photography exhibition at an art gallery managed by Susan's friend. At the opening party, Susan notices that the buyers are intimidated, so she purchases one of Luis' paintings to spur business--not realizing that the artwork is much too expensive. Fortunately, a collector later offers her almost twice as much money for the photograph. Feeling guilty but needing the cash, Susan agrees. However, Luis is so proud and grateful that Susan bought his work that she cannot tell him that she sold it. She breaks into his apartment to steal the negative and make a copy so Luis won't notice the photograph isn't hanging on her wall. After Luis finds out what really happened, he is glad his art is worth so much money, and he convinces Susan to just be honest with him. Meanwhile, Todd is perturbed when Jack dates Todd's sexy visiting sister Oxnard. Behaving like an overprotective father, Todd tells Jack not to have sex with Oxnard. However, Todd needn't worry--Jack is strangely re

30 min

22

Bowled Over

Susan finally gets her new boyfriend, Zack, to commit some of his busy schedule to her. Feeling sorry for lonely Vicki, Susan invites her to join Zack and her at a club appearance by Zack's friend, rock star Warren Zevon. However, Zack obviously has much more in common with Vicki that with Susan, frustrating her. The next night, while Zack and Vicki flirt, Warren attempts to get a date with an unreceptive Susan. When Susan and Vicki argue with each other and confront Zack, he admits that he likes Vicki and Susan equally--and he wants to have sex with both of them at once. Disgusted, Susan and Vicki abandon Zack. Meanwhile, Jack makes an ill-advised bet with rival newspaper editor Sam: the loser in a bowling match between Jack's employees and Sam's must get a Mohawk haircut. To challenge Sam's expert players, Jack recruits Maddy, an excellent bowler, along with mediocre Todd and awful Luis, who can't even keep the ball in his own lane. However, Maddy distracts Sam's guys with sexy poses

30 min

23

A Day in the Life

The season finale is a memorial to former series star David Strickland, who committed suicide in mid-season. After buying a used cellular telephone, Vicki becomes exasperated from receiving frequent calls to its previous owner, a psychic named Charlene--until, by pretending to be Charlene, Vicki manipulates a date with wealthy, lovelorn Eric. Eric unfortunately discovers the ruse when he calls Charlene and hears Vicki's telephone ringing. Meanwhile, Luis cannot figure out why Maddy is so irritated at having to take care of him while he suffers from a head cold. Maddy finally admits that she has bad memories of caring for her alcoholic mother. Since Jack gave Todd the day off from work, no one thinks much about Todd until Susan notices that he left her the wrong tickets to a concert that night. Unable to contact Todd at home, Susan goes on a quest to find him and learns details about his personality that she never appreciated before: an elderly woman recounts how Todd buys her health dr

30 min