The Chaser's War on Everything Season 1, Episode 5: Episode 5

Best of Special 1

Episode 1

1. Kerry Packer's memorial service and memorial fund. Chris and Craig discuss the televised funeral and memorial to the late Kerry Packer, and then try to collect money for their own Kerry Packer Memorial fund. 2. Mega-Cheese crust pizza. Presenting the latest ad for pizza with more cheese than ever before! 3. Pursuit Trivia This question goes to Stephen Smith, the Shadow Industrial Relations Minister: What is the world's second highest mountain? He did not guess the correct answer: K2. 4. The Surprise Spruiker Andrew introduces his Surprise Spruiker for those who need it most. This week, those receiving his charity are: Giorgio Armani; The Department of Workplace Relations; and The Department of Immigration. 5. A Message from Osama Bin Laden Bin Laden admits he's responsible for all the evil in the world...except for the Up-Late Game Show with the Hotdogs. 6. AWB Corporate box; Big Day Out Sniffer Dogs; Australian flag fashion. 7. This week's subliminal message. 8. The Road to Turin Chris and Andrew are thoroughly practicing their ice-skating for the upcoming Winter Olympics in Turin. 9. Charles Firth in the USA Charles interviews football fans about the Superbowl. 10. In Other News... AWB kick-back scandal; Abortion pill UR486; Eddie McGuire; New footage of Iraq prisoner abuse; Bali 9 execution. 11. Evade Aid A live concert event to raise money for Packer's tax bill. 12. What have we learned from Current Affairs this week? Lesson 1: Dodgy Guys. How to spot a dodgy guy, and dangerous car parks. 13. Mr. Ten Questions This week he meets Hugh Jackman. 14. Danish cartoons on Danna Vale's website.

Episode 2

1: Winter Olympics Chris and Craig congratulate Australia's most successful Winter Olympics teams, reporting on an impressive medal tally. 2: Promoting Today on Sunrise Chas reveals why the Today show performs so badly in morning talk show ratings, and how he improves their ratings. 3: Saddam Hussein Trial "I may be a monster... but I'd never stoop so low as to get involved with those two." 4: Surprise Spruiker - AWB Andrew's public relation service, the Surprise Spruiker, cures the AWB's image problem. 5: Beazley Biggest Loser Follow one man's quest to loose 25 kilograms, and 3 federal elections. 6: Famous Faceoff - Newsreaders Jucinta Timann and Richard Morecroft go head-to-head with some tounge twisting headlines to find Australia's best newsreader. 7: Bonehead Challenge Jules see how many minutes it takes before some bonehead ruins their news cross. 8: Firth in the USA - Guns Charles Firth hits a Texan gun show to find out why American's love guns so much. 9: Current Affairs - Experts Lesson 2: How to spot an expert, and how easy is it to look like an expert? 10: Mr Ten Questions - Charlize Theron Mr Ten Questions meets Charlize Theron. 11: In Other News Bill Clinton visits Australia, AWB transport costs, Big Bird Flu, Ian Thorpe catches a virus, Ben Cousins caught drink driving, and a very good news story. 12: Tropfest Entry Chris has trouble using the signature item in his Tropfest entry.

Episode 3

1: Rug Clearance Sale Ads It’s the Rug Emporium's absolutely, positively, definitely closing down this time sale! 2: Where the bloody hell are you? After the reaction to a recent overseas advertising campaign, Chris and Craig test a few of their own slogans to promote Australia to tourists. 3: Howard 10 Years Tribute The Chaser team celebrates John Howard’s tenth year as Prime Minister with clips highlighting his time in office. 4: Message from Osama Bin Laden – Dancing with the Stars Osama Bin Laden expresses his distaste with not being asked to perform on Dancing with the Stars. 5: Pursuit Trivia – Backstreet Boys This question goes to the Backstreet Boys: In Geography, what is the capital of Australia? None of the Backstreet Boys guessed the correct answer: Canberra. 6: Mosman Mosque Julian unveils plans to build a Muslim Mosque in Mosman, a suburb named as among the most racially intolerant in the country, and gauges local’s reactions. 7: Rug Warehouse Clearance #2 Trust us, this time we're not kidding; it's the "We Really And Truly Are Closing Down For Sure Sale"! 8: Firth in the USA – Cool Charles Firth hits the street of New York to find out why America is so cool. 9: Commvenience Which bank? 10: In Other News Peter Costello gets tough on radical extremism; Tony Abbott withdraws comments; Trevor Flugge’s AWB claims; Channel Nine’s new logo; David Beckham does math; and ABC denies any leftwing-bias allegations. 11: Brokeback Mountain – Christian Edition A sneak preview Ang Lee’s more Christian-friendly version of Brokeback Mountain. 12: The Complete Walks of John Howard DVD Featuring Mr. Howard’s most memorable walks, with commentary! 13: Current Affairs – Visualisations Lesson 3: Using visualisations to explain complex stories. 14: Crazy Warehouse Guy – McDonalds The Crazy Warehouse Guy visits McDonalds. 15: Finally, Tonight... It may be time to put away the talking Boonie, but VB have brought out another drinking sporting legend: the talking Wendell. 16: Closing Credits Credits are played over another scene from Ang Lee's Christian Edition of Brokeback Mountain.

Episode 4

In this episode, the Chaser attacks targets such as The Commonwealth Games, Phillip Ruddick, The Cronulla riots, and Heath Ledger.

Episode 6

Episode 6 in the Chaser's war on everything.

Episode 7

1: French Protests Craig goes out onto the streets to see if he can French-up Australia's protests of the new IR laws. 2: Family Contracts In Britain, McDonald's if offering family contracts, which means if you can't turn up for a shift you can send one of the members of your family. But what if other types of jobs allowed this? 3: Pursuit Trivia - Malcolm Turnbull Part 1 This weeks first question: In Science and Nature, Io is a moon of which gaseous planet? Malcolm did not guess the correct answer: Jupiter. 4: Warehouse Guy - Cinema This week the Crazy Warehouse Guy goes to the movies! 5: Name Our Next Cyclone Julian goes around to different top-company-heads to see if they'd like to buy the naming rights to the next cyclone. 6: ABC Promo - Director's Cut With director's commentary. 7: Ad Roadtest - Napisan How would people REALLY react if you charged into their home with a camera crew and started pouring stains all over their clothes? 8: Cracked Pepper There's nothing Chris hates more than those waiters who constantly interrupt meals offering cracked pepper, but how much worse would it be if they decided to spread beyond restaurants? 9: Pursuit Trivia - Malcolm Turnbull Part 2 This weeks 2nd question: Who won the 2002 Melbourne Cup? Malcolm once again did not guess the correct answer: Media Puzzle. 10: In Other News... IR dismissal laws; Relations with Indonesia; AWB Downer inquiry; Vega; Robert McCallum. 10: Firth in the USA Charles tries to get into Skull & Bones, the most secret and powerful society on Earth. 11: Celebrity Solitaire Get ready for TV's exciting new card game: Celebrity Solitaire, this week featuring Andrew O'Keefe. 12: Statue Busking Made Easy Simply rig yourself up an actual statue and watch the money pile up! 13: Credits Song "They always run credits over my song..."

Episode 8

Macquarie Bank tolls A Message From Osama bin Laden Surprise Spruiker Chas calls a phone sex line Firth in the USA Monty Python. Mr. Ten Questions What Have We Learned From Current Affaris This Week? When a Telemarketer Calls In Other News Door Bouncer Challenge

Episode 9

The 9th episode in the Chaser's war.

Episode 10

The 10th episode in the Chaser's war.

Episode 11

The 11th episode in the Chaser's war.

Episode 12

New Choppers, Crazy Warehouse Guy, Pre Tweens, Ad Road-test: Lynx.

Episode 13

Parking Inspectors, Stocking Head, Channel 9 Promo, Hillsong Sketch

Episode 14

Nude Calendar, Angelina's Babies, Janette for PM, Nicorette Ad Road Test

Episode 15

The Chaser returns with Muslims photos, ASIO job applications, what have we learned from current affairs this week and Chas gets knighted!

Episode 16

Send A Sign, Ken Done Code, Rockstars Famous Face Off, Ad Road Test Telstra

Episode 17

Pushers trying to save on fuel Are You Being Shagged? Complaing about bus route numbers Chas travelling in taxi boot Meanwhile in Iran Pursuit Trivia Acting inappropriate in smart cars Offering smart cars to people Mr. Ten Questions In Other News Turkey slapping survey featuring actual turkey Detective Superintendent Clive Pugh recites The Bard What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Media-scrum for minor court cases Pushing ride-on lawnmower, tank and plane to save fuel

Episode 18

Hunting Japanese people for research Surprise Spruiker Citizens Infringement Officer ABC Board Director Wanker number plates The Quinny-Roos Cover of Cannibal Corpse's "Rancid Amputation" Reading excerpts from Jonestown live on Alan Jones' 2GB radio show What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Are You Being Shagged? In Other News Claiming World Cup victory for Australia Thought for the Day with Alan Jones Coles Supermarkets Quinny-Roos

Episode 19

In this episode are Bulldog fans, protesting animals wearing fur, and bellhops.

Episode 20

Julioan pays $250 for an interview witrh Jetstars CEO, while Chris and his Horse come up against prejudice, and the horrific Mad Tofu Disease.

Episode 21

Election Wrap Best Parking Spot Union Officials Ad Japanese TV Camel Solution Election Watch: Unions The Fixers: Oversize Popcorn, Violent MPs, Gagging McCelland WHWLFCA: The Right Attitude

Episode 22

Special Guest Paedophile: Mr Baldy. Arrive at airport in large plastic bags. Trojan Horse. Australian Defence Force Birdman Rally. Video Surveillance Test. Medibank Private - Helping Members, Healthier Profits. Dell Battery Explosions. "World Famous" - Charles Firth in Kenya. Little Britain Impersonations. What Have Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Unsubstantiated Bullshit Lesson 14: Fatties. Bob Brown - In sport, what is BMX short for? Rising Cost of University Degrees LPG Subsidy, Prince Harry Groping, Bali 9 sentence reductions. Al Kyder and Terry Wrist. Ford Focus

Episode 23

Intro Joke; Special Guest Paedophile: Mr Baldy. Stunt; Arrive at airport in large plastic bags. What Have We Learned From History?: Trojan Horse. Ad/Trailer; Australian Defence Force Birdman Rally. Stunt; Video Surveillance Test. Ad/Trailer; Medibank Private - Helping Members, Healthier Profits. The Surprise Spruiker; Dell Battery Explosions. Stunt; "World Famous" - Charles Firth in Kenya. Ad/Trailer; Little Britain Impersonations. What Have Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Unsubstantiated Bullshit Lesson 14: Fatties. Pursuit Trivia; Bob Brown - In sport, what is BMX short for? (Incorrect) (Bicycle Moto-Cross). In Other News...; Rising Cost of University Degrees, LPG Subsidy, Prince Harry Groping, Bali 9 sentence reductions. Stunt; Al Kyder and Terry Wrist. Ad Road Test; Ford Focus

Episode 24

Stunt; Steakhouse diners choosing their own cow Ad/Trailer; Dongers - Parody of Hooters Citizens Infringement Officer; Bad mobile phone ringtones Ad/Trailer; 2006 Cameraman's Gift Stunt; Burglary made easy Stunt; Child-controlling medication Scenes From The Life Of The Crazy Warehouse Guy; Calling a friend on a tram In Other News; Tony Abbott's opposition to stem cell research Stunt; Tony Abbott hybrids The Australian cricket team at boot camp Darrell Hair accusing Pakistan of ball-tampering US takeover of Coles Myer Stunt; Price check on Coles What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week? Lesson 15: Moral Judgement Naming and Shaming Reasons to panic Stunt; Shotgun Ad/Trailer; Wankster Ringtones Andrew Hansen's closing comment; New DVD available: 'How to Use the Last 15 Seconds of Your Show Plugging Shit'

Episode 25

Telstra magician Mr. Ten Questions Australian Defence Force recruitment/conscription Bonsai logging on Stateline Prolix Songwriter 2:30 Report; Christian shows Famous Face Off; Models, Annalise Braakensiek and Kate Fischer Daggs Jihad Jack Four Corners interview Tom Cruise not allowed on Oprah Gary Neiwand jailed Junk food advertising blamed for childhood obesity Coco Pops Monkey confronts Monica Trapaga Amusement park Godfreys vacuum cleaners Daggs

Episode 26

Jihad Jack. The Surprise Spruiker; Persian Rug Warehouse McDonald's upselling. Baby names. CarltonUnited 93. Courtesy Bus (read comment below) BoyBand Are you Being Shagged?, Part 3. Walking along the beach stunt and awards. Biggest overstatement, best comic turn, most number of nods during an interview, most dangerous place in Australia, wildest youths, most appearances by an expert and the slightly less crap than Today Tonight award. Persian Rug Clearance commercial on DVD. Al-Qaeda needs more members stunt and Scientology spiritual first aid stunt. A Message From Osama Bin Laden.