America 2-Night Season 1, Episode 57: Big Turkey and Super Quack

1

60 Seconds of Fame

Special Guest: Charlton Heston; Dr Willard Honeywell claims that homosexuality is caused by a virus; The Friedkin Family Singers pay a bunch of money for 60 seconds of fame; Sallie Hayes, whose husband will be executed on an upcoming show.

30 min

2

Help Every Little Person

Gary Burghoff talks about his frozen yogurt stores; the treasurer of HELP (Help Every Little Person), Wanda Ford.

30 min

3

George Gobel

George Gobel, Baby Irene, and textile-mill owner Calvin Proctor.

30 min

4

Celebrity Night

Guests include Sally Hayes, whose husband is still awaiting execution. This episode also includes clips of a press conference in which various celebrities welcome America 2Night to the UBS network.

30 min

5

Phyllis Diller

Guests include Phyllis Diller and Happy's niece, Joanie Kyne.

30 min

6

White House Paper Shredder

Rita Moreno; Former White House paper shredder Pearl Wingate; and elderly actor Chad Brandon describes how he stays fit.

30 min

7

A Date with a Star

A viewer wins a date with Karen Lynn Gorney ("Saturday Night Fever").

30 min

8

Jason Shine

Barbara Feldon and professional escort Jason Shine.

30 min

9

The Pine Family Singers

Singers Buck and Harriet Pine; former deli owner Susan Cloud.

30 min

10

Vincent Price

Happy Kyne sings "Don't Leave Me This Way". Guests include Vincent Price and entrepreneur Ernest Twilley, who sells merchandise based on dead celebrities.

30 min

11

Anne Murray

Guests include the Angels String Quartet, DJ Larry Guy and Anne Murray, who has trouble lip syncing.

30 min

12

Lose Weight Fast

Maharishi Maheesh Majipoor demonstrates how to lose weight by chanting. Also: consumer advocate Lou Moffatt.

30 min

13

Vicki Carr

Vickie Carr; Peanut trainer Emanual Kasinski; and unemployed magician Brandy McAllister.

30 min

14

Pharaoh Fawcett and the Sphinx

Sherman Hemsley; Singer Pharoah Fawcett and police sergeant Norman Botello.

30 min

15

Norman Fell

Guests include Abraham "Shecky" Stein, a Rabbi comedian and Norman Fell, who has a difficult time getting on the show as he has problems with the parking lot attendant.

30 min

16

The Condensed Bible

Jim Nabors; Irene Huddleston on the condensed form of the Bible.

30 min

17

Cindy Williams

Gary Coleman (as Little Wayne Coleman); Cindy Williams; UBS programming executive Bill Nickerson.

30 min

18

The Singing Dentist

Jill St. John visits the dentist with a troubled wisdom tooth. The dentist and his assistant perform a song on the show.

30 min

19

New Talent

Gary Coleman (Wayne Coleman) and Corey Feldman premiere a talk show for kids scheduled to air on the UBS network.

30 min

20

Abe Vigoda

Abe Vigoda tap dances. Stanley Turnbull (Richard Kline) talks about his book "Winning Through Acting Crazy."

30 min

21

Miss City of Merchandise

Elke Sommer; the three semi-finalists in the City of Merchandise pageant.

30 min

22

Urban Poverty Consultant

Rob Reiner; Urban Poverty Consultant Richard Osgood.

30 min

23

Fighting Fright

Peter Marshall; David Fairchild tells how to fight fright.

30 min

24

The Benefits of Sugar

It is all natural and cancer-free! Guests include Gaylord and Holiday, Dr. Wendell Dellerton and Twiggy.

30 min

25

Gaylord and Holiday

Guests include Gaylord and Holiday, Marshall Petty and Jack Jones.

30 min

26

Russia

Russia expert Arthur Zaprinski and actress Suzanne Sellers.

30 min

27

Tony Rolletti

Alice Ghostly; lounge singer Tony Rolletti.

30 min

28

Mission Army Band

Guests include The Mission Army Band, and Gardener Toshiro Asaki.

30 min

29

Roger Miller

Guests include the Hennessy Family, Roger Miller and Mario Dorsett.

30 min

30

Susan Cloud

Guests include Jay Longtoe Ballet, Susan Cloud and Arte Johnson.

30 min

31

Carol Burnett

Guests include the Haus Family Criminal Singers and Carol Burnett.

30 min

32

Legalizing Prostitution

Guest include Mark Hammill and Judge Marshall O. Petty, who proposes legalized prostitution.

30 min

33

Ernest Twilley

Guest include Mortician Ernest Twilley and actress Gloria Chambers.

30 min

34

Rolletti-Sherwood Wedding (1)

From the Pump Room of the Coma Cabana: the wedding of Tony Rolletti and Joanie Sherwood, presided over by Rabbi "Shecky" Stein.

30 min

35

Rolleti-Sherwood Wedding Reception (2)

Part 2 of the Tony Roletti - Joanie Sherwood wedding.

30 min

36

McLean Stevenson

Guests include Vera LeBeau and McLean Stevenson.

30 min

37

Jean's House of Cakes

Guests include Anthropologist Carl Cyrus; martial artist Susan Walchuck, who shows off her moves; singer Edward Muldune, who performs "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" ... at the same time; and later Jerry does a commercial for America 2-Night's newest sponsor, Jean's House of Cakes.

30 min

38

The New PTA

Barth talks about his housing situation; Deaf comic Ronnie Martin and his alligator; Morey Johnson, an adoptee, who traced his missing parents; and former flower child Kona Golden, who is now a mother on the new PTA.

30 min

39

The El Tijo Ballet Co.

Barth talks about his new home; The El Tijo Half-toe Ballet Company ("... because we don't go all the way") presents the "Dance of the Belle Femme Suburbia"; W. D. Bud Prize presents Edith Bush, claiming that she's really Amelia Earhart. Then he talks about the San Andreas fault only to be interrupted by a UBS bulletin: Radioactivity Warning.

30 min

40

UBS Liftetime Achievement Award

Japanese country and western artist Jimmy Yen; UBS presents its first Lifetime Achievement Award to Barbi Benton; Consumer advocate Lou Moffatt introduces Bible Gum Cards.

30 min

41

I Am Democracy

Barth talks about helping a man find his car keys; Jerry and Happy present their mini-pageant "I Am Democracy"; Disc jockey Tom "Cat Love Man" Wilson; and Billy Crystal makes some phone calls.

30 min

42

Fernwood Reunion

Barth talks about his move from Fernwood to California and introduces the Fernwoodites who financed the move: Candy Lee Hargrove, Connie Bushman, Mercedes Blywyth and Vernon Taylor. Candy Lee talks about the Fernwood Fascinating Females Society. Vernon Taylor talks about the ammo convention. Connie Bushman reunites Happy with his pet turtle. Mercedes Blywyth talks about the Barth Gimble Fan Club.

30 min

43

Surfin' to Heaven

Denny and Brian, the Born Again surfers sing "Surfin' to Heaven". Dr. Joyce Brothers tries to reconcile roommates Happy and Jerry.

30 min

44

Ted Jennings

Guests include Bella Abzug and concerned citizen Ted Jennings.

30 min

45

Melissa Manchester

Guests include Mirth Gimble and Melissa Manchester.

30 min

46

Carl Reiner

Guests include Carl Reiner and the owner of Jean's House of Pancakes.

30 min

47

Daredevil Virgil Simms

Guest include Robert Conrad and Daredevil Virgil Simms.

30 min

48

Punk Monks

The Punk Monks perform "Karmic Love". Happy talks about his new innovation: dental house calls. Barth "lip syncs" to the Martin Mull song "I'll Do the Samba".

30 min

49

Barth's Memoirs

Barth decides to issue his memoirs: "Barth Gimble -- One Man: One Life"; The El Tijo Half-toe Ballet Company present "The Ballad of the Broken Station Wagon"; Dr. Richard Osgood talks about the black market for organs and his "Whole Body Parts Catalog""; UBS promo: "Say What?" and Barth talks about his altercation with the owner of the gas station.

30 min

50

Rolletti-Sherwood Divorce

Tony Rolletti follows up his on-air wedding on A2N with his on-air divorce. Rabbi "Shecky" Stein officiates.

30 min

51

Falafel-on-a-stick

Baby Irene sings "Hot Diggity"; Susan Cloud talks about Falafel-on-a-stick; UBS owner D.W. Underwitter on why UBS is standing beside A2N.

30 min

52

Punk Country

Jerry and Happy appear in a commercial that Barth turned down, for the Yam Council; Virgil Simms talks about his new girlfriend and the Mobile City; a clip from the David John Decker Show and Virgil sings a Punk Country tune.

30 min

53

Olfactory Distosis Telethon

Happy talks about OD and sings a take-off on "Jeepers, Creepers". Teacher Terry Litchfield talks about the telethon tote board. Jack Albertson makes an appearance, but won't contribute himself. The OD poster boy, Howard Pellegrini appears and the telethon ends with no calls. Jack Albertson needs cab fare. Jason Shine talks about his candidacy. Jack Albertson does a soft shoe number.

30 min

54

Oral Smoke Alarm

The band has been locked out for attempts to unionize, so Happy is the whole band. Barth and Jerry interview Barbara Eden and Melissa Gilbert -- at the same time. Happy talks about the Oral Smoke Alarm. Chuck Emmitt Saugis appears with his hostage Mary Marie Clark. Barbara Eden sings.

30 min

55

Hostage Crisis

Barth explains that his appearance is due to being part of "an all-night pajama party with guns" -- Chuck Emmitt Saugis is still waiting on his demands. Louden Wainright III sings. Chuck Emmitt continues negotiations. Dr. Arnold Shollien plays some surprisingly recognizable ""whalesongs"". More demands. Special appearance by "Raquel Welch" -- really a cop.

30 min

56

Monty Hale

Child singer Frankie Wonder sings "My Way". Cowboy Monte Hale, host of the the UBS Cowboy Movie, appears. From "Laverne and Shirley" -- David L. Lander and Michael McKean are iterviewed. Someone sings "Blue Suede Shoes". Michael and David sing "The Creature Without a Head".

30 min

57

Big Turkey and Super Quack

Barth talks about the mobile home warming gifts he received. From the Silly Barn -- Big Turkey and Super Quack appear. Herb Matthews reveals new Carter White House incidents. Joan Rivers plugs "Rabbit Test". There's a commercial for Jean's House of Cakes: the Second Wedding Cake.

30 min

58

Steve Garvey

Barth and Jerry do some substitute hosting. Tony Rolletti presents his version of "America the Beautiful" and does a tribute to Judy Garland. Steve Garvey hurts himself playing baseball.

30 min

59

Karen Black

Barth talks about liquor advertising. The Mirth-Makers perform "Steam-roller Blues". Barth accosts Karen Black in the audience and Karen interviews herself. Barth, Jerry and Karen sing "Sentimental Journey". Bud Prize appears with Edith Bush and introduces his dancing teacher, Miss Brenda.

30 min

60

The UBS Story

Barth tells the UBS Story. The Hon. Marshall O. Petty kicks off his Congressional campaign. Shari Lewis searches for a missing Lamb Chop. Virgil Simms talks about his World Record -- and the accident. Virgil then sings "I'm Swearin' Offa You (You Hag)". Jerry tries his hand at ventriloquism, with a very familiar puppet.

30 min

61

UBS Awards Ceremony

The UBS Golden Anniversary Show.

30 min

62

Connie Stevens

Barth talks about his tan. Happy Kyne and the Mirth-Makers sing "Good Vibrations". Sociologist Wendell Healey discusses surfing. Connie Stevens talks about her contract but does a number for the UBS special anyway: a lip-synch to "Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb".

30 min

63

Taters the Clown

Barth talks about his new talk show ideas. Taters the Clown sings "The Counting Song". Father John Lewis of the Mission San Tijo appears . There's a commercial for MST wine.

30 min

64

Man of the Year Award

Martin Mull grouses about the Alta Coma Chamber of Commerce "Man of the Year" award. Wayne Coleman of "America After Lunch" returns to interview Isabel Sanford.

30 min

65

Martin Mull

Barth has "bad" news -- Jerry is fired. Fred Willard talks about his resemblance to Jerry Hubbard. Martin refuses to sing without Jerry present. Jerry shows up, so Martin sings "Goodnight".

30 min