Air Farce Live Season 3, Episode 24: 3-Instant Classics Episode #2

1

Episode 3-01

Dave the O.J. Souvenir Guy Dave slashes prices on all his merchandise: Ready to wear Mark Fuhrman white sheets, O.J. Cutlery, and Paula Barbieri wedding dress. Referendum Point of View Jacques Parizeau says yes, Jean Chretien says no, and an average Quebecer says maybe because they are so used to having it both ways. Canadian Moment Topics: Paul Bernardo, O.J. on Murder She Wrote, new 45 stamp, delinquent dads, Pope in New York, NDP Convention and explaining the Quebec situation with the help of a coffee and doughnut. Lucien Briefing A briefing from an aide leaves Lucien Bouchard so mad he has to put his foot down! Klutzes Hotline It will leave you head over heels in love. Looney News The nightly looney report. Canoeing Beer Ad Coureurs de bois paddle boat and peddle beer. Chicken Cannon The target du jour: Pork and beans with a side order of cat food served up to Ontario Premier Mike Harris.

30 min

2

Episode 3-02

News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Lucien Bouchard wishes more Quebec women said ""yes""; Montreal Canadiens management shuffle; Canadian Sex Survey; Ivana Trump visits Moncton while Kim Young Sam visits Canada; Ottawa Rough Rider fraud and Toronto man's roomate is eaten by dog. Canadian $2 Coin You'll want to call the New Canadian Coin the ""barely"" because it's barely worth two bucks! McDonough In Corridor Alexa McDonough has everything it takes to be leader of the NDP: she's already an unknown! Message From The Premier Croonin' to the cutbacks with Ontario Premier Mike ""The Knife"" Harris. Canada AM Early morning television for people who are still asleep. Referendum Prophecies A Prophet on the Mount sermon that focusses on the Referendum, and all those associated with it. Mountie Home Shopping Club Michael Eisner has a new spokesperson for all the Disney merchandise. Chicken Cannon Today's special: lobster, poutine, and some split pea soup, served up on a J

30 min

3

Episode 3-03

""OUI"" Wins! Royal Canadian Air Farce is first on the scene with exclusive Referendum results, of the biggest question to come out of Quebec since the announcement of the Montreal Canadiens new head coach. Complete referendum coverage in half an hour or it's free!

30 min

4

Episode 3-04

Royal Call After phoning the Queen, Jacques Parizeau discovers his fingers can do more than just the walking. Bat Manning Forever Preston gets tough, and cheap! Rex's Charts Rex Murphy's graphic referendum rigmarole. Leading Tableaus Bill Clinton, Jean Chretien and Boris Yeltsin speak their minds. Pamela Wallin Live Lucien Bouchard cries the post referendum blues with his intellectual equal Mike from Canmore. Stand-Up Guest comedian Lorne Elliot give an anglo-Quebecer's slant on the referendum. Kosher's Korner--Raptor The world's shortest free-standing basketball player is a guest on Kosher's Korner. Jock McBile Jock's referendum wrap-up.

30 min

5

Episode 3-05

Sussex Intruder A night-time intruder scares the ""poo-poo-larity"" out of Jean and Aline Chretien. Talk Show Line-Up All your favourite tv talk show hosts are called to order. Parliamentary Remembrance A moment of silence can seem to be an eternity in a ""rememberable"" way. Young Offenders World The new show where kids learns their A, B, C's: Arson, Burglary and Corruption. (SPECIAL GUEST: Mr. Dressup) Prof. Aphazard Professor Llewelyn Aphazard reveals the latest in ""patches"" since the nicotine patch Head On The talk show for hot heads with your host, Howard Head. Today's guest: Sheila Copps. Death Watch Boris Yeltsin: going, going, not gone! Chicken Cannon Guest gunner: Mr. Dressup (Ernie Coombs). Target: Everyone's favourite purple flea bag, Barney the Dinosaur Videopinion ""For Canadians Who Give A Buck"". A Smoker literally foams at the mouth to make his point.

30 min

6

Episode 3-06

News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Mike Harcourt quits; Bouchard goes provincial; Canadian Spies; Karla's parole; fish license increase; Izzy Asper buys WIC; Olestra; Macleans Magazine turns 19; Di's going to tell all. Mike, From Earth... Mike boldly goes where no man has gone before--the beer store-- then fixes the Canadarm. Trudeau on Impact! Wendy Mesley interviews Pierre Trudeau about his new book ""The Canadian Way"". Canadian Moment U.S. Government bankrupt; bike helmet law; heath care system; broccoli fights breast cancer; immigration quotas; overdue library books in Montreal; mink ranch break-in; Manning/Charest at same fund-raiser; Chretien criticizes CBC over referendum coverage then leaves for Japan. Member for Kicking Horse Pass Dave Broadfoot looks into the future 50 years. Grey Cup Grey Cup weekend in Regina: Fun, Football and Frostbite! Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me Gilbert has a V-Chip on his shoulder.

30 min

7

Episode 3-07

Royal Rebuttal, Part 1 The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe. ""Separatist Careers"" Lucien Bouchard introduces his new board game. Larry King Live Special Guest Yoko Ono sings ""undiscovered"" Beatles songs. Jock McBile Jock takes a closer look at the relationships between the players in the Airbus conference. Mulroney Airbus News Conference Former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney denies all allegations. Bingo Parlour Commentary New headlines go up in smoke! Royal Rebuttal, Part 2 The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe. Herb Gray and Closet Elvis Herb and Elvis introduce new security procedures for 24 Sussex Drive. Royal Rebuttal, Part 3 The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe. Christian Athletes Three Christian Athletes pray to their saviour: booze, drugs and the wild life. Royal Rebuttal, Part 4 The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe.

30 min

8

Episode 3-08

Diana 2020 Princess Diana, 25 years and 50 pounds in the future. That Old Time Refooooorm Preston Manning cruises into Stornoway and does the Risky Business of Reform 'n Roll! CP Spike CP Rail drives the last spike into their Montreal headquarters. CBC, The Sequel Perrin Beatty surfs the new, leaner CBC schedule. The National Cutback Peter Mansbridge and Hana Gartner learn to cope with cutbacks to The National and The National Magazine. Gun Control A gun activist shoots his mouth off against the government's new gun control legislation. Chicken Cannon The Brian Mulroney Casserole: Sour Grapes, freshly skimmed cream, chili (that will give you a kickback) and some festive marshmallows.

30 min

9

Episode 3-09

News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Topics: New Canadian Coat of Arms; bulldozing Paul Bernado's bungalow; Premier Mike Harris cuts to healthcare and education; CP Rail and Patrick Roy both head west; Silken Laumman has a street named after her; TSN shocks its viewers; Rat sex in space; an underwater interview with a studly cod. Lucien and Audrey Lucien Bouchard must deal with a restless wife. Camtel Omega The dangers of a car phone. Dave Broadfoot Memories of a child's Christmas in Hogtown. ""Where's My Pogey?"" Lloyd Axworthy's new game show! Jock McBile Jock talks taxes, hockey, and anti-fur activists Leonard Cohen's Christmas Album Leonard Cohen's manic depressive sing-a-long Christmasalbum.

30 min

10

3-New Year's Special

Canadian Moment The Donut Shop regulars year end review, with coffee refills courtesy of Progressive Conservative leader Jean Charest. Beavertone News Update # 1 Tainted Blood results Siskel & Ebert A look back at the movies of 1995: Apollo 13, Pope Fiction, Tortellini E Mozzarella Prima Vera and Father of the Bribe. 1995 Quickie Review Boris Yeltsin's Chechnya headache. Pirates Canada A year end message from the leader of the party. Pamela Wallin Live Lucien Bouchard sees double on Pamela Wallin live--with special guest the real Pamela Wallin. Ottawa Private Eye An Ottawa private dick goes public with his views on 1995. 1995 Quickie Review CNN reporter Bobbie Dibattista's O.J. update. Beavertone News Update # 2 Ottawa privatizes Canada's air traffic control system. Preston Manning The real Preston Manning is a guest on the program ""I Love That Word Ref-o-o-or-r-rm."" Red Green Calendar Possum Lodge's Red Green (a.k.a. Steve Smith), demonstrates how to make

30 min

11

3-Instant Classics Episode #1

Message From The Premier (#3-02, October 20, 1995) Bingo Parlour Commentary (#3-07, November 24, 1995) Mike, From Earth... (#3-06, November 17, 1995) Royal Rebuttal--Queen (#3-07, November 24, 1995) Royal Rebuttal--Queen Mum (#3-07, November 24, 1995) Cutback National (#3-08, December 1, 1995) Jock McBile (#3-07, November 24, 1995) Canoeing Beer Ad (#3-01, October 13, 1995) Klutzes Hotline (#3-01, October 13, 1995)

30 min

12

Episode 3-10

Bingo Parlour Commentary Bingo patron discusses the news of the week. Stories include: the Duchess of York's financial woes, O.J. Simpson's new video tape, Michael and Lisa-Marie breaking up and Brian Tobin's new job as Newfoundland Premier. Bibby & Bibby The law firm of Bibby & Bibby help subway passengers ride the red rocket to easy street Airport Immigration Nothing gets by an airport immigration officer Chretien's Genie Jean Chretien returns from India with a magic Genie and goes ape. Russian All-Star A Russian hockey players wants to show that Doug Gilmour is nothing compared to his own marketable value. Queen's Rebuttal The Queen becomes a bit 'crotchety' over the latest scandal involving her husband, Prince Philip. Clinton's Financial Woes President Clinton discovers he's financially impotent. P.J. Nosliw Internet Computer wiz P.J. Nosliw surfs the net

30 min

13

Episode 3-11

Brian Tobin Brian Tobin gets sworn at and sworn in as the new Premier of Newfoundland Canadian Moment Donut shop regulars for fluorescent over NHL All-Star pucks. Also discussed: Jean Chretien's cabinet shuffle, Yassar Arafat, ""Chloro-Fluoro-Carbons"", and a comment on the O.J. Simpson phenomenon CTV News Lloyd Robertson's interview with a war torn couple hits close to home. Bouchard's Pension Lucien Bouchard achieves separation between himself and his pension 1-900-WEA-THER Calling Environment Canada's new 1-900 number will have more than just your temperature rising The Macintoshes A Scottish lad from the McIntosh clan discovers the wife he has choosen is 'incompatible' Customs Book Censor A customs officers tries to censor a book store owner's books Chicken Cannon Colonel Stacy takes aim at The Cheese Guy

30 min

14

Episode 3-12

News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Jimmy and Seamus celebrate their two favourite rodents, Wiarton Willy and Brian Mulroney. Professor Aphazard The Professor explains the aging process to baby boomers. Veronika's RRSP's Veronika, She-Wolf of the RRSP, gives out her investment tips. Les Green Acres Lucien and Audrey Bouchard have their eyes set on greener acres, he in Quebec, she in California. Barflys Two guys in a bar talk about shooting the bull. Garbage Terminator Recycling, Air Farce style. Dating Hotline Mike from Canmore finds his perferct match, and she's actually human. He's Not Bitter Jean Chretien's latest shuffle deals John Nunziata the cold shoulder, but he's not bitter.

30 min

15

Episode 3-13

Star Satellite Stan's Satellite Dish Service, doing to the cable company what they keep doing to you. Martha Stewart The Martha Stewart Nightly News: Crime, Corruption and Crafts. Fishermen Retrain A couple of fishermen learn to catch fish with their new Internet. Steel Town Woman Perrin Beatty's new CBC series: Lights, Camera, Copps! Jock McBile Six feet under and affording it. Chicken Cannon Lucien Bouchard encounters spearation with the help of the Chicken Cannon. Prime Time Magazine Preston Manning tells Hana Gartner why he wants to be Leader of the Opposition.

30 min

16

Episode 3-14

Flag Day Jean Chretien's Flag Day antics, also known as Hull-a-mania Venture Robert Scully looks at our country's most endangered species: Canada Pensions. CTV News Sandie Rinaldo talks NDP leadership with British Columbia's biggest woody--a douglas fir. Economic Outlook Dr. Scumm takes a look at Canada's economic future. Fifth Estate Quickie Tonight on the fifth estate: laplander dancing. Dave Broadfoot Dave offers his observations on the differences between Canadians and Americans. Canadian Moment The real Sheila Copps visits that Mecca of Canadian Culture, the Doughnut Shop. Politically Correct Minute Politically correct terminology from a politically correct guy.

30 min

17

Episode 3-15

Bingo Lady The Bingo Lady, in her new scooter, takes aim at the latest headlines. Paul Martin--Taxes Paul Martin, in preparation for his upcoming budget, explains how Canadians aren't really overtaxed. Icebound Husband A woman is worried about her husband when he doesn't return from walking the dog one cold, winter night. Siskel & Ebert--Oscars Gene and Roger, when they're not too busy insulting each other, take a look at their favourite pics for the Oscars. Two Herbs & Closet Elvis Closet Elvis's advisor, the real Herb Gray, Solicitor-General, drops by to give some advice. The Paranoid A paranoid barfly reflects on the Canadian Conspiracy to get him. Canoe Guys--Portage William and Jacques are on portage. Chicken Cannon William and Jacques finally get under the gun.

30 min

18

Episode 3-16

Manning-Gauthier Preston Manning becomes the Leader of the Opposition. Sally Struthers--Appeal Sally Struthers solicits money for the needy--striking Ontario civil servants. RCMP Detail Two of the RCMP's finest are assigned to a dangerous mission--security detail for the Prime Minister. News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Jimmy and Seamus talk about the move everyone was expecting the Great One to make and Diana's decision to get a divorce. Newsworld Newsworld's Nancy Wilson has an interview go up in smoke. Hussein Saddam Hussein talks about his blood relatives. Jock McBile--Pensions Jock McBile experiences pension tension. Glen Clark Denial The new BC Premier, Glen Clark, throws another scandal on the fire.

30 min

19

Episode 3-17

Impact--Paul Martin Putting Canada back in the black will be easy for Paul Martin, both he and his latest budget are already in the dark. Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me--Junos Air Farce's resident critic Gilbert Smythe Bite-me hands out his Junos list. McDonald's Baby What's making the baby cry? The Inept Carpenter Roy Earle, the Inept Carpenter, gives a new meaning to the word tool. Canadian Moment The donut shop regulars prove the deficit is just like a jelly donut: no matter how you approach it, it always leave a mess on your hands. Nation's Business--Member for Kicking Horse Pass The Honourable Member, Dave Broadfoot, answers some of his constituents' most pressing questions. Mixed Up Newsworld During a television strike, CBC management personnel try to fill in for their on-air and off-air personalities.

30 min

20

Episode 3-18

Chretien Returns From Egypt Deputy Prime Minister Sheila Copps fills Jean in on what's been happening in Canada since he left for Egypt. Queen and Queen Mum Interview The Queen and her mother discuss family problems in an interview--the Queen whines, and her mother ""wines"". Billion Dollar Bankers Club A billion dollar banker asks, ""buddy, can you spare a sawbuck?"" CTV News--Yoko and Yassar Yoko Ono joins Yassar Arafat's bed-in for peace. Jock McBile--Americans Jock answers the American critics. Chicken Cannon U.S. Senator Jesse Helms ""gets stuffed"" with some Cuban contraband. Antiques Road Show A bumpy ride for the Antique Road Show. CTV News Update OPSEU Strike A striking civil servant learns his placard is a sign of the times.

30 min

21

Episode 3-19

Academy Awards--Lucien Bouchard Academy Award vote counting with Lucien Bouchard. Head On with Howard Head Keith Spicer is a guest, talking about the V Chip, and why you need one. Hemorrhoid Commercial Fun with hemorrhoids... News From Away with Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole The lads look at something old, new, borrowed, and blue; Hyakutake comet, the new Molson centre, pictures of Pluto and Sister Bonaventure from Our Lady of Perpetual Expletives. Hockey Mom Hockey's toughest and most violent competitor: the Hockey Mom. Videopinion--Homolka Man on the street takes note of the inquiry into the Homolka plea bargain.. Sedition Bloc Quebecois MP Jean-Marc Jacob learns the meaning of the word sedition. Preston Manning Songbook A musical treasure you'll want to bury.

30 min

22

Episode 3-20

Nation's Business Don Newman discusses the recent by-elections with Preston Manning and discovers that the Opposition Leader Wannabe is one seat short of a full load. Story Time Uncle Al and Auntie Hilda's story time sounds like real fun. Pope and Mother Teresa The Pope and Mother Teresa sing their favourite song, ""Born To Be Catholic"". Confused Philosopher A confused philosopher asks questions like ""Do firemen have sex after smoking?"" Beavertone News--Bomb Sniffing Dog A bomb sniffing dog discovers his job is a real blast. BBC--Mad Cow Disease Mad cows on the BBC, the British Bovine Channel. Street Guy A street guy says he's not homeless, just between mortgages! Brenda, the Bingo Lady Brenda comments on a number of topics, including a look at Canada's former Prime Minister, Brian Mulroney.

30 min

23

Episode 3-21

Canadian Moment The Air Farce doughnut shop regulars uncover the first known case of Mad Cheese Disease.. S&M Block Leather, whips and chains can only mean one thing: it's tax time at S&M Block.. Stumpy Tom Conway Stumpy Tom sings his way out of the closet. Red Green Guest star Red Green builds a low cost clock radio. Paul Martin and Sheila Copps Paul Martin and the GST--the Goodbye Sheila Tax. Professor Aphazard Helpful hygiene hints from the professor. Chicken Cannon The chicken cannon goes out with a Royal bang! Clinton and Yeltsin

30 min

24

3-Instant Classics Episode #2

Martha Stewart News P.M. Security Detail McDonalds Baby Politically Correct Minute Jock McBile - Pensionsaul Martin and Sheila Copps Nation's Business: Preston Manning Macintosh Marriage

30 min