The Dick Van Dyke Show Season 5, Episode 16: I Do Not Choose to Run

1

Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

A talk show host gets Laura to tell a TV audience that Alan Brady is bald!

25 min

2

A Farewell to Writing

Rob tries to write a novel, but finds that writing comedy is easier.

25 min

3

Uhny Uftz

Rob and Buddy are working late, and keep thinking they hear a metallic voice saying ""Uhny Uftz""! The explore a supposedly abandoned office somewhere in the building, and find a somewhat 'mad' inventor (complete with a taciturn and vaguely menacing assistant) who has constructed a toy flying saucer. It works quite well, except that, instead of saying ""Merry Christmas"" as the inventor intended, the saucer only says ""Uhny Uftz"".

24 min

4

The Ugliest Dog in the World

Rob tries to write a part for a dog who is going to be on The Alan Brady Show. After the dog's part is cut from the show Rob tries to find a home for the dog, But nobody wants the dog.

25 min

5

No Rice at My Wedding

Rob recalls a time when Laura was the prize of a raffle. Rob does everything he can to keep Clark Rice from marrying Laura.

25 min

6

Draw Me a Pear

Laura talks Rob into going to her art class unaware that Valerie falls in love with Rob.

26 min

7

The Great Petrie Fortune

After Rob and Laura finish watching a movie Uncle Hezekiah gives Rob and Laura clue as to what the fortune might be.

25 min

8

Odd But True

Ritchie finds out the freckles on Rob's back form the shape of the Liberty Bell. Millie wants to send a pictrue to Odd But True. (a nwespaper column)

25 min

9

Viva Petrie

Maria (the Petrie's maid) tells Manuel Luis Rodriguez to go to the Petrie's because Maria feels that Rob can find him a job, but the only Manuel can do is be a bullfighter.

25 min

10

Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Alberta Nelson shines in a small part as Miss Reshovsky, the concerned elementary schoolteacher of note. Rob and Laurie Petrie are also asked to the principal's office to discuss their son.

25 min

11

Body and Sol

Rob tells Buddy and Sally of the time he became the middle weight champion of his Army Camp.

25 min

12

See Rob Write, Write Rob, Write

After going to the Butcher's Shop to get something for dinner, Laura sees pictures (drawn By Charlie Wheelright) Laura wants to write a story to help sell Charlie's pictures. Rob doesn't like the idea because he always finshes her stories.

25 min

13

You're Under Arrest

After fighting with Laura, Rob is arrested for hurting an old Lady. Rob has trouble telling police he didn't hurt the Lady (whom he saw in a barroom).

25 min

14

Fifty-Two, Forty-Five or Work

The Alan Brady Show is on hiatus Rob is worried about to support Laura (who is pregnant with Ritchie) Rob doesn't anyone to know he needs a job until The Alan Brady Show returns from hiatus.

25 min

15

Who Stole My Watch?

After Rob loses his watch that he got as birthday gift, He thinks everyone he knows took his watch. Laura and Rob plan a party to say they are sorry after they learn a crook stole Rob's watch.

25 min

16

I Do Not Choose to Run

Rob gives a speech at council meeting that will land him a nomination for city councilman of New Rochelle.

25 min

17

The Making of a Councilman

Rob decides to quit running for his seat on the New Rochelle city council after meeting the opponent running against him because of his experience.

25 min

18

The Curse of the Petrie People

Laura gets a brooch that (in the shape of the United States) tells the history of the Petrie family. Laura later puts the brooch in the garbage! We learn that Rob's mom hates the brooch!

25 min

19

The Bottom of Mel Cooley's Heart

Mel is in trouble for not telling Alan that there was a change in the script. Rob tries to get Mel to stick up for himself, But Mel gets fired.

25 min

20

Remember the Alimony

Rob and Laura leave Anchor Texas to go to Mexico only to find that marriage is hard to do. They soon find out that getting a divorce is easier than they thought (it costs $10 in Mexico!)

25 min

21

Dear Sally Rogers

Sally really wants a husband she goes on ""The Stevie Parsons Show"" thinking she has finally found a husband or has she? Stevie asks Rob to help in a stunt where Stevie picks a letter written to Sally, One problem Sally has no idea what will happen! Wait until Sally finds out who Box 7030 is!

25 min

22

Buddy Sorrell, Man and Boy

Rob & Sally think Buddy is having an affair but he is getting ready for his bar mitzvah.

25 min

23

Bad Reception in Albany

Rob and Laura are attending a wedding in Albany, Rob is asked by Alan to watch a fashion show. He promises to tell Alan what he thought of it. Rob has to hurry to the church to usher a wedding.

25 min

24

Talk to the Snail

Rob fears his job is gone after reading a memo (found in the trash where they are looking for this week's script that Buddy lost) Rob almost writes for Jelly Bean a snail!

25 min

25

A Day in the Life of Alan Brady

Jerry & Millie are having their anniversary party, at the Petrie home one problem the party is a part of documentary that focuses on Alan.

25 min

26

Obnoxious, Offensive, Egomaniac, Etc.

The staff sends a script to Alan Brady without deleting the insults directed at the star that they routinely add to blow off steam.

24 min

27

The Man from My Uncle

Ritchie's bedroom is used as a stakeout point (it has the best view) Harry Bond is looking for the nephew of Wendell Gerard, Rob loves the gadgets the agent brings to solve the case.

25 min

28

You Ought to Be in Pictures

Rob gets a movie role, but he has to kiss a woman. Laura makes sure that nothing else happens.

25 min

29

Love Thy Other Neighbor

Laura and Rob spend time with the Staggs and going to the theater,Jerry & Millie feel left out.

25 min

30

Long Night's Journey into Day

Rob & Jerry go fishing leaving Laura (who has a cold) home alone with a mynah bird. Millie comes back to keep Laura company, Millie couldn't find Laura (She was taking a shower).

25 min

31

The Gunslinger

Under anesthesia for a dental procedure, Rob dreams he is a sheriff in the old west.

25 min

32

The Last Chapter

Rob gives Laura his book (it took 5 years to write.) As Laura begins to read the book, we see classic moments from several episodes. The book takes us through how Rob and Laura met as well as how Rob almost missed his wedding! Later Rob talks about waiting for the birth Ritchie. As Laura finishes the book Rob tells her the publisher hated the book, Alan Brady decides to make the book into a TV series!

25 min