The Daily Show Season 12, Episode 12: Sen. Charles Schumer

Louis C.K.

Tonight comedian Louis C.K.

Harry Frankfurt

Tonight philosophy professor and author of <I>On Truth</I>, Harry Frankfurt.

Gov. Mike Huckabee

Tonight former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Jon discusses the first 100 hours of the Democrats and there great start, namely Congress shutting down on the first day (to watch a football game which started at 8:30PM). Jon talks with Jon Oliver, senior comparative presidential historian about media pundits who compare Bush with Lincoln.

Peter O'Toole

Tonight legendary actor and star of <I>Venus</I>, Peter O'Toole.Jon begins with a review of George Bush's presidential address about his change of strategy in Iraq. He then discusses Bush's speech with Major Rob Riggle, the show's military analyst. Finally, Jon looks at the Democrats response and the media's use of puns to describe Bush's last chance to cure the Iraq War.

Josh Bernstein

Tonight the host of <I>Digging for the Truth</I> and author of <I>Digging for the Truth: One Man's Epic Adventure Exploring the World's Greatest Archaeological Mysteries</I>, Josh Bernstein.Jon first looks at the Senate Foreign Relation Committee and the disapproval of Bush's new Iraq plan as the Senator's discuss the details with Condoleeza Rice. Finally, Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore discusses Martin Luther King Jr. Day with Jon.

Michael Oren

Tonight journalist and author of <I>Power, Faith and Fantasy: America in the Middle East 1776 to the Present</I>, Michael Oren.Jon begins by looking at Steve Jobs introduction of the IPhone and then on to Iraq and the White House's public relations offensive to sell Bush's new strategy. Jon discusses Bush's plan further with John Oliver, Senior Policy Analyst. Finally, Jon delves deeper into criticism of the Bush plan with an in depth analysis of Rep. David Wu's comments comparing Bush to Star Trek's Klingons, with Senior Star Trek Analogy Analysts, Leonard Nimoy and George Takei.

Jerry Rice

Tonight former pro-football player and author of <I>Go Long!: My Journey and Beyond the Game and the Fame</I>, Jerry Rice.Jon begins by looking at Castro and the several conflicting reports surrounding his health, including one report stating that Castro had to be implanted with an artificial anus. Jon then looks at Obama's announcement stating that he is starting an exploratory committee in a segment called Countdown to Obamania. Jon then looks at the American Idol premiere with John Hodgman, Resident Expert. Finally, Rob Riggle looks at local politics with a man who changed his name to Andy Griffith in order to run in the election for local sheriff.

Robin Wright Penn

Tonight actress and star of <I>Hounddog</I>, Robin Wright Penn.Jon first looks at the Doomsday Clock which was set five minutes ahead, now five minutes before midnight and world wide armageddon. Jon then looks at the start of the non-binding resolution extravaganza, where each Senator seemingly has his own resolution. Jon then looks at NBC's Dateline segment where they capture would-be child predators on camera and confront them, and ABC's Primetime Live response to that ratings grabber. Don Bakkedahl takes that story deeper by taking a look at exploitative television by seeing how people react to shocking behavior. Finally, Jon looks at Rick Sanchez, the reporter who volunteered to taser himself on camera, and all the would be reporters who follow in his painful, sometimes arousing footsteps in Taser Wars 2007.

Gen. Rupert Smith

Tonight former British Army General Rupert Smith, author of <I>The Utility of Force: The Art of War in the Modern World</I>.Jon begins with a look at the President's State of the Union Address and Bush's strong use of the word strong. Jon discusses with Jason Jones, Senior Political Analyst, the piece of mind we Americans sacrifice when we watch the news about Iraq. Jon briefly looks at all the new nominees who dropped their hat into the presidential race of 2008. Finally, Jon looks at the online newspaper versus the paper kind, and how people are using the vows section of the N.Y. Times to tell their life story as well as living obituaries, where the dead person speaks his own obituary.

Terry McAuliffe

Tonight the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, Terry McAuliffe.Jon starts off with a look at the Oscar nominations and how he wasn't asked to host them this year. He then segues into Indecision 2008, with a brief look at the candidates and the media's thirst for polls over who will win the primaries one year from now. Jon discusses with Senior Polling Expert, Samantha Bee, polling in general and how the numbers rise and fall over the course of a few hours. Finally, Louis Black looks at television show disclaimers and apologies in Back in Black.

Scott McClellan

Tonight former White House press secretary Scott McClellan.Jon begins with a thorough review of the President's State of the Union address. Rob Riggle and Samantha Bee then report on their overall impressions of the speech. Finally, Jon looks at the Democrats and medias response to Bush's speech.

Bill Gates

Tonight the founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates and his quick exit after the interview.Jon starts the show with a look at who has or has not said they will run for President. Indecision '08 continues with Jon focusing on two of the Democratic candidates. First, Jon looks at Hillary Clinton and her joking about her husband's infidelity. Finally, Jon looks at the media's overreaction to Obama attending a muslim private school.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Tonight astrophysicist and author of <I>Death by Black Hole: And Other Cosmic Quandries</I>, Neil deGrasse Tyson.Jon begins with a look at the Scooter Libby trial with a summary as to how it all began. Furthermore, John Oliver, Senior White House Correspondent comments on the Libby trial in more detail. Finally, Jon looks at how the primaries are now being moved up to earlier and earlier dates. He discusses this with John Hodgman, Resident Expert.

Sen. Joe Biden

Tonight Delaware Senator Joe Biden.Jon first looks at Bush's comments on Vice President Dick Cheney. Jon then looks at Bush's new Iraq strategy, or lack therof, and how anyone fpund disagreeing with Bush, in effect emboldens the terrorists. Jon talks with John Oliver, Senior White House Correspondent, about the intricacies of emboldening terrorists. Finally, Jon discusses with Larry Wilmore, Senior Black Historian, black history month's purpose.

Sienna Miller

Tonight actress and star of <I>Factory Girl</I>, Sienna Miller.Jon first looks at Mary Cheney, the Vice President's lesbian daughter, who stated that the birth of her child should not be used for political maneuvering in response to Wolf Blitzer's interview the day before. Jon delves deeper into the issue as to why Dick Cheney's daughter is off limits with John Oliver, Senior Media Critic. Jon also talks with Chrissy Gephardt, lesbian daughter of former presidential candidate, Dick Gephardt. Finally, Jason Jones exposes the real Orange County in a two-part series.

Walter Scheib

Tonight former White House chef and author of <I>White House Chef: Eleven Years, Two Presidents, One Kitchen</I>, Walter Scheib.Jon begins with a look at the Super Bowl and the ads. Jon moves on to the Bush administrations acceptance of the new global warming report. Dan Bakkedahl, Senior White House Correspondent, talks with Jon about this development. Finally, France shuts off the lights from famous buildings as a response to global warming, Jon discusses this with John Oliver, Senior Envirospondent.

Mike Rowe

Tonight the host of <I>Dirty Jobs</I>, Mike Rowe.Jon begins with a look at evangelical minister Ted Haggard, who is now apparently completely heterosexual. Jon then looks at the non-binding resolution wars that continue in Congress. Also, Jon looks at the songs of the new Democratic presidential candidates. Finally, Jason Jones finishes his second part of a two part series on Laguna Beach.

Ralph Nader

Tonight consumer advocate and author of <I>The Seventeen Traditions</I>, Ralph Nader.Jon begins with the bizarre story of the crazy diaper wearing astronaut Lisa Nowak out for revenge. He discusses this latest story with Rob Riggle, Senior Space Correspondent. Finally, Jon look at the media's use of various kinds of news consultant and discusses this with Samantha Bee, Senior Continental Revenge Trek Analyst.

John Mellencamp

Tonight, musician John Mellencamp.Jon first looks at the moral outrage over a Super Bowl snickers ad and a suicide prevention groups complaint over GM's ad showing a robot killing itself after losing its job. Jon then looks at Paul Bremmer's failure to account for $8 billion that went to Iraq for reconstruction. Finally, John Oliver investigates a man in Colorado who is suing a bar for sex discrimination because they have a ladies night.

Jeffrey Rosen

Tonight law professor and legal editor for the <I>New Republic</I> and author of <I>The Supreme Court: The Personalities and Rivalries That Defined America</I>, Jeffrey Rosen.Jon looks at the media's heavy coverage of Anna Nicole's death with Rob Riggle, Senior Entertainment Correspondent & Jason Jones, Senior Media Analyst. Finally, Jon looks at Obama's announcement that he is running for President and he discusses this with Senior Black Correspondent, Larry Wilmore.

Christopher Horner

Tonight attorney and senior fellow at the Competitive Enterprise Institute and author of <I>The Politically Incorrect Guide to Global Warming (and Environmentalism)</I>, Christopher Horner.Jon first looks at the media's coverage of Anna Nicole's death fridge and a look inside CNN's own break room fridge. Jon then looks at Douglas Feith, the man who disseminated intelligence to the President about Iraq. Finally, Dan Bakkedahl looks at the polar bear clubs reaction to global warming.

Ishmael Beah

Tonight former child soldier in Sierra Leone's civil war and author of <I>A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier</I>, Ishmael Beah.Jon begins the show with a look at the deal struck with North Korea to stop their nuclear weapons program and John Bolton's disapproval of it. Jon then talks with John Hodgman about the nature of love. Finally, Jason Jones looks at partisan political dating sites in 'Must Love Dogma.

Meredith Vieria

Tonight the co-host of <I>Today</I>, Meredith Vieria.Jon begins with a review of the House of Representatives debate and inaction as they try to pass their non-binding resolution. Jon then looks at Iran who, according to the U.S. government, is supplying weapons to insurgents in Iraq. Finally, Jon discusses this Iranian development with John Oliver, Senior Military Speculator.

Craig Newmark

Tonight the founder of craigslist.com, Craig Newmark.Jon begins by looking at last nights Oscars with Senior Entertainalist, John Oliver. Finally, Samantha Bee gives us a glimpse at religion and fashion in Fashion Week in God.

John Amaechi

Tonight former NBA star and author of <I>Man in the Middle</I>, John Amaechi.Jon begins with a look at Laura Bush's opinion about the current state of Iraq. Jon then looks at the Clinton/Obama war in the media over what David Geffen said. Jon discusses this further with Jason Jones, Senior Hollywood Correspondent. Finally, Rob Riggle looks at rural America's reaction to a Muslim mosque being built in Texas in Loathe Thy Neighbor.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Tonight actor and star of <I>Zodiac</I>, Jake Gyllenhaal.Jon starts off with a story about a hepatitis exposure scare at a Sports Illustrated party for the latest swimsuit issue. Jon then talks about Vice President Cheney's recent trips overseas with John Oliver, Senior Cheney Chaser. Finally, Lewis Black in Back in Black.

Sam Sheridan

Tonight sports journalist and author of <I>A Fighter’s Heart: One Man’s Journey Through the World of Fighting</I>, Sam Sheridan.Jon starts off with a story about Al Sharpton, whose great grandfather it turns out, was once owned as a slave by the now deceased Senator Strom Thurmond's relatives. Jon asks Al Sharpton his opinion about this new story. Finally, a look at the new documentary by James Cameron about Jesus' tomb and conservatives outrage.

Bob Woodruff

Tonight, journalist and author of In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing, Bob Woodruff. Jon first looks at and later discusses the conditions at Walter Reed Army Medical center with Senior Military Analyst, John Oliver. Finally, Jon looks at the Bush administrations record of deflecting blame, even now with the problems at Walter Reed.

Dr. Richard Jadick

Tonight, military doctor and author of On Call In Hell: A Doctor's Iraq War Story, Dr. Richard Jadick.Jon first looks at the Scooter Libby guilty verdict. He then talks about the Walter Reed hearings in Congress and Bush's address to the veterans of the American Legion with Rob Riggle, Senior Military Analyst. Finally, Samantha Bee in a segment called Sam on Your Side. She interviews a CT atheist who is looking to sue a town because the local church bells annoy him.

Wynton Marsalis

Tonight, jazz musician Wynton Marsalis promotes his new album From The Plantation To The Penitentiary.Jon begins with a brief history about the Scooter Libby trial. He discusses this further with Senior Legal Analyst, Samantha Bee. Jon ends the segment with a Robert Novak douchebag montage. Finally, Jon talks with John Hodgman about athletes and the effects of HGH, human growth hormone.

Dr. Sharon Moalem

Tonight, Dr. Sharon Moalem, author of Survival of the Sickest: A Medical Maverick Discovers Why We Need Disease.Jon starts off with a report about journalists who are being killed in Russia for criticizing Putin. Kremlin Bureau Chief John Oliver talks with Jon about this new report. Indecision 2008 continues with a look at Clinton & Obama's Southern accent impersonations during their speech's in Selma, AL. Finally, Dan Bakkedahl, Senior Horologist, looks at the upcoming apocalypse that will be caused by daylight savings time being moved up 3 weeks.

Senator Chris Dodd

Tonight on the show, 2008 presidential candidate Chris Dodd.Jon opens the show with the big announcement by Senator Chuck Hagel that he may or may not run for President. Jon then looks at the continuing President Bush tour of South America in a segment called "Bush: ¿Donde Esta?" Aasif Mandvi talks with Jon about Halliburton moving their corporate headquarters to Dubai in "The Long Kiss Dubai". Finally, Samantha Bee looks at the current celebrity trend of adopting foreign babies in "Totally Doing Starbusiness".

John Waters

Tonight, cult film director John Waters talks about his new Court TV series, 'Til Death Do Us Part.Jon begins with Bush's last day touring South America where he apparently helped box lettuce in Guatemala. Jon then looks at the Democrats complicated withdrawal plan out of Iraq in a segment called '08 Simple Rules for Dating our Withdrawal. Jon then discusses Vice President Cheney's clout and how it never seems to run out. Finally, Jon looks at the Democrats withdrawal from a Fox News sponsored debate because of something Roger Ailes, Fox News President said.

Zbigniew Brzezinski

Tonight, political scientist and the former U.S. National Security Advisor to Jimmy Carter, Zbigniew Brzezinski, promoting his new book Second Chance: Three Presidents and the Crisis of American Superpower.Jon begins with a look at Senator Chris Dodd's blog. Jon then looks into the Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez scandal, where 8 U.S. attorneys were fired for political reasons in a segment called "Nuthin' But A.G. Thang". Jon then talks about the scandal with Aasif Mandvi, Senior Legal Correspondent, in a segment called "Seedy Gonzalez". Finally, a look at a curious phrase White House appointees use: "Serving at the pleasure of the President".

Sandra Bullock

Tonight, actress Sandra Bullock promotes her new movie, Premonition.Jon begins with a final look at Bush's tour of South America, which ended in Mexico. Jon then talks about Khalid Sheikh Mohamed's confession about planning several terrorist attacks, including 9/11. Jon then talks with Jon Oliver, Senior Produce Analyst, about the Chiquita banana scandal in a segment called "Banana Drama". Chiquita apparently paid $1.7 million in protection money to a Columbian terrorist group. Finally, Jon looks at Iran's outrage over the new movie 300 and how it unfairly disparages Persians.

Stephen Prothero

Tonight, the chair of the religion department at Boston University and author of <I>Religious Literacy: What Every American Need to Know-And Doesn’t</I>, Stephen Prothero.Jon begins by marking the 4th anniversary of the Iraq War. Jon then looks at the compelling testimony of Valerie Plame in front of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform in a segment called "Blondie". Finally, Jason Jones looks at potential cures for homosexuality in a segment called "Diagnosis Mystery".

John Bolton

Tonight, former U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. from August 2005 until December 2006, John Bolton.Jon begins with a look at the continuing Justice Department scandal. Jon then talks with Rob Riggle about a term Karl Rove used in an email differentiating between disloyal district attorneys and "loyal Bushies". Finally, all aboard John McCain's Straight Talk Express, because its back and fortunate for us, won't allow McCain to lie as Jon shows in a clip showing McCain misspeak.

Chris Hansen

Tonight, Dateline NBC journalist Chris Hansen promotes his continuing segment on the show and his new book, To Catch a Predator.Jon begins the show with the constitutional showdown over whether Karl Rove will testify about the firing of the eight U.S. attorney's. Jon then looks at Bush's response to the scandal and the "reasonable proposal" he made to have Karl Rove testify, in private and not under oath. John Oliver, Senior Washington Correspondent talks about this proposal with Jon in a segment called "Eight Men Out". Finally, a recap of the John Bolton interview from last night's episode and Bolton's continuing assertion that Jon is wrong. Jon talks about a specific point he made about Abraham Lincoln in last night's interview with Doris Kearns Goodwin (an expert who wrote a book on Lincoln) and how Bolton was in fact, the one who was wrong.

Don Cheadle

Tonight, actor Don Cheadle promotes his new movie, Reign Over Me.Jon first talks about Al Gore testifying in front of Congress about global warming in a segment called "Welcome Back, Hotter". Jon then talks about the fired U.S. Attorney's and Press Secretary Tony Snow trying to sell Bush's offer that Karl Rove testify in private and not under oath in "Showdown at Justice". Finally, Jon talks with Demetri Martin about Viacom suing Google and YouTube over copyright infringment.

Senator John Kerry

Tonight, Senator John Kerry promotes his new book, This Moment on Earth: Today's New Environmentalists and Their Vision for the Future.

Dennis Miller

Tonight, comedian Dennis Miller promotes his new radio show.

Bill Richardson

Tonight, current Governor of New Mexico and 2008 presidential candidate who is also promoting his book, 'Between Worlds: The Making of an American Life', Bill Richardson. Jon begins with a look at Bush's repsonse to the Dems troop withdrawal bill in a segment called "Furious George". Jon then talks with John Hodgman about the President's use of executive privilege. Finally, Larry Wilmore & John Oliver look at the n-word and whether it should be banned in a segment entitled "Wilmore & Oliver Investigates".

Philip Zimbardo

Tonight, psychologist Philip Zimbardo promotes his new book, The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil.

Bill Bradley

Walter Isaacson

Halle Berry

Richard Preston

Andrew Card

Tonight, former White House Chief of Staff for President George W. Bush, Andy Card. Jon begins the show with the fired U.S. attorney's scandal. Over 5 million White House staffer e-mails have gone missing, including some containing information about the fired attorneys in a segment called "The Amazing Erase". The White House claims that the e-mails were mistakenly erased. To put the story in perspective, Jon calls Sen. Ted Stevens(R) from Alaska to help explain the complexity of the internet and email. Furthermore, Jon talks with Senior Technology Correspondent Jason Jones about how easily these e-mails could be accidentally erased.

Sig Hansen

Tonight, Norwegian fisherman Sig Hansen from the show Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. Jon begins the show with a brief talk about the big rainstorm in the Northeast. Jon then talks about Paul Wolfowitz who used his influence at the World Bank to get a promotion and raise for his girlfriend in a segment called "Loan Wolf". On a lighter note, Jon talks about Richard Gere who over the weekend kissed a Bollywood star during an AIDS awareness rally in India in a segment called "American Gigolo". This kiss led to massive protests in India since public displays of affection are frowned upon there. Senior Mumbai Bureau Chief Aasif Mandvi talks with Jon about the protests, which included burning effigies of Gere on the street. Finally, Rob Riggle goes to Largo, FL and talks with Steve Stanton who was fired from his job as a city manager because he is transgendered in a segment called "Suddenly Susan".

Ali Allawi

Tonight, former Minister of Trade, Defense, & later Finance in the Interim Iraq Governing Council, Ali Allawi, who is also promoting his new book, The Occupation of Iraq: Winning the War, Losing the Peace. Jon begins tonight's show with "Mess O'Potamia", where amid one of the bloodiest days in Iraq, 6 Shiite cabinet ministers resigned because Prime Minister al-Maliki will not set a timetable for U.S. troop withdrawal. Also, Jon looks at Bush's new war czar position, which has been created to apparently cut through all the federal bureaucracy bogging down the Iraq War. Since the position has been rejected by 5 generals that have been asked to fill the spot, the White House is changing the name from "war czar" to "execution manager". Finally, Senior Financial Correspondent John Oliver talks with Jon about the contradictions plaguing the U.S. economy as the stock market hits an all time high, but the dollar has reduced in value by half as $1 now equals 2 British pounds.

Jeremy Scahill

Tonight, journalist and author of Blackwater: The Rise of the World's Most Powerful Mercenary Army, Jeremy Scahill. Jon begins the show by talking with Senior Legal Correspondent Aasif Mandvi about the Supreme Courts decision to affirm the partial birth abortion ban in a segment called "America Decides". Jon then talks about Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez who testified before the Senate about not recalling anything he may or may not have done. Finally, Jason Jones talks with Frosty Hardison, a man who got his daughter's Seattle school board to stop a teacher from showing the movie An Inconvenient Truth in her class in a segment called "Apocalypse How?".

Matt Cooper

Tonight, journalist for the Condé Nast Portfolio, Matt Cooper. Jon begins tonight show with a look at France's runoff election for President between conservative Nicolas Sarkozy and socialist Segolene Royal. Jon then does a brief recap of the Alberto Gonbzalez testimony and talks with Senior Washington Correspondent John Oliver about Bush's reaction to the testimony. Finally, Samantha Bee does a story about Earth Day in a segment called "Man v. Earth: The Wreckoning".

Senator John McCain

Tonight, presidential candidate Senator John McCain. Jon begins the show with a look at the continuing battle in Washington D.C. over funding for the war and the use of timetables in a segment called "Mess O'Potomac". Finally, Jon talks with 1st term President Bush and 2nd term Bush using past clips of the President that seemingly contradict one another.

Garry Shandling

Tonight, comedian Garry Shandling promotes his new DVD Not Just the Best of the Larry Sanders Show. Jon begins tonight's show with a look at Baghdad and how the Bush administration is bridging the gap between Shiites and Sunnis by building a series of walls in Baghdad in a segment called "Extreme Makeover: Baghdad Edition". Jon then talks with Baghdad Bureau Chief Aasif Mandvi about the Baghdad walls in a segment called "Wall or Nothing". Finally, Lewis Black makes fun of several Earth Day television specials in "Back in Black".

Richard Gere

Tonight, actor Richard Gere promotes his new movie The Hoax.

Christopher Hitchens

Tonight, author and journalist Christopher Hitchens promotes his book God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything.

Tobey Maguire

Pierre Rehov

Tonight, director Pierre Rehov promotes his new documentary out on DVD, Suicide Killers. Jon begins the show with a good old fashioned Washington D.C. sex scandal. Deborah Jeane Palfrey a.k.a. Miz Julia, has submitted 46 pounds of telephone records from an escort service she ran for 13 years. Jon looks at the media frenzy to see which powerful D.C. men are on the list in a segment called "Beltway: Unbuckled". Senior Washington Correspondent Jason Jones talks with Jon about the how one can hire an escort legally and for nonsexual reasons, namely, by always laying down on your stomach while you get your "massage". Finally, Aasif Mandvi takes a look at both sides of the debate over Chief Illiniwek, the mascot for the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign who recently was retired because of protests saying the chief perpetuated rascist stereotypes in a segment called "Trail of Cheers".

Ted Koppel

Tonight, journalist Ted Koppel. Politicians on television programs us common folks watch are prevalent this week as Jon begins the show by looking at President Bush and Laura Bush on American Idol & Hillary Clinton on The Insider. As the 4th anniversary of Bush's mission accomplished on the aircraft carrier fiasco loomed large this week, the Democrats passed the Iraq funding bill only to have it vetoed by Bush in a continuing show segment, "Mess O' Potamac". Finally, snitchin' is not hip in the African-American community. Just ask Cam'ron, a rapper who made it clear that those who snitch to the police about crimes in the community, even a serial killer who lives next door, have no street cred and thus sales of their rap albums suffer. Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore talks with Jon about the ethical implications of this stop snitchin' phenomenon and the rappers code of "effix".

Lee Gutkind

Tonight, author Lee Gutkind promotes his new book Almost Human: Making Robots Think. Jon begins the show with an in depth look at the Republican presidential candidate debate last week in a continuing show segment, "Clusterf@#k to the White House". Senior Correspondent Aasif Mandvi reporting live from the gates of hell talks with Jon about John McCain's comment at the debate that he will hunt Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell in a segment called "Styx & Stones". Finally, John Oliver gives us a behind the scenes look at the Republican debate.

George Tenet

Tonight, former director of the CIA and author of At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA, George Tenet. Jon begins with Queen Elizabeth II visit to Washington D.C. where she hung out with President Bush at a series of events in a segment called "Elizabeth II: Visit from a Nice Old Lady". Finally, Jon talks with Royal Watcher John Oliver who wasn't as excited as he should be about the Queen's visit.

Michael Beschloss

Tonight, presidential historian Michael Beschloss promotes his new book Presidential Courage: Brave Leaders and How They Changed America 1789-1989. Jon begins with a foiled terrorist plot to attack Fort Dix in New Jersey by terrorists who delivered pizza to the army base. "Mess O'Potamia" continues as Jon reports about a secret 24 member all Shiite panel dubbed "The Office" who exert their authority to overrule official government decisions in order to help Shiite militias. But fear not, because Dick Cheney is on the way to Iraq to pay a visit and offer his support as Jon's theory on Cheney's evilness is proved once again. The segment concludes with a report about a Palestinian kid's show sporting a Mickey Mouse like character that encourages kids to hate Jews & America. And finally, Jon talks with Youth Spotting Expert Demetri Martin who discusses and give us tips on the use of video resumes to set one apart from those dreary paper resumes.

Reza Aslan

Tonight, author of No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam, Reza Aslan. The show begins with "Mess O' Potomac" as Jon talks about the new Iraq spending bill that promises Bush half of the money now and the other half contingent on a July progress report. Of course, Bush plans another veto saying that any restrictions placed on the Iraq War by Congress is unacceptable and promotes defeatism. So when will the war end and what is Bush's definition of victory or success in Iraq? Jon looks at a series of clips showing the flexibility of Bush's definitions over the course of the Iraq War and also talks with Baghdad Bureau Chief Aasif Mandvi. Finally, Jon crosses over the Atlantic to Great Britain, where Tony Blair announced that he is planning on stepping down as Prime Minister on June 27th. Jon goes over some of the highlights of his speech in a segment called "The Blair Ditch Project".

Jeremy Paxman

Tonight, BBC news reporter and author of the new book, On Royalty: A Very Polite Inquiry into Some Strangely Related Families, Jeremy Paxman. The show begins with a clip of Bush "The Decider" taking matters into his own hands and conducting an orchestra during the 400th anniversary of the founding of Jamestown. The fired U.S. attorney's scandal continues as Alberto Gonzalez testifies about what he doesn't remember before the House Judiciary Committee in a segment called "House A.G.". Senior Legal Correspondent Rob Riggle talks with Jon about how White House officials can never comment before, during, and after investigations into wrongdoing in a segment called "Speak No Evil". Finally, Samantha Bee in "This Week In God" talks about the history of Mormons as it relates to current presidential candidate Mitt Romney & about a hispanic man in Florida who founded a church based on the claim that he is the Antichrist.

Tim Russert

Tonight, the host of Meet the Press and author of Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons, Tim Russert. "Clusterf@#k to the White House" continues with Jon showing us four of the presidential candidates hitting the airwaves on Mother's Day to talk about themselves. Jason Jones enlightens us about the importance of good skin and spin doctoring for politicians in a segment called "Nip/Talk". Finally, in a segment entitled "Banned Width", Jon talks about how reporters are now banned from filming insurgent bombings in Iraq & U.S. soldiers are banned from going on websites like YouTube & MySpace under the guise of protecting confidential military information.

Don Rickles

Brink Lindsey

Tonight, contributing editor to Reason Magazine & author of the new book The Age of Abundance: How Prosperity Transformed America's Politics and Culture, Brink Lindsey.

Zaki Chehab

Tonight, journalist and author of Inside Hamas: The Untold Story of the Militant Islamic Movement, Zaki Chehab. The show begins with some breaking news out of the Middle East that amazingly has nothing to do with the U.S. in a segment called "Middle East Trouble?" Military forces in Lebanon attacked a Palestinian refugee camp that harbored an al-Qaeda sect called Fatah al-Islam. Senior Beirut Correspondent Jason Jones stops by to give his report on the breaking news out of Lebanon. The end of an era is at hand as Bush and Blair part ways in a segment called "The End of the Affair". Jon provides us with a touching montage of Bush & Blair's greatest moments together with Dirty Dancing's "I've Had The Time Of My Life" playing in the background.

Margaret Spellings

Tonight, the current Secretary of Education under President Bush, Margaret Spellings. Jon begins tonights show with the new Immigration Reform Bill being proposed in Congress in a segment called "Aliens v. Senators". Senior Immigration Correspondent Aasif Mandvi goes over some of the more complicated parts of the bill with Jon. Finally, Dan Bakkedahl experiences the joy in what it's like to be a Mexican crossing the border illegally in a segment called "Mexodus".

Lt. Col. Kevin Robbins

Tonight, the commander of the U.S. Air Force Air Demonstration Squadron “Thunderbirds”, Lt. Col. Kevin Robbins. Jon begins the show with "Mess O'Potomac" as the Democrats withdraw any timetables they had in their Iraq War funding bill, instead opting for a series of objectives that have to be met by the Iraqi's. Who determines if they meet these objectives, why Bush of course. Jon nails Senator Harry Reid who agreed with the new bill, even though it's substantially similar to Senator John Warner's bill, which Reid previously said was weak and compared it to an old cup of tea sitting on a table for a few weeks. Jon then looks at Jimmy Carter's comment that the Bush administration is the worst in history. Senior Presidential Historian John Oliver talks with Jon and delve into Carter's comments and about past president's that may have been worse.

Al Gore

Tonight, former politician and current political activist on the environment and author of The Assault on Reason, Al Gore. Jon begins with a look at the media blitzkrieg on reports about high gas prices in a segment called "Gas Pains". Senior Petroleum Expert Rob Riggle dresses up in Mad Max gear to talk with Jon about this story. Finally, Jon reports about Monica Goodling who testified before the House Judiciary Committee about the fired U.S. attorney's in a segment called "Illegally Blonde".

Rep. Ron Paul

Tonight, Jon talks with Republican candidate for President, Ron Paul. Jon begins tonight's show by describing his vacation last week to Greece where he met a man named Andrew on the plane, who incidentally is the same man who caused the tuberculosis scare around the world. "Clusterf@#k to the White House" continues as Jon reports on the recent Democrat debate. Jon looks at the multitude of raise your hand questions by Wolf Blitzer, the we all speak the same language of Hillary Clinton, the Edwards/Obama snaps, & Biden's glory hole rhetoric. Finally, Jon calls Larry Flynt to discuss his recent Washington Post ad offering $1 million for proof that any government official had an extramarital affair.

Paul Rudd

Tonight, actor Paul Rudd promotes his new movie Knocked Up. Jon begins the show tonight with the Scooter Libby jail sentence. Libby was sentenced to 30 months in jail and a $250,000 fine. Letters of praise and denouncement were sent to the judge to help him determine a sentence. Jon takes a look at some of the letters sent in praise of Libby from the likes of such distinguished individuals as Henry Kissinger & Donald Rumsfeld. Jon reports on Congressman William Jefferson who was charged on numerous counts of corruption in a segment called "Father of the Bribe". Jon not only highlights the numerous charges against Jefferson, but the fact that he kept $90,000 in his freezer. Jon then shows us a nice montage of Bush using the same language he denounced opponents of the immigration reform bill as using, namely, empty political rhetoric such as the word amnesty to induce fear in a segment called "Hasta la Visa".

Michael Barone

Tonight, political analyst and author of Our First Revolution: The Remarkable British Upheaval That Inspired America's Founding Fathers, Michael Barone. Jon begins with "Clusterf@#k to the White House" and a look at Tuesday's Republican debate. Jon highlights some of the debate's finer points from whether the candidates would invade Iraq given what they know now, would they allow openly gay members of the military, and general 'I believe in God' comments and fear mongering. Also, Senior Campaign Theologian John Oliver talks with Jon about God's use of lightning during the debate when Giuliani was speaking about abortion. Finally, Lewis Black in "Back in Black" reports on new technology. Lewis talks about Big Brother in google's new Street View option in google map, a new device allowing movie theatre patrons to rat out rude behavior, and myspace.com reporting the identities of sex predators.

Eddie Izzard

Tonight, comedian and star of the FX show The Riches and Ocean's 13, Eddie Izzard. Jon begins the show by reporting on London's new Olympic logo for the 2012 Olympics. Apparently, the animated logo was removed from the internet for fear that it would cause seizures. Jon then reports on the G-8 Summit in Germany, which sparked a number of protests in a segment called "8 Simple Rulers". Also, Jon reports on Bush's clash with his buddy Vladimir Putin about what to do about the proposed missile shield over Eastern Europe. Finally, a rerun of Samantha Bee's report on gays "corrupting" Nascar by using Fructis hair care products as a sponsor in a segment called "Gays of Thunder".

David Steinberg

Tonight, comedian and author of The Book of David, David Steinberg. Jon begins with the weekends big story as Peter Pace, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, was ousted from his position. As CNN attempted to cover this major news story, they were interrupted by the biggest news story of them all, Paris Hilton entering a car going to jail. Jon shows us that as reluctant as CNN was in covering this story, they did it all day anyway. Next, Jon covers Bush's trip to Europe where Bush was treated like a rock star in Albania in a segment called "Albaniacs". Jon calls Dennis Miller for some help in creating a Bush/Albania joke. Bush also met with the Pope for the first time and Senior Papist Jason Jones talks with Jon about Bush's visit. Finally, Resident Expert John Hodgman talks with Jon about why mixed martial arts is so popular.

Bob Shrum

Tonight, political consultant and author of No Excuses: Concessions of a Serial Campaigner, Bob Shrum. Jon begins tonight with the Senate's debate over whether they should even vote on the immigration bill in a segment called "Kill Bill". Jon then reports on Alberto Gonzales' no confidence vote in the Senate, again, to see if they should vote on it at all, in a segment called "Kill Bill Volume 2". Finally, Samantha Bee reports on whether the U.S.

Allan Brandt

Tonight, the author of The Cigarette Century: The Rise, Fall, and Deadly Persistence of the Product That Defined America, Allan Brandt. "Mess O'Potamia" continues as Jon reports on the second bombing of a holy Shi'ite mosque in Samara by insurgents. Jon reports on Bush's war czar Douglas Lute who says that progress in the war is uneven. Jon also talks about how the military is now fighting alongside the very same insurgents they were fighting against, which brings to mind that old adage, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. The segment ends with Senior Iraq Correspondent Aasif Mandvi talking with Jon about these new developments in Iraq. Finally, Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore didn't have much to say about any African-American related news, so after putting on a Detroit Red Wings cap he became a Senior Mexican Correspondent and talked with Jon about immigration reform.

Angelina Jolie

Tonight, actress Angelina Jolie promotes her new movie A Mighty Heart. Jon begins the show tonight by showing us the duplicity of White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. Two months ago, Snow said the 8 fired U.S. attorneys were fired for performance reasons. Yesterday, Snow said he never said that. "Clusterf@#k to the White House" continues with Jon reporting on Giuliani's 12 easily mockable commitments, Romney's flip floppery on abortion, & McCain's drunken bout with a burger. Jon then highlights the candidates use of the internet in their campaigns such as: buying Rudy Giuliani gear, dinner with Barack, Hillary Clinton's theme song videos, & Gravel's creepy "Rock" video. Finally, Jon reports on a bit of controversy over at the Weather Channel who's chief climatologist said that no meteorologist should get a seal of approval by the American Meteorological Society if they do not speak about global warming.

Steve Carell

Tonight, actor and comedian Steve Carell promotes his new movie Evan Almighty. With so much going on in the Middle East, Jon begins the show and leaves it up to chance by spinning the spinner to see which part of the Middle East he will cover. The winner, the Gaza Strip. Another good old fashioned civil war is in the making as Jon reports on the infighting between Fatah and Hamas in a segment called "Crisis in Gaza: Warportunity in the Middle East". Senior Gaza Correspondent Aasif Mandvi talks with Jon about this recent development. Finally, Senior Movie Reviewer Rob Riggle reviews Evan Almighty in a segment called "Shits & Riggles". He said the movie was really bad, mainly due to the fact that that he is jealous of Steve Carell's booming career.

Brian Williams

Tonight, journalist and anchor of NBC's Nightly News, Brian Williams.

Fareed Zakaria

Tonight, journalist Fareed Zakaria.

Greg Bear

Tonight, author Greg Bear promotes his new novel Quantico.

Steve Vogel

Tonight, author of The Pentagon: A History, Steve Vogel. Jon begins tonight with a report on Dick Cheney in a segment called "Dick Move". Cheney refuses to comply with the Information Security Oversight Office, a unit of the National Archives that monitors the Executive Branch's handling of classified information. As Jon reports, Cheney sought to abolish this oversight unit with a shotgun, but when that didn't work, Cheney argued that he is not part of the Executive Branch of government and therefore not subject to an executive order asking him to relinquish information. Senior White House Correspondent John Oliver talked with Jon about how Cheney is his own separate branch of government. Finally, Jason Jones reports on a man who gave his Purple Heart to President Bush because of the emotional pains and criticism Bush is experiencing in a segment called "Heart Attack".

Bruce Willis

Tonight, actor Bruce Willis promotes his new movie Live Free or Die Hard. Jon begins tonight's show with something you might not know about our illustrious Vice President in a segment called "You Don't Know Dick". Dick Cheney apparently has a man-sized safe in his office that he uses to store his 'workaday business'. Next, Jon reports on four recent Supreme Court decisions in a segment called "Decisions '07". Jon creates a spinner out of the swing vote judge on the court, Anthony Kennedy. Unfortunately, Kennedy sided with the conservative side of the court in every 5-4 decision. Senior Political Analyst Samantha Bee talks with Jon about the make-up of the Supreme Court and the fact that Cheney is a Supreme Court judge too. Finally, "Trendspotting with Demetri Martin". Youth correspondent Demetri Martin talks about credit cards and how they they target college campuses. Demetri finds this to be a good thing as going deeper into debt is alright since were all gonna die someday anyway.

Michael Moore

Tonight, director Michael Moore promotes his new documentary, Sicko. Jon begins the show with another installment of "You Don't Know Dick". Tonight's little 'Dick nugget' is the fact that the Vice President's residence at the U.S. Naval Observatory is blocked out of Google Earth and pixelated. This is due to the fact that whatever Cheney touches, pixelates instantly. Next, "Clusterf@#k to the White House". Jon reports on Giuliani's visit to Pat Robertson's Regent University and one of Giuliani's aid indicted on cocaine charges. Jon also reports on Former EPA Administrator Christie Todd Whitman who testified in front of a House subcommittee defending why she allowed 9/11 rescue workers to work in unsafe breathing conditions, proclaiming at the time that the air was safe to breathe. Finally, Lewis Black in "Back in Black". Lewis talks about how right-wingers are trying to make the internet more conservative.

Claire Danes

Tonight, actress Claire Danes promotes her new movie Evening. Jon begins again with tonight's "You Don't Know Dick" as we learn that Dick Cheney invented his own top secret fication stamp that he stamps documents with. In other Cheney news, Cheney once told Senator Patrick Leahy to go f*ck himself. Well today, Leahy got his revenge and sent a subpoena to the V.P. to obtain info on the administrations wiretap program. Next, Jon reports on the immigration bill that was resurrected only to be killed once again in a segment called "Mexican Standoff". Resident Expert John Hodgman reports on the debate over this bill, including footage of some media pundits who claim illegal aliens bring in disease and criminals into the U.S. Finally, the iPhone is coming out this Friday and Senior Technology Correspondent Rob Riggle will do anything to get his hands on one, including kicking over baby strollers.

Josh Rushing

Tonight, author of Mission Al Jazeera: Build a Bridge, Seek the Truth, Change the World, U.S. Marine Captain Josh Rushing, a former press officer for U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) during the 2003 Invasion of Iraq. Jon returns after two weeks off and begins by reporting on the Scooter Libby commutation. Next, Jon reports on the 'progress' made in Iraq the last two weeks in "Mess O'Potomac". As the Iraqi Parliament is taking off the whole month of August because of the sweltering heat in Baghdad, Jon reports on the Iraqi report card released by the Bush administration last week. Jon also shows us the political contortions used by the Bush administration to sell this progress. Senior Military Affairs Correspondent Rob Riggle talks with Jon about these latest developments. Finally, John Oliver files a report on Sen. James Inhofe's proposal to make English the official language of the U.S. in a segment called "Language Burier".

Christopher Walken

Tonight, actor Christopher Walken promotes his new movie Hairspray. Jon begins tonight reporting on Louisiana Senator David Vitter, who recently was found to be on the D.C. madam's phone list. So you think the Bush administration can't sink any lower with all the scandals surrounding them right now, well Jon has a surprise for us in a segment called "You Have No Idea!" Former Bush administration Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona was not allowed to speak at the Special Olympics because the Kennedy's support the Olympics. Also, Dr. Carmona had to mention Bush in a positive light at his speaking engagements, a minimum of 3 times. His homophobic replacement Dr. John Holsinger was a worthy replacement, as Jon notes from Dr. Holsinger's reports writing in graphic detail about a scientific basis as to why homosexuality is abnormal. Finally, Jon reports on the Catholic church sex abuse scandal in a segment called "Hot & Fathered".

Matt Groening

Tonight, the creator of The Simpsons, who is also promoting the upcoming Simpsons Movie, Matt Groening. Jon begins the show tonight commenting on the Atlanta Falcons quarterback arrested for dogfighting. Jon then reports on the Senate all-nighter as Dems try to tire Republicans out with debate over the Iraq War in a segment called "C-Span After Dark". As Jon notes, the all-night session had a simple message, 'Let Us Vote'. Dems want to vote on an amendment that would bring the troops home by next April while the Republicans are using a filibuster to block them from even voting. The final tally, 52-47, short of the 60 votes needed. Political Theatre Critic John Oliver highlights some of the more dramatic aspects of the Senate debates. Washington Bureau Chief Aasif Mandvi talks with Jon about the sacrifice Senators made in staying up all night.

Adam Sandler

Tonight, Adam Sandler promotes his new movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Jon begins by going to Senior Literary Correspondent John Oliver who's at a local NYC bookstore with a report on the upcoming final Harry Potter book in a segment called "Harry Potter and the Endless Build Up". Jon then reports on the current state of Al Qaeda in a segment called "Return of the Jihad". Bush's rhetoric over the years that the terrorist group has weakened is contradictory to a recent National Intelligence Estimate stating that Al Qaeda is stronger than ever. The Bush administration insists that they were right to invade Iraq because it has weakened the terrorists, yet we need to continue to stay in Iraq because of how strong the terrorists are there. Jon talks with Senior Political Correspondent Aasif Mandvi about this mind boggling contradiction.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Tonight, astrophysicist and the host of the new PBS show NOVA ScienceNOW, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Jon begins tonight reporting on the short lived presidency of Dick Cheney last Saturday in a segment called "The Cheney Presidency Remembered". While Bush was undergoing a colonoscopy and had to be under anasthesia, Dick Cheney was President for 2 hours. Jon gives a blow by blow account of this event, taking us on a tour of Bush's colon and Cheney's short lived attempt to start another war. Senior Presidential Historian Samantha Kearns Bee talks about the history of this temporary transfer of power in her new book on the Cheney presidency called "Classified, Assified, or Grassified: Nobody Presides for Free, The Cheney Presidency". Jon then reports on the ambassador to Iraq, Ryan Crocker, who talked with the Senate Foreign Relations Committee via a 60" plasma television from Iraq in a continuing show segment called "Mess O' Potomac".

Robert Pallitto

Tonight, political scientist and author of Presidential Secrecy and the Law, Robert Pallitto. Jon devotes the entire episode to the CNN YouTube debate last night in a segment called "Indecision v.2.008". Senior Political Reporter Jason Jones talks about his concern that everyday people asking candidates questions threatens real life reporters. Finally, John Oliver takes over Demitri Martin's "Trendspotting" and asks the question whether the YouTube debate has youthanized politics.

Rob Gifford

Tonight, a correspondent on National Public Radio and author of China Road: A Journey into the Future of a Rising Power, Rob Gifford. Jon begins tonight reporting on the House Judiciary Committee citing Josh Bolten and Harriet Miers with contempt of Congress for refusing to testify under oath about the Alberto Gonzalez firings. Who enforces this contempt of Congress charge, why Alberto Gonzalez of course. Jon continues by looking at Alberto's testimony yesterday before the Senate Judiciary Committee in a segment called "Hearing Problems". Alberto's 'I don't recalls' have transformed into flat out refusals to answer any questions. Senior White House Correspondent Rob Riggle discusses the situation with Jon. Finally, Lewis Black in "Back in Black".

Robert Dallek

Tonight, presidential historian and author of Nixon and Kissinger: Partners in Power, Robert Dallek. Jon begins tonight's show reporting on a story from New Zealand in a segment called "Kiwi the People". The democratically elected government of New Zealand banned the use of any footage from their Parliament for the purpose of satire, ridicule, or denigration. Jon comes to the rescue, taking some footage of their Parliament and spices it up with some political satire and fart jokes. Jon also reports on the suspensions of cyclists in the Tour de France for suspected drug use in a segment called "The Audacity of Dope". Then, Senior Flood Correspondent John Oliver reports from the top of London's Big Ben due to the massive flooding of Great Britain in a segment called "London Flooding". Finally, Jason Jones reports on a lazy Las Vegas man who rents a scooter used for disabled people to move around the city in a segment called "High Rollers".

Alastair Campbell

Tonight, former press secretary to Tony Blair as well as the author of The Blair Years: The Alastair Campbell Diaries, Alastair Campbell. Jon begins tonight with some sports news as Iraq's soccer team defeats Saudi Arabia in the Asian Cup in a segment called "Achieving Our Goooal". Senior "Football" Correspondent John Oliver talked about the celebrations in the streets of Iraq resulting in only seven deaths for the day, a record low for Iraq. Jon then talks about Sen. Patrick Leahy who issued a subpoena for Karl Rove to testify about the fired U.S. attorney's scandal in a segment called "The Sworn Supremacy". Also, Senior White House Correspondent Aasif Mandvi talks about the use of contempt by the Bush administration. Finally, Jon reports on Britain's new prime minister Gordon Brown who had a sleepover with Bush at Camp David in a segment called "Foxy Brown". As Jon notes, Bush has a new British lapdog.

Lewis Gordon Pugh

Tonight, swimmer & environmentalist Lewis Gordon Pugh. Jon begins tonight reporting on an old Daily Show favorite, Senator Ted Stevens in a segment called "Buy-Cameral Legislature". The FBI & IRS raided Senator Stevens Alaskan home due to allegations that he took oil company bribes in return for lucrative state contracts. As Jon reports, Stevens is being investigated due to his relationship with Bill Allen, an oil company contractor who was convicted this year of bribing state lawmakers. Stevens' home renovation more than doubled the size of his home & was overseen by Allen who's company has made millions in federal contracts. Senior Legislative Correspondent Jason Jones discusses some recent stories of political corruption. Jon then reports on the media's focus on the amount of cleavage shown and clothing worn by the presidential candidates in a segment called "Indecision '08".

Jed Babbin

Tonight, former deputy undersecretary of defense during the first Bush administration and author of In The Words of Our Enemies, Jed Babbin. Jon begins tonight reporting on a "giant squid having sex with bigfoot" moment as both Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney were on television yesterday answering questions. Jon first reports on Rumsfeld who was called before the Senate to answer questions about the friendly fire death/coverup of Pat Tillman in a segment called "The Rummy Returns". As Jon notes, even though Rumsfeld has been out of the game for awhile, he jumps right back in not recalling anything. Next, Jon reports on Dick Cheney who was interviewed by CNN's Larry King in a segment called "I Now Pronounce You Dick & Larry". Jon highlights the better parts of the interview, such as Cheney's lack of regret & disregard of polls.

Matt Damon

Tonight, actor and star of the new film The Bourne Ultimatum, Matt Damon. Jon begins tonight with another Dick Cheney fun fact in a segment called "You Don't Know Dick". When Dick was secretary of defense for the first President Bush, he met with King Hassan of Morocco. As the meeting started, the king put a small silver box containing a fragment of the Koran in his translator's hand and swore him to secrecy on pain of death, whereupon Cheney said, "Damn, I need one of those”. Next, Jon reports on how the presidential candidates use food in there internet clips in a segment called "Indecision v. 2.008: Food Edition". Jon shows us various clips: the Clintons eating at a Dairy Queen, dinner with Barack contest winners converse, Edwards eats at Wendy's for his 30th anniversary, and Giuliani apparently doesn't eat food, just terrorists. Finally, "Clusterf@#k to the White House" continues as Clinton v.

Andy Samberg

Tonight, comedian Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live and the star of the new movie Hot Rod. Jon begins tonight reporting on Florida Representative Bob Allen who was caught offering money to an undercover police officer for oral sex in a segment called "Clusterf@#k to the White House: Drop and Give Me $20". As Jon notes, Bob Allen authored a bill outlawing the very same lewd acts in public he was caught of and is also the state co-chair of John McCain's campaign. Mr. Allen has a simple explanation for this incident, his fear of black people. Senior Political Correspondent John Oliver talks with Jon about other possible defenses Allen could have used instead of being racist. Clusterf@#k continues as Jon reports on the Democratic meeting in Chicago to debate amongst online bloggers in a segment called "Yearly Kos Convention". The highlight of the event was Hillary Clinton, who says she accepts money from lobbyists because they're real people, but is not influenced by them.

Sen. Joe Biden

Tonight, presidential candidate and author of Promises to Keep: On Life and Politics, Senator Joe Biden. Jon begins tonight reporting on Barry Bonds hitting 756 homeruns, breaking Hank Aaron's record. Senior Correspondent Rob Riggle talks to Jon about where he was during this historic event. Jon then reports on the missing 200,000 weapons given to Iraqi security forces in a segment called "Going, Going, Gun". General Petraeus explains this mishap by saying it was a clerical error. As Jon notes, this isn't the first time something has gone missing in Iraq. The list includes such things as 380 tons of explosives, 12 billion U.S. taxpayer dollars, & 300,000 barrels a day for four years of Iraqi crude oil. Finally, Buck Henry stopped by to talk about Rupert Murdoch who purchased Dow Jones for $5 billion, which is also the company that owns the Wall Street Journal in a segment called "The Henry Stops Here".

Tal Ben-Shahar

Tonight, psychologist and author of Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, Tal Ben-Shahar. Jon begins tonight reporting on the recent FOX News interview of President Bush with Neil Cavuto in a segment called "President Bush: In His Own Words". Jon pokes fun at all the nonsensical ways Bush tries to get his point across and his attempt to explain to us, 'in other words', how he thinks. Finally, Jon reports on Mitt Romney's five sons who have decided to forego military service for a more nobler cause, getting their dad elected in a segment called "Mess O' Poromnia". Senior Campaign Embedder Aasif Mandvi reports from Iowa about the five brothers struggle.

Bill Kristol

Tonight, editor of The Weekly Standard, Bill Kristol. Jon begins tonight with a curious tingling sensation running down the back of his spine. Karl Rove resigned from the Bush administation in a segment called "The Departed". Senior White House Correspondent John Oliver talks with Jon about this new story. Finally, Jon talks about the frequent occurrence of memory loss in the Bush administration. Is it some sort of contagious virus? To discover the true cause of this vexing problem, Jon talks with Dr. Mony J. de Leon, Professor of Psychiatry and Director of the Center for Brain Health at NYU.

Denis Leary

Tonight, star of the show Rescue Me, Denis Leary. Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, and now Rove gone, Jon begins tonight reporting on the new blood being injected into the Bush administration in a segment called "Rice & Ripken: Together at... Why!?" Condoleeza Rice announced that Cal Ripken Jr. will be a U.S. public diplomacy envoy, who's first mission is to go to China. Jon then reports on the recent Democratic candidates forum on the channel Logo, a channel geared towards homosexuals in a segment called "Clusterf@#k to the White House: Divas Live". Melissa Etheridge was one of the participants questioning the Democrats, all the while, constantly talking about herself. Jon then shows various clips of the candidates trying to support the gay community, while at the same time trying to show the rest of the country that they don't support them, otherwise known as gay marriage golf.

Stephen F. Hayes

Tonight, author of Cheney: The Untold Story of America's Most Powerful and Controversial Vice President, Stephen F. Hayes. Jon first reports on the recent visit of Nicolas Sarkozy with President Bush in Maine. Senior Western White House Correspondent Samantha Bee reports from Crawford, TX with some record breaking news. Bush has taken 423 vacation days and is on the verge of breaking Ronald Reagans 436. Next, Larry Wilmore asks the question, "Is America Ready For A Black President?" Larry looks at Obama and whether he's black enough to be considered black and also uses the Negrometer to determine how black a president America is ready for. Finally, Jon shows us a 1994 video of Dick Cheney explaining why it was good thing we didn't invade Baghdad during the first Iraq War in a segment called "Even Dick Don't Know Dick".

Sen. John McCain

Tonight, Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain promotes his new book, Hard Call: Great Decisions and the Extraordinary People Who Made Them. Jon first reports on the China toy recall crisis in a segment called "Great Recall of China". Senior Plaything Analyst John Oliver reports from his play room on this breaking story. And finally "Cluster@#k to the White House" continues with Jon reporting on Hillary Clinton who refuses to share her personal papers from when she was in the White House with Bill. Also, Jon shows various clips of presidential candidates going to hospitals; Clinton steps in the shoes of a nurse, Edwards shaves an old man, & Obama cleans a hospital room.

Nikolas Kozloff

Tonight, author of Hugo Chavez: Oil, Politics, and the Challenge to the U.S., Nikolas Kozloff. Jon begins the show tonight going live from Baghdad to the show's two Senior Baghdad Correspondent's, Rob Riggle & Aasif Mandvi in a segment called "Operation Silent Thunder". The two correspondent's compete to prove who really is in Iraq. Riggle prevails and ends the segment showing us some of his experiences in Iraq. Jon then reports on the Democrats, who for the 27th time meet to debate in a continuing show segment, "Clusterf@#k to the White House". Some of the big highlights was the fly landing on Sen. Chris Dodd's head and the camera's intense focus on Dennis Kucinich's very attractive wife, even when Kucinich wasn't speaking. Finally, Jon reports on Hugo Chavez who is consolodating his power by attempting to eliminate presidential term limits, silencing a television channel which is critical of his policies, and buying $3 billion worth of weapons in case the U.S. invades.

Alan Weisman

Tonight, journalist and author of The World Without Us, Alan Weisman. Jon begins tonight reporting on NBC Sports coverage of the Michael Vick guilty plea. The coverage was apparently more concerned about Vick's career and the gambling aspect of the dogfighting scandal. Jon then goes to Senior Baghdad Correspondent Rob Riggle who's in Iraq in a segment called "Operation: Fluffy Bunny". Rep. Mike Pence once compared Iraq to a summer market in Indiana. Riggle shows us the subtle similarities between Indiana and Iraq. Finally, Jon reports on Karl Rove's farewell tour on the Sunday morning talk show circuit and reviews some of Karl Rove's greatest hits in a segment called "Superbad".

Sen. Barack Obama

Tonight, presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama. Jon begins tonight reporting on the impatience President Bush is trying to quell about the Iraq War and the concerns over the Iraqi Parliament's vacation time in August due to the 130 degree heat in Iraq. Jon goes to Senior Baghdad Correspondent Rob Riggle who's in Iraq in a segment called "Operation Macho Kick-Ass". Riggle shows us some clips of American troops wishing the Iraqi Parliament a good vacation as they do menial tasks around Iraq. Finally, Jon reports on the complex intricacies that is American foreign policy in a segment called "America To The Rescue". For example, invading Iraq has strengthened Iran, creating fear in Saudi Arabia, leading to the U.S. selling $20 billion of weapons to the Saudi's, thus intimidating the Israeli's who are afraid of Hamas which is supported by the Saudi's, causing the U.S. to increase military aid to Israel by 25% or $30 billion over 10 years.

Lt. Col. John Nagl

Tonight, one of the military's staff who helped write the Counterinsurgency Field Manual, Lt. Col. John Nagl. Jon first reports on President Bush, who goes over a list of America's past wars to gain support for the Iraq War in a segment called "War Wars". Bush has also apparently changed his mind and is now comparing Iraq to Vietnam, saying that America's mistake was not starting the Vietnam War, but ending it. Senior Political Correspondent Aasif Mandvi reviews Bush's speech from Crawford TX talking about the potential benefits of prolonging the Vietnam War. For instance, Bush would have prolonged his college career to avoid being sent over to Vietnam and would have become a smarter man. Another added benefit, the splendor that would be the Vietnam Memorial, which could be seen from space as it stretches from D.C. to Times Square with the names of the victims.

Jeff Garlin

Tonight, comedian Jeff Garlin promotes his new movie I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With and the airing of new shows for Curb Your Enthusiasm. Jon begins tonight's show with news that Senator Larry Craig filed court papers to withdraw his guilty plea over the bathroom sex bust. Senior Public Restroom Correspondent Rob Corddry returns to the show after spending a year undercover at the Minneapolis Int'l Airport. Rob discusses the in's and out's of gay bathroom sex etiquette. Jon concludes the segment with a song highlighting the juicy details about the Craig scandal with a hip-hop singer in a segment called "R-Party: Trapped in the Closet". Finally, "Mess O'Potamia" continues with the Petraus report coming out today and Bush's 6 hour trip to Iraq last week. Senior Foreign Policy Analyst Rob Riggle talked about the progress Bush saw with his own eyes during his short trip inside a heavily fortified part of Iraq's Anbar province.

Jodie Foster

Tonight, actress Jodie Foster promotes her new movie, The Brave One. Jon begins tonight's show reporting on the overly hyped Petraeus report on the progress made in Iraq in a segment called "Iraq Me Dave Petraeus". As Jon notes, Petraeus' testimony before the House had some mic problems. Petraeus also gave a disclaimer before officially testifying saying that he wrote the report himself and not the White House. But as Jon shows us in back to back clips, Petraeus and Bush essentially speak the same language. Resident Expert John Hodgman stopped by to talk with Jon about his keys to success and how Bush consistently redefines failure as success.

Robert Draper

Tonight, author of Dead Certain: The Presidency of George W. Bush, Robert Draper. Jon begins tonight's show with some news out of Russia. It seem Vladimir Putin not only dissolved his government by firing his prime minister and his entire cabinet, but also exploded the "father of all bombs", which despite its capability of evaporating all life, is also environmentally friendly. Next, Jon reports on some screaming war protesters at General Petraeus' hearing in a segment called "You're Not Helping". Jon then reports on the Democratic debates on the spanish channel Univision in a segment called "Clusterf@#k a la Casa Blanca". Some of the highlights, candidate Bill Richardson was barred from speaking Spanish so as not to gain an unfair advantage, the major topic for the night was of course immigration, and the Republican version was cancelled because only John McCain signed up. Finally, John Oliver speaks with the Qatari ambassador to the U.N.

Douglas Farah

Tonight, journalist and author of Merchant of Death: Money, Guns, Planes, and the Man Who Makes War Possible, Douglas Farah. Jon begins tonight's show with an update on Senator John McCain's Straight Talk Express bus now changed into the No Surrender bus. Jon called John over the phone to see how the new bus was treating the Senator. Next, Jon talks about Petraeus' Senate testimony and the 7 minutes allowed per Senator to ask their questions in a segment called "Iraq Me: Dave Petraeus". Senator Barbara Boxer spent the entire 7 minutes not asking a single question. Finally, Samantha Bee in a segment called "This Week In God: Back to School Edition". The religious topics this evening: a plan to teach Arabic in a public school in Brooklyn whose principal was eventually fired for a white Jewish lady, footbaths for Muslims in a university unisex bathroom, and a religious university created by the founder of Dominoes pizza.

Alan Greenspan

Tonight, former Federal Reserve Chairman and author of The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World, Alan Greenspan. Jon begins tonight with a look at the burgeoning new O.J. Simpson story and the media's spin on the phrase, "What goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas". Next, Jon tries to sum up Alberto Gonzalez in three words as Alberto enjoyed his last day as Attorney General last Friday in a segment called "That's Al Folks".

Gen. Wesley Clark

Tonight, former Supreme Allied Commander of NATO and author of A Time to Lead: For Duty, Honor and Country, Gen. Wesley Clark.

Bill Clinton

Tonight, former President Bill Clinton promotes his new book, Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World.

John Bowe

Tonight, journalist and author of Nobodies: Modern American Slave Labor and the Dark Side of the New Global Economy, John Bowe.

Evo Morales

Tonight, the current President of Bolivia, Evo Morales.

Jamie Foxx

Tonight, actor and star of the new movie The Kingdom, Jamie Foxx.

Ken Burns

Tonight, documentary filmmaker Ken Burns promotes his new documentary The War, a seven part series on how WWII impacted American family life.

Jack Cafferty

Chris Matthews

Ted Koppel

Jack Goldsmith

Vicente Fox

Tiki Barber

Lynne Cheney

Howard Kurtz

Tony Snow

Meryl Streep

Jake Gyllenhaal

Ben Affleck

Michael Gerson

Valerie Plame Wilson

David Wright

Jerry Seinfeld