Cybill Season 3, Episode 7: Sex, Drugs and Catholicism

1

Bringing Home the Bacon

On the barnyard set of her new show (a parody of Babe), Cybill rescues a pig that was fired and doomed to the frying pan; then tries to keep an independent Zoey from flying the coop after she visits the greener pastures of Paris. Meanwhile, Maryann dresses as Little Bo Peep to entice a sheepish Ira.

30 min

2

Venice or Bust

Zoey moves out; Cybill and Maryann take a sculpting class.

30 min

3

Cybill and Maryann Go to Japan

As the spokeswoman for a Japanese car company, Cybill (along with Maryann) visits Japan, where both are embraced - until they take a stuffy exec's wife out to greet the rising sun. Meanwhile, Ira mediates a dispute between Zoey and Sean

30 min

4

It's For You, Mrs. Lincoln

When Cybill gets a chance to play Abe Lincoln's wife on stage, an unexpected caller interrupts her big moment. Cast as the understudy for Joan Hayden, the lead in What Now, Mrs. Lincoln?, Cybill awaits the day that the star breaks her amazing record of never having missed a performance in her life. Just when Cybill thinks it's hopeless, the star is stricken with an allergic reaction, putting Cybill in the spotlight. Unfortunately, her chance of a lifetime runs amok when the cell phone that she accidentally left in her skirt pocket starts ringing in the middle of the climactic scene. Meantime, Maryann and Ira gang up on a woman in the audience for her rude behavior - oblivious to the fact that she's the powerful agent Cybill has been courting for months.

30 min

5

Cybill, Get Your Gun

After Cybill is robbed, she decides to fight back by taking a course in self defense. Cybill decides to take action with tactics that include an obnoxious house alarm, self-defense courses taught by Vicki Lawrence (guest starring as herself), and her very own ""Safety Man,"" a role she bestows on an unenthusiastic Zoey. Meanwhile, the newly available Ira finds that he has misrepresented himself when he meets a woman at one of Jeff's favorite hangouts - an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting. And, Maryann becomes a suspect in the abrupt disappearance of Dr. Dick

30 min

6

Cybill Does Diary

After discovering Cybill's picture on an X-rated video, Cybill and Maryann decide to produce an erotic video intended for women. But when Cybill borrows Zoey's laptop to write the script and tries to e-mail it to a producer, she accidentally sends Zoey's European diary instead - and the producer loves the story of how Zoey lost her virginity.

30 min

7

Sex, Drugs and Catholicism

Ira is full of sexual energy thanks to the new hormones he's taking - but when he learns they are really placebos, he proposes to Holly. Cybill agrees to be Ira's best man, but when Zoey resists being a bridesmaid, Holly shows her true colours. Meanwhile, Maryann goes to confession.

30 min

8

Going to Hell in a Limo (1)

Cybill becomes a prime-time hit in the new sf series Lifeforms, but when her co-star starts sleeping with the female producer, Cybill's role gets reduced to a few lines per episode. Meanwhile, Ira tries to convince Zoey to throw a bridal shower for Holly.

30 min

9

Going to Hell in a Limo (2)

Cybill retaliates when her obnoxious co-star Jack mysteriously fires his friend, the executive producer, Buddy, and apologizes to Cybill for his rude - and crude - behavior. Smelling a rat, Cybill, Maryann and Cybill's producer friend Amy devise a sting operation to trick Buddy into revealing the truth behind Jack's sudden change of heart. Meanwhile, Zoey is having second thoughts about being maid of honor at the wedding of her father, Ira, and Holly after overhearing Holly remark to a friend that Zoey threw her a tacky wedding shower.

30 min

10

Buffalo Gals

Maryann goes home to Buffalo for an uneasy reunion with her parents , and to attend a 25-year reunion of her high-school classmates - who treated her like dirt. When Maryann can't make her high school reunion, Cybill decides to pose as Maryann and go in her place. Cybill had convinced Maryann to attend her high school reunion and planned to accompany her, but when the pair returns to Maryann's home town of Buffalo, N.Y. to take on the former classmates who made Maryann's life intolerable, Maryann learns that her son - who she believed was traveling with Greenpeace - is actually living with her parents. When Maryann consequently opts to forgo the reunion to spend time with him, Cybill, not one to miss an opportunity, goes to the reunion as Maryann in order to claim sweet revenge on the classmates who made Maryann's high school experience a nightmare. Meantime, Cybill is also spearheading efforts to make Thanksgiving dinner plans.

30 min

11

A Hell of a Christmas

Cybill's overbearing mom comes for a Christmas visit. Cybill welcomes her mom, Virginia, who's in town for the holidays, but tensions arise when ""Me-Maw"" showers Rachel with affection while virtually ignoring Zoey. When Cybill confronts her about the favoritism, she learns that Virginia feels a responsibility to compensate for Cybill's own partiality towards Zoey. Meanwhile, Maryann volunteers to be Cybill's personal holiday shopper while Cybill deals with the fact that her show's time slot has been moved - opposite 60 Minutes, and Ira finds out that Zoey lost her virginity while in Europe.

30 min

12

The Little Drummer Girls

Cybill tries to help Maryann, Rachel and Zoey overcome their romantic troubles by forcing them to take part in a new age drum beating session. Maryann, furious when Dr. Dick doesn't send any hateful gifts to her in honor of what would have been their 23rd anniversary, agrees to let Cybill take her to a new age female bonding session so she can get Dr. Dick out of her system once and for all. Meanwhile, Kevin uses Baby William to diffuse his anger towards Rachel and his job-hunting problems, and Ira finds out that Sean cheated on Zoey.

30 min

13

Bachelor Party

As designated ""best man"" at Ira's wedding, Cybill is in charge of planning the bachelor party. Since Holly objects to hiring a stripper, Cybill decides to have everyone go to the track instead. But when Ira and the director of Cybill's television series show up expecting to see some skin, Cybill reluctantly agrees to have the party at a strip club. She and Maryann go disguised as men, primarily because Cybill doesn't want to jeopardize her newfound celebrity status. Meanwhile, Zoey tries to get used to her new job as production assistant on Cybill's television show, Lifeforms.

30 min

14

Little Bo Peep

Provoked by Cybill's offensive reaction to a lamb attack on live television, animal activists - led by Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop (as themselves) - launch a campaign against Cybill. When Cybill makes an appearance at a local zoo to promote ""Lifeforms,"" she's bitten by a lamb while being interviewed on live television and reacts in politically incorrect fashion. Trying to save her career, Andy convinces her to be a guest speaker at an animal rights banquet. Meanwhile, while Cybill dates a younger man who seems too good to be true, Maryann desperately tries to cope with the fact that her new romantic interest shares something in common with her ex-husband - the same name.

30 min

15

In Her Dreams

Kevin gets a job teaching third grade, while Cybill loses her job and flashes back to how she first met Maryann at an audition for Rocky. Maryann and Cybill argue about Maryann going for a mammogram, while Ira and Cybill are both audited by the IRS.

30 min

16

Valentine's Day

Maryann is acting more bizarre than usual during a Valentine's Day outing with Richard and her visiting son. Meanwhile, Zoey moves in with Ira to spite her mother. Sparks fly between Zoey and Maryann's son, Justin. Maryann arranges a Valentine's Day dinner with her son and her new flame but panics and shows up on Cybill's doorstep with Justin and her beau, looking for moral support - just as Zoey is leaving to meet Ira. When Zoey and Justin see each other again - after years apart - they begin spending time together, and, although Maryann loves Zoey like a daughter, she fears that Zoey may break her son's heart. Meanwhile, Cybill spends Valentine's Day with the special guy in her life - her grandson, William.

30 min

17

Kiss Me, You Fool

Cybill and Jeff co-star in a new action film. Just as Cybill is complaining to her photographer friend, Davolio that her career is going nowhere, Jeff pulls some strings to get her the co-starring role in his new action film. Cybill must then return the favor when she learns that Jeff's future as the next action hero is on the line because he's unable to keep a straight face during intimate scenes. Now that Jeff's making more money than he knows what to do with, he gives Rachel and Kevin a down payment for a new house.

30 min

18

True Confessions

Cybill stalks Maryann in order to research a new role and discovers a jaw-dropping secret. When Cybill decides to base her character in Ira's new play on Maryann, she immediately begins to shadow Maryann's every move. But, when Maryann tells Cybill that she's not welcome to accompany her one afternoon, Cybill secretly follows her anyway. When she spies Maryann suspiciously meeting a man at his apartment, Cybill assumes that her friend is having an affair, only to discover that Maryann has been posing as a nude model.

30 min

19

Name That Tune

Cybill joins Ira at an open-mike night for his debut as a stand-up comic, which gets off to a rocky start when he faints from stage fright. Cybill's performance, however, results in an offer to sing in a new Name That Tune. Meanwhile, Maryann displays unusual behavior, but if she seems preoccupied (to the point of wearing the same outfit two days running), it's because she thinks she may be pregnant.

30 min

20

From Boca, With Love

No synopsis available.

30 min

21

All of Me

Cybill puts her foot down when she's chosen as a model for a shoe campaign only to see a billboard with her face - on a younger, thinner woman's ""waif"" body. Cybill decides to defend women of all shapes and sizes by defacing a billboard that depicts her face with someone else's waif-like figure. Meanwhile, Maryann freaks when she discovers that her son, Justin, is two-timing Zoey, and Ira decides to give up caffeine, which creates some abnormal side effects.

30 min

22

The Wedding

Learning that her film's a flop, Cybill has nothing to throw in the faces of her friends when she attends a neighbor's wedding. But that's not the case for Zoey, who accidentally decks the bride while dancing.

30 min

23

The Piano

Cybill needs a favor from Dr. Dick's wife, Andrea (guest star Morgan Fairchild, reprising the role), so in return, she grudgingly agrees to give a speech at an awards banquet honoring Andrea. When Cybill discovers that Andrea can get Zoey a piano audition that's otherwise unobtainable, she agrees to give the testimonial speech for the charity award, which deservedly belongs to Maryann. But when Cybill finds out that Zoey got the audition on her own, she decides to tell the awards committee what she really thinks of Andrea.

30 min

24

There Was an Old Woman...

When a TV director takes his cat to see Maryann's Richard, Cybill drops by - dressed as an old woman - and becomes privy to Richard's intentions regarding Maryann.

30 min

25

Mother's Day

Cybill doesn't realize that her mom, who's visiting for Mother's Day, is within earshot when she says she's worked her entire life trying not to become her mother.

30 min

26

Let's Stalk

With Cybill as the organizer, Maryann's bachelorette party turns out to be one last evening stalking Dr. Dick. Realizing their stalking days are almost behind them, Cybill and Maryann agree that one last act of torment is in order. Zoey and Rachel join the duo in a rented van, equipped with the latest in surveillance technology, staking out Dr. Dick's house. Their mission: to inject Dr. Dick's water supply with a barrel of liposuctioned fat stolen from his office. But mid-execution, Cybill and Maryann overhear ""Mrs. Dr. Dick"" Andrea tell Dr. Dick that she's leaving him, causing Maryann to rethink her own marriage plans.

30 min