Dear Julian Season 1, Episode 7: We'll Take Care of It... For $500

1

Government Dicks and Retirement Scrilla

Got a fucking problem? Tell Dear Julian! In Episode 1 he gives advice on government fines, investing for a brighter retirement, and what's more important – your buddies or your wife.

3 min

2

Banging and Pokey

Accidentally made your best friend's sister pregnant and don't know what the fuck to do? Tell Dear Julian...

5 min

3

Potatoes in a Bucket

Julian has advice for a lonely Swedish stoner, a wannabe muscleman, and a realtor trying to make it in the trailer park world!

5 min

4

Playing the Stripper Game

Julian gives advice on how to get banged, how not to get banged, and how to deal with someone you don't want to bang!

5 min

5

Avoiding the Slippery Slope of Shit

Can't get motivated to work out? Solve your problem with one very fucking weird trick! Julian also gives advice on controlling your dope habit, and why you should keep your lust in check on a first date.

5 min

6

Piss in the Milk

Julian gives advice on how not to lose half your shit in marriage, handling a butter fucker-upper, and how his "Drunk as Fuck" technique can boost your self-esteem!

4 min

7

We'll Take Care of It... For $500

Wanna know how to stay frisky, make pesky pets "disappear", and whether you should bang married dudes? Julian has the answer!

6 min

8

Awesome Greasy

Is stripping a good career move? How can liquor get you to third base? How do you deal with a "Jacob"? Julian knows.

5 min

9

Cash Will Make You Happy

Julian gives some good fuckin' advice on keeping warm in Canada, how a gamer can get his dick sucked, and why an ex-cop should get greasy!

7 min

10

Stop Your Fucking Whining

Julian tackles shitty kitties, asshole bosses, quitting the smokes... and some really fucking STUPID questions!

7 min

11

Pace Yourself, Bud

Has The Liquor become a way of life? Wanna quit drinking? Fuck that – Julian gives advice on the best ways to get shitfaced!

8 min

12

Go with the Hash

Julian gives advice on moving to Canada without a plan, dealing with fucked zombie-fearing neighbours, how to cope in jail, and retiring in your twenties!

7 min

13

How Not to Be a Fucking Loser

Julian gives advice on overcoming writer's block, starting up a greasy bootlegging business, and how to get out and have fun when you can't be fucking bothered!

6 min

14

When Life Gives You a Kick to the Cock

Should I sell Grandma's engagement ring to buy honey oil? How can I discipline my fucked-up son? Should I invest my scrilla in China? Julian tackles these questions, and more!

6 min

15

Fuck the Government

Should I grow dope in my shed? How am I gonna cope in jail? Should I confront my shady neighbours? Julian has the answers!

8 min

16

Bang Away

Should I bang younger dudes? How do I deal with a douche moocher of a neighbour? Should I smoke hash, weed or honey oil? Julian gives out some more awesome advice!

8 min

17

Dick Genes

Julian blasts through this week's pile of problems, including shitty tenants, shitty landlords, shitty neighbours, and shitty business ideas!

8 min

18

Toughen the Fuck Up

Julian gives advice on whether to blackmail a greasy neighbour cheating on his wife, and what to do if you don't like to party but wanna make friends!

8 min

19

Get the Fuck Outta Bed

To drink or not to drink? That is the fucking question! Also: I can't decide between a good job and smoking weed! I have ADD and can't get out of bed! I keep crying in the shower!

7 min

20

Fill Up That Gut

How to deal with asshole brothers-in-law, dog thieves, greasy bosses and bad hangovers, and how not to get a job at SwearNet!

7 min

21

Get Banged, Get Drunk, Get High

Julian is back with advice on choosing a career path, dealing with ‘the one that got away,’ how to handle fucking assholes, and the best way to become a professional wrestler.

11 min

22

Move to Sunnyvale

It seems a lot of problems could be solved by doing a bit less bitching and a bit more banging. Julian has advice for the recently divorced, the infertile, and the cowardly. Plus: how Americans should deal with their fucked election.

8 min

23

Advice from Two Hungover Dicks

Ricky joins Dear Julian as the Boys answer viewer questions and do their best to shake off a MEAN fucking hangover. Get advice on salvia, dealing with dicks, and what to do if you ever meet Lahey and Randy.

16 min

24

How to Not Piss Yourself

The rum is poured and Julian is answering your questions. He has advice on getting money that you are owed from your boss, what to do about shitty ex’s and shitty cousins, and most importantly - how to not piss yourself.

5 min

25

Finding the Proper Liquor Level

Having a hard time being a businessman because you love your day-drinking too much? Have no tolerance for bullshit? Not sure how to ask out women? This episode of Dear Julian is for you!

6 min

26

Banging Away a Broken Heart

Julian is drinkin’ and answerin’ again. The Dirty Dancer gives advice on hunting while drinking, dealing with a friend who turns into a dickhead with booze, and how to get over a breakup.

6 min

27

Merry Fucking Christmas

The holiday season stresses everyone the fuck out. Luckily, Julian has a drink and some good advice. Learn how to handle shitty malls, what to do if your family is leaving you for the holidays, and whether you should buy booze or Trailer Park Boys merchandise.

7 min

28

Fuck It, It's Christmas

Julian is back with part two of his Dear Julian holiday questions, and he has advice on dealing with drunken uncles, drunk ass fathers, and drunk teenagers. Plus: is it a good idea to steal Christmas trees?

6 min