Quintuplets Season 1, Episode 5: (Disdainfully) The Helbergs

1

Pilot

When Bob takes Carol to see Bruce Springsteen in concert, the kids throw a party to boost their images at school. At the party, Parker worries that his less popular siblings will embarrass him in front of a hot girl. Patton's attempt to woo a girl ends in disaster, while Penny meets her soul mate.

2

Quintagious

When Penny falls ill with the flu, the others force her to the basement to save themselves. It doesn't work though, and one by one they all fall ill, messing up all of their plans. Bob and Pearce are the last two standing and take some time to bond. Penny and Paige also bond over an unlikely activity. Pearce makes a fashion statement, and creates a new language- "mathlish".

3

Little Man on Campus

When Patton fails to make the basketball team at school, he joins the cheerleading squad to score, with cheerleader Haley in particular. Patton runs into difficulty following through with the cheer routines however, when he gets overly aroused in public. After Paige fails to make the cheerleading squad, Penny gives her a lesson in thickening her skin. Bob is obsessed about wanting Parker and Patton to win scholarships.

4

Lord of the Cell

Bob wins a cell phone, and then, realizing how much the kids want the phone, creates a little competition for all of them. Whoever does the most chores, wins the phone. Unfortunately, the plan backfires, when the Quints join together, and go on a strike.

5

(Disdainfully) The Helbergs

The Chases compete to be the stars of a commercial for a minivan, which they will get to keep if they win. They are up against the Helbergs, their ultimate quint family rivals.

6

Get a Job

The Quints get jobs! Paige and Patton wind up selling shoes, but their different ways of working retail conflict. Pearce gets a job at the pet store, but he buys most of the pets himself. Parker works the food court, but ends up hating the job, when he gets a monstrous zit on his nose. Meanwhile, Bob recklessly spends the money that him and Carol were supposed to use for a gift for both of them.

7

Swing, Swing, Swing

When Pearce takes Penny's date away she's horrfied and mad. Paige decides she wants to be homecoming queen but Bob's lack of money and support ends up making her look like a freak. Meanwhile Patton can't get a date so he lies to a porn star to get her to be his date. And Parker is bullied into taking the toughest girl in school while he still has a date with a girl he likes.

8

Shakespeare in Lust

When Penny is chosen to direct ""Romeo and Juliet"" in the school play, all the quints sign on to help out. Patton lands the role of Romeo and has to kiss Parker's girlfriend, Paige becomes the prop master, and Pearce hijacks Penny's play. Meanwhile, Bob and Carol wangle an invitation to dinner at their neighbors' house.

9

The Sixth Quint

The beautiful Alayna Collins has just gotten back from a five-year long trip to Africa, a fantastic surprise for the quints. Paige throws a slumber party to introduce Alayna to the jungle of High School, while Bob and Carol spend a wild night at the Nutley Motor Inn. On the boy's side of the house, Patton spies on the slumber then gets in an interesting predicament. Then, Parker wants Pearce's help in becoming more than friends with Alayna. Pearce talks to Alayna but, a huge misunderstanding may make Pearce question his loyalty to his brother.

10

Love, Lies and Lullabies

The science projects are here! Pearce and Parker use the project as a last-ditch effort to find out who Alayna likes better. Elsewhere, Patton finally gets a girl, the hottest girl in school. Unfortunately, when Patton learns of her fetish he gets too disturbed to even kiss her. Meanwhile, Carol, feeling that she hasn't done anything really charitable, decides to help the elderly but, her charity marks the end of the road for some.

11

Quint Con

The Chase Family attend the multiples convention. Patton pretends to be a twin to get under a girl's shirt...again. Penny and Paige woo two identical twins. Also, the parents take another Quintuplet family as their proteges.

12

Battle of the Bands

It's the school's Battle of the Bands! Paige asks Patton to help the other ladies in her dance routine but, as it turns out, Paige is the one who needs help. Bob, feeling left out after missing his Battle of the Bands due to having premarital sex, worms his way into Parker's band. Parker gets royally pissed and walks out. Meanwhile, Pearce uses an unusual instrument for his one-man band.

13

Working It

Bob has to close a deal with a big executive wishing to buy. Bob, trying to be as likable to the man as possible, tries to pass off Patton as a ten-year old since, the buyer has a ten-year old. Patton realizes that the undercover job might not be that bad when he gets a peak at the kid's babysitter. Parker and Pearce once again fight about Alayna, while Penny tries to sabotage Paige's tips.

14

Boobs On The Run

When the boys decide that they're going to a frat party, the meet an idiot known as Luskin. After infiltrating Luskin's life by joining him on an ice run, Luskin quickly takes the trip to new heights, much to Parker's dismay. Meanwhile, Carol has put-up with the girls' lies and decides she wants to hear every lie they've ever told her.

15

Teacher's Pet

Patton wants the attention of Ms. Foley, his English teacher, so, he pretends to be bad at English even though, it's his best subject. Unfortunately, Parker's basketball coach also wants the attention of Ms. Foley. When Patton gets in the way of Coach's attempts to woo Foley, he takes it out on the basketball team. The teacher fiascoes' continue when Paige converts Penny's favorite teacher from dull to ditz. Meanwhile, Pearce helps Bob write Pearce's English essay.

16

Thanksgiving Day Charade

It's Thanksgiving and Bob Chase's womanizing brother and Carol's overachieving sister come to visit. Siblings clash when Carol competes with her sister. While Bob's Brother tries to seal a deal with Amanda Beard, a woman inadvertently swallows Bob's wedding ring. At that same moment, Patton tries to woo a French girl and Penny tries to cook the turkey but, Pearce's animal-rights mumbo-jumbo gets in the way.

17

Date Night

When Bob and Carol crash Parker's date, Carol becomes best friends with Parker's girlfriend, which makes Parker very uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Penny convinces Paige that she's dating a guy because of his money and Patton and Pearce double-date with a girl and her dog.

18

Bob and Carol Save Christmas

Christmas is disrupted in the Chase household when the quints decide they want to break with tradition and get real Christmas gifts - not pictures of what they would like to get. Carol and Bob head to Atlantic City, hoping to win big so that they can return home with lots of presents. Meanwhile, Patton and Parker, both cast in a live nativity scene, vie for Mary's affections. (thefutoncritic)

19

Where Are They Now?

Chaos ensues when a camera crew invades the Chase household for a television special and on-air anchor Heather Daniels (Jillian Barberie) must find out how and if the Chases have changed since her last visit. Meanwhile, Pearce decides to finally tell Alayna how he feels about her.

20

Shall We Fight

When Matt offers to give Carol and Bob dance lessons, Carol is overjoyed but Bob doesn't seem quite as joyful. But as always Carol convinces Bob....Or threatens him. Meanwhile Patton has a date with Julie and Penny has her own date but when they find run into each other Penny and Patton's dates suggest they double date...Which turns out to become more of a miserable time for Patton and Penny and a ""flirtatous"" time for their dates. Pearce is outraged when he finds out that Alayna has agreed to going for a mani-pedi with Paige instead of going out with him. He finds it hard to cope without Alayna and begins to stalk her. Meanwhile Bob and Carol are taking their dance lesson when Carol hurts her ankle. After Bob is forced to take the dance lessons alone, Matt tells him that Bob isn't excatly ""a pleasure to teach"". Bob then gets a new instructor, a female one, named Sophia. When Bob tries to go to his next dance lesson, Carol quickly figures out that he now has a female instructor and acc

21

Chutes and Letters

Carol's mean great aunt Sylvia visits and dies falling down a garbage chute, and she soon worries that Bob has replaced her Aunt in unpopularity with the quints. Meanwhile, Parker and Patton persuade Pearce to take his relationship with Alayna to the next level,While Patton meets the love of his life when he decides to scam the nerds at school but he ends up getting scammed himself.

22

The Coconut Kapow

Patton joins the wrestling team and is happy to have found a hobby that does not involve girls, until he has to wrestle one. Paige decides to finally clean out her closet while Penny and Parker take the car out for a little joyride.