Barney Miller Season 6, Episode 15: The Child Stealers

1

Inquisition

When an anonymous letter identifies a member of the 12th Precinct as a homosexual, it buys the boys a visit from Lieutenant Scanlon, who proceeds to make a witch hunt out of his search for the author. Meanwhile, a disgruntled shopper takes a fire axe to an elevator's MUZAK machine.

2

The Photographer

A tranquil prisoner claims to be Jesus Christ, which is timely for the drug dealer caught with an impressive stash; an elderly mugger poses as a photographer to ensnare lonely women.

3

Vacation

A string of false alarms suggests that a sniper may be after a cop, but the detectives are preoccupied with Barney's posted vacation schedules and the case of a man who won't donate a kidney to his ailing brother.

4

The Brother

A visiting monk opts for a quick dalliance with a lady of the streets; Barney discovers to his horror that Dietrich may not be cut out for mugging detail—especially since it must be done in drag.

5

The Slave

Harris bristles when he learns that the Burmese chauffeur being booked for a traffic accident is actually an indentured servant.

6

Strip Joint

A bookstore owner is infuriated when a strip club opens near his place of business; and man is convinced that he is on the verge of spontaneous combustion.

7

The Bird

Harris' book publication hits a snag when Dietrich refuses to sign a release; a suicide hot line operator becomes suicidal; the clerk that sold Wojo a sick bird changes his strict no-return policy when he learns that the detective is a cop.

8

The Desk

A former master criminal becomes a walking zombie following his lobotomy; a man is unable to use the telephone after being mugged because he's Amish. Jeff Corey, who appeared previously as ""The Prisoner,"" was a renowned acting teacher.

9

The Judge

A judge provides an attorney with the ultimate over-ruling—a gavel on the noggin; the crimes reported by a lonely woman emanate from daytime television soap operas.

10

The DNA Story

The detectives search for a missing viral strain stolen from a lab; a woman is convinced that her husband is actually a clone.

11

The Dentist

One man's hands are a musical instrument to himself and a nuisance to others; a detective goes undercover to trap a dentist with wandering instruments.

12

People's Court

Weary of an uncooperative populace, a census taker goes to drastic measures to make a head count; beleaguered apartment dwellers band together and capture a burglar.

13

Vanished (1)

Vagrant Ray returns to report his fellow bums' disappearances; a woman wishes to have a child with a surrogate and is focusing in on Dietrich and Wojo.

14

Vanished (2)

Harris disappears while undercover as a vagrant; Luger elects to be demoted rather than to retire.

15

The Child Stealers

A self-proclaimed time traveler tells Harris to fine tune his stock portfolio; Marty's divrorced gentleman friend Mr. Driscoll attempts to reclaim his son by abducting him from the playground.

16

Guns

Wojo fears that a despondent Luger is planning to do himself in; a man seeking to reclaim his television set robs the police vault; a rash of bizarre robberies leads to an eccentric gun collector.

17

Uniform Days

The cops observe the annual department-mandated ritual of wearing their uniforms - except for Harris who shows up in his usual natty street clothes.

18

Dietrich's Arrest (1)

A lottery winner dispenses of the prize money by tossing it out a window; Sgt. Dietrich is arrested for his off-duty participation at an anti-nuclear rally; Barney discovers he can't afford his condo-converted apartment.

19

Dietrich's Arrest (2)

Harris gets the unenviable task of booking his colleague Dietrich, whose arrest prompts a visit from Internal Affairs; meanwhile, a nuclear engineer is brought in for dousing the participants with atomic water.

20

The Architect

A disgruntled architect decides to improve on his building—by blowing it up.

21

The Inventor

The squad tries hypnosis to uncover the name of a felon that Wojo has forgotten; an inventor steals the plans for his own creation.

22

Fog

Barney is down in the dumps when he is passed over again for deputy inspector