Dharma & Greg Season 5, Episode 9: Wish We Weren't Here

1

Intensive Caring

The fifth season begins in the aftermath of last May's car crash, with both sets of parents arriving at the hospital and Dharma just out of surgery and groggy from anesthesia. The car accident has left Dharma with a fractured hip and temporarily confined to a wheelchair. Greg, who fared better with just a few minor cuts, mostly feels guilt, and tries to maintain a ""structured"" approach to Dharma's recovery which, unfortunately for her, doesn't allow for skipping physical therapy appointments in favor of wheelchair-tongue-depressor relay races down the hospital halls. For her part, Abby believes that crystals and chants around her daughter's bed might help. Larry calls it a ""healing ceremony""; Greg calls it ""voodoo.""

30 min

2

With a Little Help From My Friend

Dharma decides that her accident must be a manifestation of the universe shuffling her cosmic deck of cards so that she can help people—from the hospital, physical therapy, insurance company, etc.—whom she otherwise wouldn't have met. Yet while Dharma loves giving help to others, she's not nearly as fond of accepting it for herself, even when she's in a wheelchair. Meanwhile, Greg deals with an insurance problem—the company has paid them twice by mistake, but won't listen to his attempts to explain.

30 min

3

Papa Was Almost a Rolling Stone

Dharma learns that her dad, Larry, used to sing and play guitar in a band but gave it all up when she was born. Feeling guilty, she tries to convince him to perform again. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby set up some old pirate radio broadcasting equipment in Dharma's living room to give her something to do while she's recuperating. Initially, Greg scoffs at ""Radio Dharma,"" but one on-air debate with a caller later and he's hooked. Meanwhile, Edward's old running suit hits a sour note with Kitty when it is discovered ""lost"" in a box of Greg's old possessions, and Edward refuses to stop wearing it.

30 min

4

Sexual Healing

At the same time that Dharma's doctor gives her permission to resume sexual relations, Greg sees their totaled car for the first time since the accident and learns that the insurance adjuster ruled it a case of reckless driving. Now completely guilt-ridden and overly cautious, Greg's unable to enjoy Dharma's romantic advances. Meanwhile, Edward wants Larry to return the rundown desk chair of his that Kitty attempted to throw out. While at first annoyed by Larry's insistence that they play games for the ownership of the chair, Edward grows to enjoy Larry's company.

30 min

5

Without Reservations

Greg doesn't put out a welcome mat when Dharma turns their place into a temporary bed-and-breakfast.

30 min

6

Try to Remember This Kind of September

Dharma finds herself inadvertently trying to compete with a visiting childhood friend. Dharma and September grew up together in a commune, and September has remained loyal to her nonconformist ways, such as preparing a salad with greens that ""were growing in the cracks in the sidewalk"" and singing songs taught her by Nelson Mandela. Feeling guilty over how much her own life has changed, Dharma decides to get back to basics. First, she simplifies her wardrobe; then she wonders what else she and Greg can do without—like maybe electricity, or at least Greg's beloved television (just before the Superbowl). But what worries her most is a suspicion that September may have designs on Larry. And she's right—but they're not what she fears.

30 min

7

Used Karma

When Greg starts to dress and act strangely after driving the used car Dharma recently bought, she worries he's been possessed by the spirit of the car's previous owner, a petty criminal and gambler who met an untimely death. Meanwhile, Edward has Larry set up a security camera at his house to help catch the kid who eggs his house every Halloween, but the ""trick"" is still on him.

30 min

8

Home is Where the Art Is

Jenna Elfman's real-life husband Bodhi Elfman guest stars as an old performance artist friend of Dharma's who convinces her to co-star with him in his latest work: To live ""on display"" in an art gallery 24 hours a day for a week. Needless to say, Greg's not thrilled with her decision, and father-in-law Larry's moving in with him doesn't help matters.

30 min

9

Wish We Weren't Here

Bad weather grounds Dharma and Greg's flight in Indiana.

30 min

10

Dream A Little Dream of Her

Dharma tries to learn the identity of Greg's fantasy girl; Greg's truthfulness upsets things at his parents' place.

30 min

11

A Fish Tale

Animal-rights activist Abby bans Greg from the Finkelstein home when she learns he and Edward are going fishing.

30 min

12

Previously on Dharma & Greg

Greg proposing to another woman? Dharma bringing another man home to meet the folks? This landmark flashback episode takes place six months prior to the series pilot and shows Dharma and Greg's lives before they met and married on their first date. Share in Kitty's chagrin as Greg breaks up with his debutante fiancée, and join Larry as he watches Dharma leave a great guy who ""refuses to get a job.""

30 min

13

Protecting the Ego-System

Kitty brings Dharma to the ground-breaking ceremony of her arch-nemesis Teensy Manhart's new outdoor amphitheater. But Dharma takes a flying leap into the path of the spade in protest when she realizes the theater's intended site is a precious wetland. Abby, Larry and Ed Begley, Jr., a well-known environmental activist, join in her protest.

30 min

14

Near-Death of a Salesman

A heart attack scare during Larry's business pitch for his chili causes Edward to reminisce about a simpler time in his life, when he wasn't a high-pressured ""captain of industry"" merely acquiring and merging other companies. Trying to persuade him to adopt an an easier life, Dharma is taken aback when Edward seizes command of a mall sports shoe outlet owned by his company and happily settles in as a crackerjack shoe salesman—until Kitty finds out. Meanwhile, picking up papers that need Edward's signature, Greg gets a taste of what life would be like as his father's business successor; and realizes (as Kitty angrily tells Dharma) that the real reason Edward hasn't retired is because he is waiting for Greg to take his place. Dharma sympathizes with Greg about abandoning the practice he has built up over the past year—but since this seems to consist of crabby Marlene mismanaging the office and Pete ""teaching"" three gorgeous young women a ""course"" in sexual harassment, perhaps the transit

30 min

15

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's ... My Wife

Dharma is the inspiration for her nerdy neighbor/admirer's new comic book heroine, the Blonde Tornado, a sexy, crime-fighting superwoman. While Dharma enjoys her newfound stardom, Greg's life whirls out of control after a newspaper photo of a burglary hails her as a real life hero and him as her cowardly sidekick.

30 min

16

I Think, Therefore I Am in Trouble

Supermodel Claudia Schiffer guest stars as Gretchen, a drop-dead gorgeous new lawyer in Greg's office about whom he's having sexual fantasies. Guilt-ridden over his inappropriate thoughts—especially since it's his ""four-and-a-half-year anniversary"" with Dharma—Greg tries desperately to get Gretchen off his mind, to no avail.

30 min

17

She's with the Band

After suddenly joining a rock band that includes the rebellious teenage daughter of one of Greg's clients, Dharma invites the musicians to live with her and Greg.

30 min

18

Mission: Implausible

A visit from Kirk, a younger alumnus from Greg's law school, launches an unsuspecting Greg into the middle of a crazy college game with very specific rules developed by ""seriously drunk"" undergraduates. Despite Greg's reluctance to engage in a college prank at this stage in his life, Dharma leaves him no choice when she rallies the gang to help him win back his championship title in a relatively amusing parody of Mission: Impossible. Meanwhile, security guard Larry is disturbed when his supervisor Walter points out that he gets special treatment because his daughter is married to the boss's son. When Larry demands Edward rescind all special treatment, Walter obligingly fires Larry.

30 min

19

This Diamond Ring

When Dharma discovers that her drivers license has expired, Greg demands that she be a little more responsible—which is when Dharma discovers she has lost the priceless family heirloom diamong ring Kitty gave her. She discovers it on the roof, coated with tar; and when she takes it to a jeweler for cleaning, she learns it is, in fact, just a really good fake, leading to a confrontation with Kitty. Meanwhile, Pete turns to Dharma for help in getting Gretchen to go out with him. Her simple, sound advice works... Soon Gretchen is head-over-heels for Pete—and he can't stand it. Also, we see Marlene as a judgmental book clerk, and learn that Greg has finally fired her.

30 min

20

The Tooth Is Out There

Dharma encourages Larry to ask his brother George for a loan to buy Larry's favourite conspiracy bookshop; when strange things start to go wrong, Dharma suspects that George is plotting to undermine Larry's success. Her efforts to uncover the plot mean she must undergo multiple dental procedures at George's office, but seem to be justified when the store mysteriously burns down just before the grand re-opening. Meanwhile, Kitty tries to revitalize her love life by making Edward jealous—claiming that her car attendant keeps leaving red roses on the seat for her.

30 min

21

The Parent Trap

While Kitty prepares to renew her marriage vows, Dharma entertains Marlene's parents.

30 min

22

Tuesday's Child

A little girl forms an attachment to Dharma and Greg; Kitty is ordered to perform community service.

30 min

23

The Mamas and the Papas (a.k.a. Finale) (1)

In the first part of this special one-hour season and series finale, Dharma and Greg find themselves once again trying to make peace between their polar opposite parents when an argument breaks out over whether the couple will vacation with the Finkelsteins or the Montgomerys. Dharma tries to appease both sides by arranging for everyone to spend the weekend at the Montgomerys' mountain chalet, but when the usual bickering and insults kick into high gear, it finally sends Dharma and Greg over the edge. Meanwhile, back at the office, Pete is left in charge of a routine SEC inspection, but when the agent turns out to be beautiful and female, he invents wild stories about inside trading... oh, just fast forward. (Part 1 of 2)

30 min

24

The Mamas and the Papas (a.k.a. Finale) (2)

Dharma & Greg get stuck in a snowstorm after leaving the chalet and begin to wonder how their diverse upbringings will affect them as parents. (Part 2 of 2)

30 min