The Muppet Show Season 1, Episode 14: Phyllis Diller

1

Joel Grey

Fozzie works on a new act -- jokes on any subject -- and drives everyone crazy. Finally, he gets on stage and asks for any word. Statler and Waldorf call his bluff by yelling out: "Amoeba!"

26 min

2

Rita Moreno

Fozzie Bear becomes embroiled in a running gag involving the backstage phone. Throughout the episode, Rita parodies her combative image. She battles with several Muppets, including Miss Piggy, a Full-Bodied Muppet, and Animal, who's backing her on drums in her closing number, "Fever."

26 min

3

Sandy Duncan

Fozzie performs Gags Beasley's famous "banana sketch," which everyone has heard of except Kermit. When Kermit asks Sandy and Fozzie to tell him what it is, they laugh too hard to explain it.

26 min

4

Jim Nabors

A young kid named Scooter applies for a job as a go-fer. When Kermit remarks that he doesn't even look like a gopher, Scooter explains that he'll go-fer coffee, he'll go-fer sandwiches, he'll go-fer anything. Kermit says he doesn't have the money to hire him, until Scooter mentions that his uncle owns the theater.

26 min

5

Ruth Buzzi

Scooter's uncle sends a mechanical, wind-up TV show host, an exact duplicate of Kermit. The robot harasses Kermit and flirts with Miss Piggy.

26 min

6

Paul Williams

Scooter talks Fozzie into doing "the telephone pole bit," and Fozzie practices dutifully until he finds out what the bit is: Fozzie dresses up as a public telephone, and Scooter asks what his name is. "Mike Oznowiczki," Fozzie says, and Scooter exclaims, "Oh, so you're the telephone Pole!"

26 min

7

Florence Henderson

The Muppet Theatre is plagued by a variety of pig-related problems, both onstage and off. First, The Bouncing Borsalino Brothers flub their act and crash through the stage floor. Backstage, Miss Piggy throws herself at an uninterested Kermit and then jealously interrupts his onstage Talk Spot, physically threatening guest star Florence Henderson, whom she thinks is horning in on her frog. The feud continues in the Panel Discussion as Florence throws pig slurs around.

26 min

8

Peter Ustinov

Kermit becomes jealous when Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Hilda and Scooter rave about Peter Ustinov. At the end, Peter admits that he's jealous of Kermit; he's always wanted to be a frog.

26 min

9

Lena Horne

Kermit cuts Miss Piggy's scheduled song so she won't look foolish following Lena Horne. He tells her that "there are singers and there are singers," making her think that he doesn't want her to show up Lena.

26 min

10

Harvey Korman

Embarrassed about being the "token person" on the show, Harvey is dressed up as a giant chicken.

26 min

11

Candice Bergen

Fozzie brings a series of deliveries to Kermit, pestering the frog with lousy gags.

26 min

12

Ben Vereen

Fozzie gets stuck in a magician's trick cabinet. The cabinet is dragged onstage so that he can perform his act -- and at the end of the act, two pig stagehands tip the box over so he can take a bow. Crazy Harry, who makes frequent appearances (and frequent explosions) during the show, blows up the cage before the end of the show so that Fozzie can escape.

26 min

13

Charles Aznavour

When he's unable to get a spot on the show, Gonzo asks Scooter to be his manager. Scooter advises Gonzo to do a rock act, banging on a large rock with a mallet. Later, Gonzo tries his hand at female impersonation, wearing a dress and a blonde wig. Scooter gives up managing when Gonzo eats his contract.

26 min

14

Phyllis Diller

Aging wardrobe woman Hilda puts on a wig and makeup to try to make herself look younger. She is spotlighted in a backstage plot for the first and last time.

26 min

15

Avery Schreiber

To make Kermit jealous, Miss Piggy instructs Scooter to tell him that Avery is in love with her. Kermit finds out that it's all a trick, and Piggy karate-chops everybody.

26 min

16

Twiggy

Kermit is skeptical when everyone backstage is terrorized by "the Phantom of the Muppet Show." There turns out to be one, though -- Uncle Deadly, a monster-actor who performed in the theater years ago. After being panned by the critics, he vowed never to perform there again, and not to let anyone else perform either. He warns the Muppets, "Leave or be doomed!"

26 min

17

Valerie Harper

This is one of only a few Muppet Show episodes that open the show after the theme song with some kind of offstage scene. There's also a couple of scenes with the guest star in her dressing room conversing with Muppets instead of onstage in the Talk Spot. In last week's "At The Dance", Boppity danced in drag with another monster. This week Boppity appears as normal but his partner is in drag. In both instances, he ends up headless.

26 min

18

Mummenschanz

Miss Piggy is repulsed when Gonzo tells her that he loves her. Kermit tries to help by asking Piggy if she would like to go to dinner -- and when she accepts, he fixes her up with Gonzo. Everybody gets karate-chopped.

26 min

19

Juliet Prowse

Muppy, the favorite pet of The Muppet Theatre owner J. P. Grosse, becomes a prima donna when Kermit reluctantly allows him to do a musical number with Scooter. Muppy even gets his own dressing room and star billing, but Kermit draws the line when the dog asks to change the show's title to The Muppy Show. When Muppy locks himself in his dressing room and refuses to perform, Scooter does the number with Fozzie instead.

26 min

20

Kaye Ballard

Tired of the "embarrassingly square" theme song, bass player Floyd Pepper informs Kermit that he and the rest of the orchestra pit (except Rowlf) are quitting. Kermit says their conductor Nigel will write a new theme, but Floyd refuses: "He wrote the first one, man." Floyd performs his idea for a new theme, a dreadful Zappa-esque piece called "Fugue for Frog." Kermit won't use it and refuses that Floyd submits to Kaye Ballard a petition about the theme song, so the band leaves. The closing theme is performed solo by Rowlf on the piano.

26 min

21

Bruce Forsyth

Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. Fozzie throws some nasty jokes and, for the first (and last) time, leaves the two old codgers speechless. Then Fozzie and Bruce end up performing together, and sing "Side by Side." A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits.

26 min

22

Ethel Merman

Fozzie's agent, Irving Bizarre, negotiates Fozzie's contract with Kermit. Kermit ends up offering Fozzie ten times as much money; unfortunately, Fozzie made nothing before. "Yeah, and don't forget," Irving says, "I get ten percent of that."

26 min

23

Connie Stevens

When Fozzie overhears Hilda, Kermit, and Scooter talking about getting rid of "that bear," he thinks they're talking about him, only to find out later it's actually Gonzo's teddy bear that everyone is badmouthing.

26 min

24

Vincent Price

In honor of guest star Vincent Price, the show is filled with monsters, ghosts, bats, vampires and spooky situations. A three-headed monster auditions for the show: "We sing!" "No, we dance!" "No, we tell jokes!"

26 min