Late Show with David Letterman Season 13, Episode 131: Piedmont Bird Callers, Michael Douglas, Emmylou Harris, Mark Knopfler

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Jon Stewart and singer David Gray are tonight's guests.

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The Rock and 13-year-old piano prodigy Kit Armstrong appear on tonights show.

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Houston Astros pitcher (and 2006 NLCS MVP) Roy Oswalt presents the Top Ten; with a little help from Dave, Madonna rides a horse for the first time since a much-publicized incident two months earlier; Melissa Etheridge performs "I Run For Life."

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Gavin MacLeod (in full Captain Steubing regalia) makes a few football prognostications; Al Franken promotes his new book; Al Green performs "Everything's Okay."

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Uma Thurman and Rachel Ray appear on tonights show.

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Jennifer Aniston, 50 Cent

Matthew Broderick, Teri Garr

Kelly Ripa, Hilary Duff

Steve Martin, the Teutul family from "American Chopper"

During "Audience Show & Tell," Dave meets a couple of film extras; Michael Sessions (the 18-year-old mayor of Hillside, Michigan) presents the Top Ten; Steve Martin sings with a choir and rides a motorcycle built by the Teutel boys.

Ted Koppel, Jim Gaffigan, Trey Anastasio

Kid scientists, John Cusack

Joaquin Phoenix, Trisha Yearwood

Over at Hello Deli, a lady from Des Moines, Iowa correctly guesses that Rupert is singing a Toby Keith song; Joaquin Phoenix promotes Walk The Line; Trisha Yearwood performed "Trying to Love You."

Ellen DeGeneres, Brad Paisley

Howard Stern, Pharrell Williams

Sen. John McCain, Carla Gugino

George Clooney, Ashlee Simpson

Dave shocks the audience with the news that Oprah Winfrey will be a guest on the show a week from Thursday; Biff undergoes Lasek eye surgery; George Clooney promotes "Syriana."

Dennis Quaid, Donovan McNabb

Stupid Pet Tricks, Claire Danes, Big Boi

President Bush drops by the theater but somehow gets himself locked out; in honor of Oprah's appearance next week, Dave gives everyone in the audience free vodka and Lipitor; throughout the night, Professor Robert Mundell tells Rodney Dangerfield jokes; Alan abruptly starts singing The Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps."

Megan Mullally, John Mayer Trio

John Malkovich, NASCAR Nextel Cup winner, Jim Gaffigan

Johnny Dark tries to sell Dave a 18-pound lobster; John Malkovich shares an amusing anecdote about his mother; race-car driver Tony Stewart plays "Joe Gibbs or Monkey?"

Stupid Human Tricks, Amanda Peet

Dave orders some decaf coffee from Starbucks; Dave reveals the giant Oprah photo in the backdrop again, then puts a much smaller photo of Regis right next to it; Amanda Peet promotes Syriana; The Darkness perform "Is It Just Me?"

Regis Philbin, Colin Hanks

Charlize Theron, Maureen Dowd

Oprah Winfrey, Bonnie Raitt

Rodeo champion Billy Etbauer

Jack Black, Reggie Bush, Sinead O'Connor

Sarah Jessica Parker, John Witherspoon

Stephen Colbert, Aqualung

Dave participates in a Holiday toy demonstration; Biff tells "It's so cold..." jokes; Aqualung performs "Brighter Than Sunshine."

Alec Baldwin, Shakira

Dr. Phil McGraw, Bill Scheft

Jim Carrey, We Are Scientists

Bonnie Hunt, Stephen A. Smith

Tonights guests include Bonnie Hunt and Stephen A. Smith.

Nathan Lane, Tom Dreesen

Jamie Foxx, Andy Kindler

Rosie Perez, Jay Thomas, Darlene Love

Heather Graham, Fall Out Boy

Dave explains how he ordered Sue Hum to make a cupcake costume just for heck of it; Biff reads a movie review from the newspaper; Heather Graham promotes her new sitcom; Fall Out Boy performs "Dance, Dance."

Bill O'Reilly, Eric Bana

Tonights guests include Bill O'Reilly and Eric Bana.

Pierce Brosnan, Marv Albert

Felicity Huffman, David Rakoff, Common

Amy Sedaris, Dennis Regan, the Temptations

Johnny Dark "celebrates" 39 years as a CBS page; Alan makes predictions for 2006; The Temptations perform "My Girl."

Albert Brooks, Kristin Cavallari

The apparent theme of the night is "Love Train"; Albert Brooks sings "Thanks to the Memories" believing that Dave is retiring; "Laguna Beach" star Kristen Cavallari promotes her new reality show.

Scarlett Johannsen, Tiki Barber, Imogen Heap

Dave demands that the O'Jays perform "Love Train" on the show; Alan criticizes "Dancing with the Stars," then starts prancing around in a gold shirt; Scarlett Johansson (in her first appearance on the show in eight years) promotes Match Point.

Queen Latifah, Bob Sarlatte

Kiefer Sutherland, Alicia Keys, Andy Samberg

Tom Cavanagh, Jake Johannsen

Martin Lawrence, Kari Byron, Matisyahu

Dave laments the Colts' playoff loss and teases with retirement again; Alan's alter ego "Fat Momma Kalter" storms out of the theater; Matisyahu performs "King Without a Crown."

Tatum O'Neal, Jeff MacGregor

Dave wears the skin of a roasted chicken on his head; Rupert and the models are subject to a pizza taste test; "Is This Anything?" is revived to Dave's delight; "Leyan Lo" (the new world record-holder for solving a Rubik's Cube) fails to beat his personal best and melts down onstage.

Kate Beckinsale, Bob Saget

Tonights guests include Kate Beckinsale and Bob Saget.

Cheryl Hines, Anna Nalick, Mike Vanderjagt

Charles Grodin, Jordana Brewster

A cop from New Jersey pleads the fifth on "Know Your Current Events"; Johnny Dark comments on Dave's heart; Charles Grodin defends his performance in the 1976 remake of King Kong.

Anthony Hopkins

Bernie Mac, Beth Orton

Dave celebrates 2,500 shows at CBS with "Staffer Memories"; a recent graduate from Penn State is invited to ride a taxi pantsless; Dave and Emma Thompson instigate a pie fight.

Mischa Barton, Jeff Altman, Wicked Wisdom

Esteban sits in with the band; Jeff Altman shares an amusing story about Johnny Carson; Wicked Wisdom (a band with Jada Pinkett-Smith on lead vocals) performs "Something Inside of Me."

Tommy Lee Jones, Anthony Hamilton

P Diddy, Train

Paul does his "Carnac" homage again during "Stump The Band"; Olympic snowboarder Seth Wescott presents the Top Ten; Pat Farmer drops stale chips and dip onto 53rd Street; Train performed "Cab."

Harrison Ford, Michael Bublé

Comedian Andy Kindler reports from Super Bowl XL; Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger gets his beard shaved off by Dave and an audience member; Harrison Ford announces that he's in "a bubble of giddiness."

Beyonce Knowles, Stephen A. Smith

Rachel Weisz, Beastie Boys

Biff pretends to report from the Grammys; "Stupid Human Tricks" includes a woman who whistles the theme from The Andy Griffith Show with her toes; The Beastie Boys perform "So What'cha Want" with several audience members holding handheld camcorders.

Senator John McCain, Heidi Klum

Tonights guests include Senator John McCain and Heidi Klum.

Martha Stewart, Michael Bublé

Geena Davis, INXS

Julianne Moore, Randy Jackson, The O'Jays

Charles Barkley, Catherine Keener

Jimmy Fallon, Hannah Teter, She Wants Revenge

Donald Trump, Bill Burr

Marcia Cross, Daytona 500 Winner

Matthew Fox, Brian Regan, Broadway's Jersey Boys

Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Teutuls

Amanda Peet, Jack Hanna

Amanda Peet and Jack Hanna are featured guests plus Peter Griffin of Family Guy presents the Top Ten!

Hugh Laurie, Ne-Yo

Tonights guests include Hugh Laurie and Ne-Yo.

Bruce Willis, The Strokes

Tonights guests include Bruce Willis and The Strokes.

Barbara Walters, Tyler James Williams

Sarah Jessica Parker

Declaring that there are "more monkeys than ever," Dave meets the 2006 monkey-calling champions; Chef Giada De Laurentiis makes veal scallops for Dave and Sarah Jessica Parker (but not Paul).

Harry Connick Jr., Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Ricky Gervais, The Subways

Johnny Dark gives a tour of the theater; "Will It Float?" travels to Trump Tower; Ricky Gervais promotes his new children's book; The Subways perform "Rock and Roll Queen."

Emma Thompson, Frank Caliendo, Beth Orton

Howard Stern, Carrie Underwood

Natalie Portman, Al Franken

Vin Diesel, Trey Parker & Matt Stone

Denzel Washington, Diablo Cody

Marcia Cross, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins

David Spade, Teddy Geiger

Sharon Stone, Mark Fainaru-Wada, Lance Williams

Ray Romano, Willie Nelson

Josh Hartnett, Chris Elliott, Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Antonio Banderas, Patrice Oneal, Flaming Lips

Dave promises a box of Explod-O-Pop popcorn to every member of the audience; Liza Minnelli performs "I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore" to celebrate her 60th birthday; Al Lubel riffs on voting and anti-depressents.

Liza Minnelli, Al Lubel

Billy Crystal, Johnny Damon

Geena Davis, Aaron Eckhart, Sonya Kitchell

Jason Randal, Mandy Moore, Ben Harper

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tyler Perry, Death Cab For Cutie

Paul Rudd, Gretchen Mol, Mary J. Blige

Eva Longoria, Barry Sonnenfeld

Jane Fonda, Shooter Jennings

Craig Furguson, Alexis Bledel, Tom Russell

Dave sits down with fellow talk-show host Craig Furguson. He also talks with Gilmore Girls star Alexis Bledel, and Tom Russell.

Kerri Russell, Jerry Lee Lewis, Human Cannonball Team

Tom Hanks, Kanye West

Tom Cruise, Jamie Oliver

Rosie Perez, Danica Patrick

Julia Roberts, Pearl Jam

Vince Vaughn, K.T. Tunstall

Derek Jeter, Michelle Monghan, Barnum & Bailey Circus

Kurt Russell, The Little Willies

Jason Lee, Jack Hanna

Teri Hatcher, Tom Dreesen, Michel Lauziere

Edie Falco, Pete Correale, Van Hunt

Kid Scientists, William Shatner, Angels & Airwaves

Dave orders a reluctant Rupert to eat at Ranch 1; "True Tales of the Late Show Interns" expose the dark underbelly of the show's goings-on backstage; Debra Messing discusses childrearing.

Debra Messing, Chris Russo

Dave previews some of the new TV shows premiring in the fall; Bruce Willis tries to hold his breath underwater for nine minutes; Goldfrapp performed "Lost Cause."

Bruce Willis, Goldfrapp

Tonights guests include Rebecca Romijn from "X-Men 3: The Last Stand" and The Eagles of Death Metal.

Stupid Pet Tricks, Rebecca Romijn, Eagles of Death Metal

Tonight's guests include Jennifer Garner from "Alias" and Mary Cheney (author of "Now It's My Turn").

Jennifer Garner, Harry Hill

Several staffers give advice to college graduates; Martha Stewart finally opens up to Dave about prison life, Criss Angel falls into a woodchipper and survives; the Dixie Chicks performed "Not Ready To Make Nice."

Martha Stewart, Dixie Chicks, Criss Angel

Dave sends Rupert into the nearby Jamba Juice; Martin Short sings the virtues of the NSA; Biff comments on the Barry Bonds controversy; James Blunt performed "High."

Martin Short, James Blunt

Dave reveals the hot new toys for Christmas (seven months early); Jennifer Aniston dodges questions about her relationship with Vince Vaughn; Rob Zombie performs "America Witch."

Jennifer Aniston, Rob Zombie

Several naval officers participate in "Stump the Band"; tonight's "Immigrant Success Stories" segment fails to give a through profile to Dr. Henry Kissinger; Dave and Jesse James discuss welding.

Halle Berry, Harold Perrineau, Jesse James

Bill Maher, Rita Wilson

Lindsay Lohan, Sam Hornish Jr.

Bonnie Hunt, Elvis Costello, Allen Toussaint

Kyra Sedgwick, Al Franken

Meredith Vieira, Jeremy Piven, My Morning Jacket

Michael Keaton, Wolfmother

Paris Hilton, Will Shortz

Tim Russert, Cat Power

Stephen Colbert, Mark Cuban, Neko Case

Sandra Bullock, Widespread Panic

Iraqi terrorist Abu Hamza Al-Muhajir is spotted in the audience; Robert Duvall discusses some of the movies he has appeared in and his wife�s family in Argentina; Sonic Youth performed "Incinerate."

Robert Duvall, Tommy Tiernan, Sonic Youth

Geoff Ogilvy, the winner of this years U.S. Open, reads tonights Top Ten List; Adam Sandler discusses fatherhood and a hilarious incident in a hotel room in Mexico; Julie Chen discusses being married to Les Moonves and the new series of "Big Brother."

Adam Sandler, Julie Chen

Nicole Richie, Brandon Routh

Dwyane Wade, Amy Sedaris, Morningwood

Meryl Streep, Yellowcard

For the first time in several years, Dave asks Steph/Monty to imitate her ex-boyfriend's dancing abilities; Al Gore discusses global warming and the current state of American politics; Rock Kills Kid performed "Paralyzed."

Al Gore, Rock Kills Kid

Sue Hum walks towards a camera onstage for the sole purpose of applying lipstick; Kevin Spacey shares an amusing anecdote about Courtney Love and Peter O'Toole; The Streets perform "When You Wasn't Famous."

Kevin Spacey, The Streets

Anne Hathaway, Jim Gaffigan, Dashboard Confessional

The Family Feud board is resurrected; Dave observes film footage of a monkey undergoing a root canal; Fred Willard tells a dirty joke; Martha Wainwright performed Leonard Cohen's "Tower of Song."

Robert Downey Jr., Fred Willard, Martha Wainwright

Johnny Depp, Broken Social Scene

Dave shows a photo of The Doors in response to a pre-show audience question; Tom Brokaw plugs his new book; Paul Simon performs "Outrageous."

Tom Brokaw, Paul Simon

John Witherspoon, The Fray

Paul Reubens, Yunjin Kim, Nelly Furtado

Denis Leary, New York Met David Wright, the Wreckers

Luke Wilson, Band of Horses

Anderson Cooper, Greg Fitzsimmons

Tonight's guests include Kate Hudson and Patrice O'Neal.

Kate Hudson, Patrice O'Neal

A man on the street showers himself under the Late Show Shower-Cam; in honor of her 85th birthday, Dorothy presents the Top Ten; Bryce Dallas Howard promotes "Lady in the Water."

Regis Philbin, Bryce Dallas Howard

Tonights guests include Uma Thurman and Morgan Spurlock.

Uma Thurman, Morgan Spurlock, egg catchers Brad Freeman and Patrick Breault

Tonight's guests include Martin Short and Pink.

Martin Short, Pink

Sue Hum asks Dave if he could make change for a twenty; the show is interrupted by a phony CBS Special Report; Donald Trump is escorted onstage by four Miss Universe contestants; the Sam Roberts Band performed "Bridge to Nowhere."

Donald Trump, Nick Griffin, Sam Roberts

Dave and Gerard discuss Christie Brinkley's divorce before the show; 2006 Tour de France winner "Floyd Landis" takes a victory lap around the theater; Shannon Eis and Dave goof around during a "New Summer Toys" segment; India.Arie performs "There's Hope."

Colin Farrell, India.Arie

Greg Kinnear, reptile expert Dr. Darrel Frost, Tapes 'n Tapes

A short comedy bit involving Dave, Sue Hum, and a bowl of gazpacho is botched; Dave examines Scarlett Johansson's teeth; the Teutel Boys from "American Chopper" show off their newest souped-up cycle, the OCC Splitback.

Scarlett Johansson, Paul Teutul Jr. and Sr.

During "Stump the Band," an audience member completely forgets the title of his disputed tune; controversial cyclist "Floyd Landis" is beaten up by the NYPD; The Spinners perform "I'll Be Around" and "Mighty Love."

Johnny Depp, the Spinners

Dave reads out loud the lost letters of Albert Einstein; "Biff Henderson's 'Where Are They Now?'" looks at the late Buddy Ebsen; Tom Dreesen promotes his new one-man show and takes a few lighthearted jabs at his first wife.

Jamie Foxx, Tom Dreesen

Samuel L. Jackson, Gnarls Barkley

Hilary Duff, Jason Randal, Dirty Pretty Things

Tonights guests include Jessica Biel and Christina Aguilera.

Jessica Biel, Christina Aguilera

Throughout the night, a guy named Bob Zick stands over by the staircase and laughs at everything Dave says; Samuel L. Jackson stars in the much-hyped sequel "Snakes in a Deli"; elderly sock puppet expert Jack Fisette has a demonstration with Dave; Fatboy Slim performed "That Old Pail of Jeans."

Whoopi Goldberg, sock puppeteer Jack Fisett, Fatboy Slim

Edward Norton, Greg Fitzsimmons

Dave and Steph/Monty play stickball out on 53rd Street; Julianna Margulies discusses overcoming her fear of snakes during a filming of a certain Samuel L. Jackson movie; stand-up comedian "Andy Sansone" bombs in his alleged network television debut; OutKast performed "Morris Brown."

Julianna Margulies, Andy Sansone, Outkast

"Raul Castro" fields questions for the audience; Chris Elliott auditions for the CBS soap "Guiding Light," Razorlight performed "America."

Chris Elliott, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Razorlight

An audience member compares Dave to Alfred E. Neuman; Dave and Paul play "Let's Scare the Hell Out of Rupert"; Busta Rhymes performs "Touch It, I Love My B----, New York S---."

John McEnroe, Artie Lang, Busta Rhymes

Mark Wahlberg, Ruth Regina, M. Ward

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Albert Pujols