L.A. Law Season 1, Episode 5: Simian Chanted Evening

Pilot

Becker begins the day dealing with some irate clients and finds himself at the wrong end of a gun; Melman discovers a dead partner; Kuzak finds a creative way to see that justice is done when he defends an unsavory client accused of rape and assault on a terminally ill woman; Brackman challenges Kelsey about taking on an insurance case; the firm takes on a new associate; a Chaney eulogy takes a shocking turn; Becker opens the eyes of a woman who mistakenly thinks she has a good divorce settlement; Perkins's marital problems become public knowledge; Kuzak encounters a judge who takes traffic violations seriously; Kelsey propositions Markowitz.

120 min

Those Lips, That Eye

Kuzak pursues a very attractive deputy district attorney, Grace Van Owen, even though she's engaged to marry the man managing her campaign for a seat on the bench; Perkins is beaten by her drunken husband after she files for divorce and sole custody of their son; Kelsey continues to clash with Brackman, as well as McKenzie, over the insurance case until her hardball tactics succeed in earning a windfall fee for the firm; Sifuentes comes to regret the plea agreement he negotiates for a man who took justice into his own hands after watching his son's killer freed on a technicality; Weston is infuriated when Becker sandbags her chance to be offered a position as an associate after he tires of their affair; Markowitz courts a hesitant Kelsey; feeling passed over for promotion by Sifuentes's hiring, Taylor quits; Perkins becomes the default winner of an associate position; Chaney's will brings out the beast in Brackman.

The House of the Rising Flan

Sifuentes is outraged when he learns that the motive behind an invitation to dinner at the Brackman house was to enlist his aid in perpetrating an immigration fraud; Kuzak continues to pursue Van Owen; Perkins is devastated when her ex-husband kidnaps their son, and quickly becomes frantic when it appears that the police cannot help her find him; Kuzak discovers that his client's suit against an amusement park for injuries his son suffered is based on a fraudulent claim; Markowitz fears that he will lose his job when he declines to run a scam on an alcoholic I.R.S. agent to mitigate his client's tax bill, but luck is on his side when the adverse I.R.S. ruling turns into a financial coup after his client's wife sues for divorce.

The Princess and the Wiener King

McKenzie's disappointment in the greedy law school students whose class he addresses leads him to offer a clerkship to a student who appears to be more socially responsible; in defending a young teenager who murdered her abusive brother, Sifuentes suspects that the abuse may have begun with the girl's father; Kelsey forces Perkins to realize that she may never see Eric again; Van Owen is furious when she discovers that Kuzak has arranged a lunch date with her fiance to scope out his competition; Kelsey finds out about Markowitz's secret life; McKenzie suggests a course of action after Hubbard expresses her frustration with their business and personal relationship; a lovesick Lewis fights to keep his princess, despite Becker's advice; Van Owen pays Kuzak a late night visit and reveals her true feelings.

Slum Enchanted Evening

Van Owen faces hairy jokes from her colleagues and the anger of her ex-fiance after bailing out on her wedding; Kuzak represents a television news anchor suing for sex discrimination and wrongful termination when her employer fires her after having second thoughts about the series of reports on her breast cancer surgery that they assigned her to produce; Sullivan is busted for dealing drugs out of the office; Taylor successfully represents a tenant's association suing Brackman for being a slumlord, and gives his former boss a taste of his own medicine when Brackman threatens to prolong the case with a series of appeals to avoid paying the judgment levied against him; Hubbard applies to law school; Kelsey does business with a very agreeable banker offering excellent terms on her partnership buy-in loan; Brackman faces a stunning and humiliating defeat when he foolishly decides to take on McKenzie in the partners' meeting.

Raiders of the Lost Bark

Kuzak slyly sticks Sifuentes with a dog of a case, but it's Sifuentes who's sitting pretty after he discovers the teeth in the matter, and pulls out an unexpected win; Abby rebuffs an admirer; Becker's gamble on the Mishkin fee agreement pays off financially but dooms the relationship; after Kuzak wins the discrimination case, he discovers that his client had an ulterior motive for not accepting a generous settlement offer; Brackman takes a new approach to life and dealing with people in the wake of his double barreled defeats in the court room and the partners' meeting; Becker is oblivious to Melman's feelings for him.

48 min

Gibbon Take

Van Owen's ex-fiance gets his revenge by humiliating her during a campaign appearance, thus sabotaging her race for the bench; when Kelsey shakes a trust's money tree to benefit the homeless, she also creates a windfall for the firm and herself; an ugly divorce case hits too close to home when Abby tries her hand at marital law; Sifuentes adds to his chair collection as he settles a slander case against a prosecutor who took losing the Sullivan drug case on a technicality too personally and too publicly; Van Owen experiences an extremely embarrassing case of mistaken simian identity.

The Venus Butterfly

Becker, Markowitz and Kelsey bicker over who will inherit Chaney's office; Van Owen prosecutes a man charged with the mercy killing of his terminally ill lover; to Kelsey's undying gratitude, Markowitz learns the secret of a serial bigamist's success with women as Becker and Markowitz represent the man's eleven wives in their divorce actions; Abby is devastated when a dead boy matching Eric's description is mistakenly cremated before he can be identified.

Fry Me to the Moon

Kuzak gets nightmares over handling an appeal for a man sentenced to death; Van Owen helps Gilliam get a reprieve for Appleton; Melman comforts Becker when his parents try to put him in the middle of their divorce dispute; Sifuentes resigns after McKenzie sandbags his representation of a woman who could potentially embarrass one of McKenzie's clients; Perkins rescues a stray dog who wins over Brackman's heart; Van Owen intercedes for an inebriated Kuzak who's about to be arrested for disrespecting the police.

El Sid

An increasingly unstable Hershberg asks Kuzak to take over the case of a woman who shot a police officer; Rogoff reassigns Van Owen to night court as punishment for helping Appleton; Perkins makes a deal with the devil to have her son returned to her safely; things get heated in another court when the men of McKenzie, Brackman engage in a contentious basketball game with a rival firm; Markowitz redecorates Chaney's office and gives it to Kelsey as a Christmas present; after McKenzie apologizes, Sifuentes agrees to return to the firm.

Sidney, the Dead-Nosed Reindeer

La Rosa digs up the ammunition Kelsey needs to succeed in representing an inventor in a contract dispute over patent royalties; Kuzak is horrified as he witnesses a severely depressed Hershberg commit suicide in court; Becker gets caught in a compromising position when he's propositioned by a client's soon-to-be ex-wife; Perkins spends Christmas with her son; when his pre-trial depositions reveal that the Emmons case is a winner, Kuzak is able to negotiate a favorable settlement for his client.

Prince Kuzak in a Can

Overburdened with Hershberg's caseload, and haunted with guilt over his death, Kuzak snaps at his colleagues, pays a heavy price for the way he handles a manslaughter case, and ruins Van Owen's plans for the weekend; Sifuentes's whiz kid client develops a crush on Melman as he fixes the firm's malfunctioning telephone system; Kelsey wins a major account for the firm and faces a jealous Markowitz, who correctly guesses that the client has more than a professional interest in his new attorney; after initially spurning Sifuentes's offer to help with Hershberg's caseload, Kuzak finally enlists his aid, allowing Sifuentes to talk the judge and prosecutor into a sweetheart deal for the client.

The Douglas Fur Ball

McKenzie gets Kuzak sprung from jail; after Brackman's wife discovers his infidelity and serves him with divorce papers, he begs her to take him back when he discovers that she's represented by Lisa Weston, who intends to go after a share of the partnership's profits in the settlement; Sifuentes confronts a judge after Putnam's computer analysis uncovers a racist bent to the jurist's sentencing determinations; Markowitz's jealousy prompts him to keep too close an eye on Kelsey's relationship with Cromwell, which creates friction between the attorneys; McKenzie represents a jurist friend who is arrested after taking desperate measures to resolve a deteriorating financial situation when the firm declines to offer him the partnership he seeks; Melman goes out to dinner with Putnam; Weston has it out with Becker over his mistreatment of her and discovers to her discomfort how much they have in common.

48 min

December Bribe

The partners consider whether they should merge with a large New York firm; Kuzak and Van Owen bemoan the scheduling difficulties that keep them apart; McKenzie negotiates a sweetheart deal for Hood with the district attorney's office and the ethics board, but runs into opposition from his headstrong client; Perkins hits rough seas as she represents an outspoken grandmother in her maiden voyage in court; Kelsey angers Cromwell when she spurns his romantic advances and reaffirms her feelings for Markowitz; Becker gets his dream house by convincing a divorcing couple to reconcile and then lease him the house that's been the source of contention in their marriage.

Beef Jerky

Van Owen prosecutes a case of seminal importance; Becker comes to regret pushing a client beyond her limits after confronting her with her husband's infidelity despite her protests; in civil court, Sifuentes and Perkins represent a family nearly destroyed by the death of a child in a car accident; when Perkins can't find an eligible escort for her cousin's wedding, Van Owen fixes her up with Handleman, who eagerly agrees to the date.

Becker on the Rox

When a pharmaceutical firm employs a jury consulting firm to assist him in a product liability suit, Kuzak becomes engaged in a contest of style over substance until he enlists Sifuentes's help in showing the client the error of not settling the case out of court; Melman and Becker come to a parting of the ways over her demand for a substantive raise; Sifuentes encourages Perkins to get back into the court room and represent a disabled man who may be incapable of forming the requisite criminal intent to commit the crime of which he is accused; Markowitz takes issue with Kelsey over the state of her finances when he agrees to do her tax returns, and makes a proposal that will improve both her cash flow and their relationship. Abby tests courtroom waters again as she defends the retarded Benny Stulwicz against robbery charges.

48 min

Fifty Ways to Floss Your Lover

Becker is enthralled by the beautiful, but somewhat incompetent, secretary who's temping while Melman is on jury duty until he discovers that their relationship will never be anything but professional; Van Owen contemplates buying a gun after a gangbanger shoots her in the court house hallway in retaliation for her winning a death penalty case against a member of the shooter's gang; Melman stands up to a bully in the deliberation room and turns the tide of the verdict towards justice; Sifuentes hits it off with his new dentist and agrees to represent her in a malpractice suit, but their romance is doomed when she can't leave her work at the office; realizing that he can't survive professionally if Melman quits, Becker finally capitulates to her salary demands.

The Grace of Wrath

Sifuentes tries to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat by responding to the advances made by an attractive juror after his elderly pot smoker client is found guilty, but soon comes to realize that his losing streak with women is continuing when she reveals her true colors; Brackman considers wearing a toupee when the prospect of aging starts to weigh on him heavily; Rogoff assigns Van Owen to desk duty as it becomes apparent that she's become more traumatized by the shooting than she's willing to admit; Melman provides a source of strength and comfort to a client struggling with his emotions during a painful divorce.

Sparky Brackman, R.I.P.

Kuzak faces a tough opponent in civil court when he represents a college student suing for damages after being raped; the ongoing conflict between Brackman and his litigious neighbor escalates after Perkins successfully represents Brackman in a nuisance suit over Sparky's behavior, leading to Sparky's demise and Brackman's arrest for assaulting his neighbor; Kelsey and Markowitz come into conflict when she gets a temporary case of cold feet about selling her condo; Becker continues to disparage Melman's relationship with Shacter.

Oy Vey! Wilderness!

Markowitz and Kuzak join forces to help a fisherman when the IRS confiscates his boat in a tax dispute; Sifuentes convinces Feldman to drop criminal assault charges against Brackman, but Kerris chokes on the deal; when Kuzak gives her an ultimatum after her substance abuse nearly gets her killed, Van Owen takes a leave of absence to deal with her recent trauma; Becker gets manipulated by a young model; McKenzie falls ill and requires surgery, the nature of which he refuses to indulge; Shacter takes Melman to Hawaii; Kelsey regrets convincing Markowitz to go backpacking when their trek through the hills gets disastrously under her skin.

Pigmalion

Becker represents the wife of a children's television show host who sues her husband for divorce after catching him in bed with an unlikely partner; Brackman and Kerris finally settle their differences; Sifuentes begins to doubt his client's innocence in the death of her new baby after he sees her lash out in anger at her first child; Kuzak finally gets the IRS to admit their error in the Messer case, and then puts his money where his mouth is when the bank forecloses on the boat; Brackman pressures Becker to conclude the prenup negotiations for an influential client; McKenzie finally reveals the nature of his minor surgery; Kelsey and Markowitz become engaged and run off to Las Vegas for a quickie wedding, but the Elvis-impersonator minister at the wedding chapel sends them fleeing back to Los Angeles doubled over in laughter before they tie the knot; a healed and sober Van Owen returns home to Kuzak.