L.A. Law Season 2, Episode 13: Beauty and Obese

The Lung Goodbye

Kuzak takes a personal interest in representing a terminally ill smoker suing a tobacco company; Sifuentes's bad luck with women continues; Kelsey and Markowitz unsuccessfully seek out professional help to end their communication problems; Becker cozies up to his client's ex-wife to reach a divorce settlement; Sifuentes does the right thing when he turns over information that frees the man convicted of vandalizing his new car.

The Wizard of Odds

Brackman begins to get carried away over his judicial appointment until an insulting parrot puts him in his place; Kelsey successfully represents a psychiatrist being sued in civil court for not preventing the murder of one patient by another, and is horrified when her client later confesses to the crime to prevent her from pursuing her suspicions that the wrong man was convicted of the crime; Markowitz covers for Gianelli, protecting him from Brackman's wrath; a wealthy woman wins an evening with Becker in a bachelor charity auction, and intends to get her money's worth; McKenzie hires hotshot young attorney Jonathan Rollins over Brackman's reservations that meeting Rollins's salary demands will cause trouble with the other associates; Sifuentes faces an opponent skilled in manipulating the jury's guilt with ethically questionable antics when they go head to head in a product liability case.

Cannon of Ethics

Kelsey seeks the advice of outside counsel, Kuzak's former mentor Wendell Gleason, in resolving her ethical dilemma about Dr. Warren's guilt, but is none too appreciative when Gleason's terminal illness allows him to accomplish what she cannot; Becker's ardor for Hollander turns to ice when she starts discussing marriage; after the jury hands Sifuentes a defeat in the product liability case, the judge threatens to reverse the finding, prompting the attorneys to reach a settlement, as well as a new-found respect for each other's abilities; Perkins solves a problem for a dying Mrs. Stulwicz as well as the firm when she convinces Brackman to hire Benny Stulwicz as the firm's messenger; Kelsey and Markowitz come into conflict after she takes Brackman on for suggesting that Markowitz resign before the wedding; in commiserating with Gianelli when he feels compelled to join his family's business after failing the bar exam, Perkins jumps to a completely erroneous conclusion about the exact nat

Brackman Vasektimized

Kelsey forces a client to clean up his act after she discovers that his company is knowingly dumping carcinogens into a local water supply; the jealousy bug takes a big bite out of Van Owen when Kuzak's ex-wife comes back into his life; Kleinberg's disgust over her obnoxious and ungrateful client doesn't keep her from winning the case, but is enough to make her quit; Brackman falls for the charms of his seductive bailiff; after getting Kleinberg to edit out some things in her novel that hit a little too close to home, Becker brokers a publishing deal for her in exchange for a percentage, and a few extras; Perkins finds out how much money Rollins is making and tells Sifuentes, who manages to negotiate a raise, while Perkins is left out in the cold and wondering if her job is in jeopardy.

The Brothers Grimm

Sifuentes represents a traumatized woman suing a cop for not intervening as he witnessed her rape, and her boyfriend's murder, during an armed robbery in a bar; Markowitz's request for a prenup backfires on him badly; when an old case resurfaces, Brackman discovers his father's secret life, complete with a mistress and another son; members of the firm support Stulwicz when his mother dies; over Kuzak's strong objections, Van Owen meets with Palmer and then decides to move back to her house; Perkins and Kelsey patch up their differences.

Auld L'Anxiety

McKenzie overcomes his fear of aging, as well as a little vanity, in successfully representing a client in an age discrimination case; Van Owen is devastated when a witness she has forced to testify against a gang banger is slain, and the woman's young son murders the gang member who ordered his mother's execution; Rollins defies the direct orders of McKenzie and Brackman not to prolong a property settlement conference in a divorce case, but Becker is elated when Rollins's tactics yield a lucrative settlement for their client; Kelsey politely rebuffs Markowitz as he bears gifts and apologies about the prenup, until he finally wears her down and gets her to admit that controlling and manipulative behavior is another thing they have in common; Brackman's sanctimonious pontificating about the sanctity of marriage to litigants in the court room doesn't carry into his own behavior in his chambers with Vasek.

Rohner vs. Gradinger

Rollins does an end run around Markowitz and McKenzie to retain a client, much to their displeasure; Sifuentes meets an attractive divorcee; Kelsey's misgivings about her mother's visit prove well-founded when Markowitz loses his composure in public over his future mother-in-law's incessant bigotry; over Brackman's objections, Perkins pursues mediation instead of litigation as a strategy for resolving a dispute between former friends and business partners, and fears for her future at the firm when the mediation ends badly; Kuzak defends an arrogant and addicted celebrity charged with possession and assault; Vasek is initially understanding when Brackman ends their relationship in the face of his brother's blackmail, but becomes livid when he ruins her career to cement the breakup.

Goldilocks and the Three Barristers

Van Owen prosecutes three attorneys for the sexual molestation of a teenage stripper; after agonizing over the possibility that Vasek may have exposed him to AIDS, Brackman vows to go on the straight and narrow after he receives a clean bill of health, and is floored by Vasek's reaction; when gossip he overhears at a restaurant leaves him unnerved, Becker reappraises his image; Sifuentes and Sevilla take their relationship to another level; Perkins is astonished when Rohner vs. Gradinger turns out to be a winner in more ways than one; Becker learns a lesson about self-acceptance when he tries to lift Stulwicz's spirits with a fashion makeover.

Divorce with Extreme Prejudice

Van Owen has mixed emotions about successfully prosecuting a teenager who murdered his abusive father; seeking to get out from under his brother's blackmail, Brackman confesses his infidelity to his wife, who exacts a stiff penalty for the crime which leaves her husband breathless; Becker enlists Melman's support in making the holidays in Palm Springs bearable; when Sevilla is arrested for the murder of her husband, Sifuentes gets the case dismissed, but his inability to believe her version of the events surrounding the fatality permanently dooms their relationship.

Full Marital Jacket

In the aftermath of his anxiety attack, Brackman has a new perspective on life, and his wife has a new perspective on their relationship that involves talking to lawyers; Benny is mistakenly charged with sexual assault; Melman runs into a handsome and charming man in the parking garage; Gianelli asks Perkins for her hand in marriage, but is forced to settle for a date; Kelsey's mother reappears bearing gifts and heartfelt apologies; Rollins lights a fire under the opposition to smoke out the real extent of the injuries a man claims to have sustained during a performance by the Gianelli family; after the bride overcomes a few pre-wedding jitters, Kelsey and Markowitz are united in matrimony.

Gorilla My Dreams

Sifuentes's plan to use the zoo as a teaching tool for giving Stulwicz some sex education has unexpected benefits for two of its residents; Melman's new boyfriend gets arrested for insider trading, placing her, Kelsey and Perkins in jeopardy for acting on his tips; Becker's scorched earth policy on divorce settlements leads to near tragedy for a client's family, which prompts him to reassess his strategy for handling Brackman's divorce.

Hand Roll Express

McKenzie gets Brackman's arrest for solicitation vacated when he's able to prove that his colleague really was ordering off the menu at a sushi bar, and not negotiating a tryst with an attractive but inexperienced undercover police officer; Melman's loyalty to Markham lands her behind bars for refusing to testify against him until a jail house visitor wises her up by breaking her heart; Van Owen accepts the offer of a lucrative partnership in an old friend's law firm; Sifuentes's bad luck streak with the women in his life extends into the courtroom when his client dooms his dreams of winning a landmark First Amendment case; Markowitz's mixed feelings about his new watch are resolved by a mugger who relieves Markowitz of his ill-gotten gain, and Kelsey of her engagement ring.

Petticoat Injunction

Still traumatized by the mob hit, Van Owen resigns from the firm and decides to take some time off before job hunting; Kuzak shocks Becker into dropping a client who's illegally using court proceedings to boost the ratings for her TV show; the charges against Alden are dismissed when Kelsey and Markowitz can't agree on the stand about the details of their mugging, but they manage to use his greed to get Kelsey's ring back and Alden rearrested on perjury charges; Perkins and Becker give Stulwicz some guidance on dating.

The Bald Ones

Brackman loses a parent, but gains another sibling; Kuzak convinces Van Owen to come out of retirement to represent his client's co-defendant in a felony murder trial; Perkins and Rollins bicker over the best way to deter a class action suit against their client until Motown and a little spin on the conference room table help them patch up their differences; Farrell visits his brother to extend both his condolences and his hand out for a portion of their father's residuary estate; Sifuentes represents a widow in her legal malpractice case against her formerly famous, but now fading, attorney; Salt's understanding of the dynamics of the Brackman marriage helps him bring them back together, forging a bond of closeness with his new-found sibling and his wife.

Fetus Completus

Feelings run high among the attorneys at the firm when Kelsey represents a doctor petitioning the court to allow him to deliver an endangered eight month old fetus by Caesarean section against the wishes of the child's father and terminally ill mother; the Brackman reconciliation collapses in a hail of pottery, and Becker's ammunition in their settlement talks backfires badly; Kuzak and Van Owen clash over trial strategy; Brackman follows in his father's footsteps when seeking solace over his divorce woes.

Belle of the Bald

Kuzak successfully represents a woman who murdered her rapist after he invoked his diplomatic immunity to avoid prosecution, but the case ends tragically when the rapist's brother seeks his revenge; Van Owen goes back to work prosecuting a golfer whose abuse led to the death of a swan; Stulwicz confesses to shredding the wrong file even though he fears that his job may be in jeopardy; Farrell is shocked to discover the new man in his mother's life.

48 min

Open Heart Perjury

Rollins goes after a businessman who bilked a widow out of her life's savings; Becker capitalizes on the pending divorce of a judge who's presiding over his case; Roxanne is bored by a traveling salesman.

Leapin' Lizards!

A TV superhero fights to remain in the role of the Salamander; Becker celebrates his birthday with the new woman in his life; and Roxanne discovers she has a big tax problem.

Chariots of Meyer

Van Owen is stung when the defense attorney of the man she prosecutes for attempted murder levels charges of racism against both her and the witnesses in the case; McKenzie gains a young admirer as he defends an overly litigious retiree with too much time on his hands; the Debeque twins create a stir when they appear in the office looking for Sifuentes, but run into an old friend instead; Melman finds it impossible to resist Meyer's offers of friendship, flowers, dinners and the use of one of his cars.