The Kids in the Hall Season 5, Episode 9: #509

#501

Idiot Boy: Assistant, Cops: Interrogation 1, Feelyat, Cops: Interrogation 2, Catching Up, Martyr, Cops: Interrogation 4, The Beard Skits: - Idiot Boy at Work: Idiot Boy is causing problems at work - Police Department: 10:00 a.m. Precinct House - Did you kill that guy? - You've Gained Weight: woman with eating disorder discusses weight problems - Police Department: 6:00 p.m. Precinct House - Did you kill that guy? - Feelyat!: bizarre foreign-language game show (& news bulletin) - Brian's Been Arrested: Fran tells how Brian was arrested - Police Department: 11:00 p.m. Precinct House - Did you kill that guy? - The Beard: Man's beard takes over his life

24 min

#502

Cops: Interrogation 5, Please Please Please, Special Sauce, Chance Meeting, Cops: Interrogation 7, Document, Grizzly, Cops: Interrogation Finale Skits: - Police Department: 10:00 a.m. Precinct House - "conclusion" of "Did you kill that guy?" - Disgusting Old Man: old man asks neighbor to turn over his wife - The Chosen One Thinker: fast food crew chief/chosen one thinks - Chance Meeting: the story of a man's and woman's chance meeting - Police Department: 9:00 p.m. Precinct House - Did you kill that guy? - Firing Documentary: man makes documentary of being fired from work - Grizzly: man encounters a "bear" while hunting for chicks - Police Department: 1:00 a.m. Precinct House - real "conclusion" of "Did you kill that guy?"

25 min

#503

Hookers: Drum Up Business, How To, Just One Guy, Hookers: Rap Music, Por-eef, Jug Head, The Hit Skits: - Whores: drumming up business - Meet Your New Male Slave: Buddy gets a new male slave - Someone Doesn't Like You: man discusses a guy who doesn't like a friend - Whores: rap music - Poreef: Money-Momentum guys sell new product in a grocery store - The Tattoo: man reveals his deep hidden secret - The Hit: man hires hit man to kill himself

24 min

#504

God is Dead, New Boots, Fast Breakup, Hookers: Porno, Rockey, Hookers: Price List, Montreal 2, Dessert Skit: - God is Dead: newsreel footage of the death of God - New Boots: workers with steel-toed boots go to the job - Accelerated-Time Breakup: time accelerates whenever man leaves wife - Whores: new price list - Buddy's Bar: Buddy talks about Montreal - Whores: johns who can't pay - Dipping Areas: a restaurant kitchen discussion about the mousse dipping areas

24 min

#505

Lesbian & Gay Pride, Waiter With Stumps For Hands, Squealin', Gavin: Leaking, Protest, Good to Cry 2, Drag Queens & Leather People, Sounds Skit: - Steps: gay pride day - Stump Hand Waiter: the waiter with stumps for hands - Butt Freak Film Buff: the guy who likes a certain type of movie scene - Gavin at the Police Department: Gavin registers a complaint at the police department - Steps: gay pride day continued - Guy Who Consoles People in Hospital: the guy who consoles crying people in the hospital - Steps: gay pride day continued - Evan the Stereo Salesman: Evan the intense stereo salesman

24 min

#506

Fight-Picking Guy - This Close (SD)(5): guy in bar who wants to get in a fight • Weston & Virgil in 1972 (SMB)(5): Weston & Virgil at school in 1972 (Weston Esterhazy, Virgil) • Power-Mad after Promotion (KDM)(5): mail clerk gets promoted and goes power-mad • Sick about Crime (D)(5): experienced cop gets sick about lawbreakers • Laundromat Business Opportunities (MB)(5): businessman tries to lease underwear • Fight-Picking Guy - Up Your Craw (SK)(5): guy in bar who wants to get in a fight • Post-Apocalypse Poets (KMB)(5): post-apocalypse poets smokes pot and writes songs • Fight-Picking Guy - Hey! (SM)(5): guy in bar who wants to get in a fight • Coal-Shoveler with Angst (BM)(5): coal shoveler questions life

24 min

#507

Slow Motion Trick (MDK)(5): guy acts slow to make friend leave • Ex-Girlfriend Relocation (MKD)(5): guy wants to have ex-girlfriend relocated • Whores (DS)(5): looking for a hooker with a heart of gold (Whores) • Love (B): Bruce monologue about love • Breast-Obsessed Businessman (KDS)(5): man obsessed with secretary's breasts • Whores (DS)(5): ""Want a date?"" joke backfires (Whores) • Naive Duck Hunting (SM)(5): hunting-naive companions go duck hunting • Whores (DS)(5) • They Love Me in France (all)(5): why Kevin is popular only in France

24 min

#508

555-SLUT (none): gross guy's phone sex ad • Chicken Lady at the Mall (DMSB)(5): Chicken Lady masturbates at the mall (Chicken Lady) • Old People (B)(5): Bruce monologue about old people • Office Joker Revenge (MKB)(5): man wants to get revenge against office joker • 555-SLUT (none)(5): gross guy's phone sex ad • Exercise Class Instructors (MBS)(5): exercise class teachers have a fight • 555-SLUT (D)(5): friend-of-gross-guy's phone talk ad • Embarrasing Dinner (KSDM)(5): man's companion snorts coke at dinner (Smitty)

24 min

#510

Lick Town Clean (DK)(5): residents must lick the town clean • Agents in the Bar (SMK)(5): the Sudelmans in the bar order drinks after last call (Sudelmans) • The Lovers 3* (DM)(5): the lovers talk about their love (directed by Mark) • Noisy Kid (MBKD)(5): man in line complains about a yakky kid • Dave/Elk (DS)(5): comparison of Dave and an elk [Scott narrates] • Humpback Gays (BS)(5): gay pair discusses one guy's hump (Butchie?) • The Lovers 4* (DM)(5): the lovers talk about their love (directed by Mark) • My Training* (BKM)(5): man who participates in competitive bathtub-soaking

24 min

#511

The Test-Tube Baby (SD)(5): man complains about being a test-tube baby • Kathie & Dry Cleaner (BMSK)(5): Kathie sleeps with dry cleaner (Kathie, Cathy, Tanya, Secretary, Bigot Cabbie) • Whores (DSK)(5): first timer (Whores, Rudy) • Starving Street Singers (BKM)(5): street singers look for food (Street Singers) • Communist Threat (DK)(5): man talks about the communist threat • Whores (SK)(5): Maudre pretends to be Rudy's wife (Maudre, Rudy) • Man's Girlfriend's Jobs (all)(5): man who wants girlfriends with various jobs

24 min

#512

Shoe Shine--He's not stoned; he's just noticing things. • The Monkeys--Be afraid. Be very afraid; he might let the monkeys loose. • You Scuzzy Piece of Filth!--He dialed wrong. • Raj and Christine: Temporary Roommates--She contributes; she shoplifted for him. • Husk Musk--The bottled scent of Danny.

24 min

#513

Clothes-Talker (K)(5): man talks to his clothes • Sid & Sharisse Wedding (all)(5): Sid & Sharisse get married (Sid, Sharisse, Sid's Friend) • Whores (DSM)(5): film producer (Whores) • Darn Near Puked (BSK)(5): office workers discuss ""gross"" things • Whores (DS)(5): high heels and old boyfriends (Whores) • Scott's Vision (SM)(5): Scott has a vision after reading a list of men who died of AIDS • Again! Again! (SKBM)(5): old man asks women to dance in their underwear

30 min

#514

Police Department (BM)(5): 2:16 p.m. Cherry Beach - madness in L.A. (Police Department) • Bleeding Ear (KDB)(5): man's ear starts bleeding at dinner • Bikini Inspector (B)(5): man complains about ""Bikini Inspector"" T-shirts • Wedding at Buddy's (SKM)(5): Buddy conducts a marriage ceremony (Buddy) • This Scene Was Written in Haste...* (SDK)(5): a sketch written in haste • Hi-Tech Car Alarm (M)(5): Tucker followed by a car after setting off its alarm (Tucker)

24 min

#515

Cyclops (SD)(5): cyclops at a party • The Convenience Store Worker (all)(5): A convenience store clerk has his performance reviewed by executives • Hillbilly's Problem (MDSKJ)(5): A hillbilly has some problems after his cow kicks him in the head (Nurse Unloop) • Fran the Italian (SM)(5): Fran feels out of sorts (Fran)

24 min

#516

Wrote the Report Naked (DKS)(5): free spirit writes a report (Danny Husk, A.T. & Love Boss, Bingo the Clown) • Don't Shut off My Cable! (SM)(5): Korean War vet doesn't want to lose his cable (Disgusting Old Man) • My Gazebo! (all)(5): woman's gazebo disappears (Police Department) • Scott on Los Angeles (S)(5): a monologue from Scott on a dream he had • Carlo the Scientist (BM)(5): Darryl participates in an experiment (Darryl)

#517

Greater Possibilities (DK)(5): Man with submarine for an office • Steps Guys at Home (SDK)(5): Butch calls 555-JERK (Steps) • "Living Proof" Press Conference (MKB)(5): Band dies in a bus crash • Big Bucks* (B)(5): Man with a bizarre job gets the big bucks (directed by Bruce)

24 min

#518

Band Killer (BKM)(5): Capture of a serial killer (Police Department) • Brown Stuff (DS)(5): A.T. & Love boss has a problem (Danny Husk, A.T. & Love Boss) • I'm Late (KB)(5): The perfect couple practices being perfect • Steps* -- AIDS (DKS)(5): Steps guys discuss AIDS (Steps) • Bye Stan* (all+J)(5): Guy wishes everyone a good weekend (Danny Husk, Cathy, Kathie, Ms. Ferguson?) • Bellini Day (BMDP)(5): Aliens celebrate Bellini Day (Paul Bellini, sorta)

24 min

#519

Francesca, Bruno, & the Voiceover Guy (SDM)(5): voiceover guy corrects Francesca's grammar (Francesca Fiore, Bruno Puntz Jones) • Sperm Bank I (SMBK)(5): the humanoids rob a sperm bank (Humanoids for Humanism) • The Queen at Tea (DKS)(5): the Queen drops by unexpectedly for tea (The Queen) • Sperm Bank II (MBK)(5): sperm bank continued (Tucker, Armada in stills) • Man of Destiny (D)(5): a busy guy • Sperm Bank III (BM)(5): sperm bank continued (Police Department in still) • Heart Channel (all)(5): a truly bizarre pledge drive (Nena, Murray, Doctor, Nurse Unloop, Terrier) • Sperm Bank IV (-)(5): sperm bank concluded

24 min

#520

Noisy Roommates (DK)(5): man has problems with his "44" noisy roommates • Memoirs (SD)(5): husband and wife read "Memoirs" and reminesce • Journey to the Top of the Stairs (KSM)(5): a musical number

24 min

#521

End of the Beginning (P)(5): Bellini listens to the radio (Paul Bellini) • Armada Grows Old (MBK)(5): Armada sees the future (Armada) • The Sixth Kid (all)(5): Jeff Berman tribute • Buddy's Bar - Closure (S)(5): Buddy closes the bar • On Censorship (KDB)(5): ""recap"" of censored episodes • A.T. Buyout (all)(5): Everyone is fired (Cathy, Kathie, Tanya, Ms. Ferguson, Secretary, A.T. Boss) • Burial (all+P)(5): the boys are buried and Bellini speaks! (Paul Bellini)

24 min

#522

This Season 5 Best-Of Compilation features fan-favorite sketches: God is Dead, Chicken Lady at the Mall, Hillbilly's Problem, The Convenience Store Worker, Meet Your New Male Slave, and Disgusting Old Man.

30 min