The Howard Stern Show Season 1, Episode 35: What's My Secret?

1

Pilot

Stuttering John interviews Senator Walter Mondale. Jessica Hahn is caught on a hidden camera. Richard Belzer talks about his wife, actress Harlee McBride. Kenneth Keith Kallenbach attempts to blow cigarette smoke out of his eyes.

2

Celebrities

Comics Sam Kinison and David Brenner appear. Billy West in a Sinatra skit about Alzheimer's. Stuttering John interviews Roy Scheider and Joey Ramone. Howard undergoes a lie detector test. Joe Walsh and Sam Kinison perform "Desperado."

3

Overweight

Roseanne Barr sings National Anthem. Richard Simmons appears. Billy West as Ed McMahon in Star Search. Rapper Young MC. Amy Lyn strips. Stuttering John interviews Paul Harvey and Candice Bergen's mom Frances. Felix Cavalieri sings Rascals.

4

Last Show?

Parodies of Saddam Hussein, Leona Helmsley. Comic Pat Cooper and psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers stop by. The dangers of golf ball licking. Stuttering John interviews Dick Clark and John Amos. The Moody Blues perform "Tuesday Afternoon."

5

Kallenbach Returns

Billy West as Stooge Larry Fine and Father Bruce Ritter. Penthouse Pet Kimberly Taylor on hidden camera. Kenneth Keith Kallenbach returns to blow smoke through his eyes. Stuttering John interviews coach Tom Landry, baseball's Ted Williams.

6

Lisa Sliwa Acts

Lisa Sliwa, Elliot Gould in "Howard and Robin and Elliot and Lisa." Stuttering John interviews Ted Williams, Margot Kidder, Phil Donahue. Ronnie Spector sings a parody of "Be My Baby" about Maury Povich and Connie Chung.

7

Gilbert Dice Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried channels Andrew Dice Clay. David Dinkins School of Speech. George Bush Sr. (Billy West) plays golf with the Ramones, who are also interviewed. Stuttering John interviews Melanie Griffith. The Cowsills perform "Hair."

8

Howard's Makeover

Howard models ski clothes. Penn Gillette does a bean trick. Stuttering John interviews ZZ Top, WNBC-TV's Sue Simmons, Marc Christian (sued Rock Hudson), Judy Carne, Michael Musto of the Village Voice. Rappers Kid and Play perform.

9

World of Rock

Billy West as David Dinkins, Bob Hope. Howard as Larry King. Iggy Pop does "I Wanna Be Your Dog." Sinead O'Connor, Jay Leno, Madonna in news. Angie Bowie, Mai Pang and Tony Visconti appear. Stuttering John tries to interview Eddie Murphy

10

Morton Downey

Elvis appears in a cloud of smoke. Film of Stuttering John and talk show host Morton Downey, Jr., and of Laugh-In's Judy Carne, who also stops by the set. Howard and Robin discuss the changing hairstyles of baseball's Darryl Strawberry.

11

Joe and Kimberly

Howard and Fred as Casey and Jeanne Kasem. Man plays a saw. In news, Leona Helmsley, Mustang Ranch. Joe Piscopo, wife Kimberly Driscoll. Black kid in 1930's film pops out eyes. Eddie Murphy parody of pop out eyes. Boxer Larry Holmes raps.

12

Stuttering John

John interviews Sally Kirkland; Kadeem Haddison, Dhali Lama , Connie Chung, & Richard Gere. Replay of interview with Morton Downey Jr. Papa John Phillips sings.

13

The Munsters

Vegetarian protest at McDonalds. Grandpa Al Lewis, Howard as Herman Munster with Fred as Lily in skit Out of the Closet Munsters. Breast exam of Jackie. Stuttering John interviews Cindy and Joey Adams and Anthony Quinn.

14

Sexorcist

Billy West as David Dinkins in Escape From NY. Linda Blair stars with Howard in skit "The Sexorcist." Stuttering John calls on Yoko Ono at John Lennon's 50th birthday at UN. Producer Gary films Yoko walking home to the Dakota.

15

Grossanne

Gary wears a helmet that squirts liquid into his mouth whenever Howard pushes a button. Judy Tenuta stops by and appears as Roseanne Barr in a skit with Howard playing husband Tom Arnold. Stuttering John interviews columnist Liz Smith.

16

In a Car Trunk

The crew locks Gary in a car trunk. Musician Bob Geldof stops by and with guitar, replaces Gary in the trunk and performs a song. Street musician Celestine sings and plays "You'll Never Walk Alone" on a keyboard, using only her tongue.

17

Halloween

Howard's mother Ray stops by. Joan Rivers discusses the QVC shopping network and her feuds with Burt Reynolds and Johnny Carson. Howard goes Halloween trick-or-treating in Bayside, Queens and is invited home by two attractive women.

18

Vanna White

Yearbook photos of cast. Vanna White appears. Film of a magician getting buried alive. Mario Cuomo is shouted down by AIDS activists. Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold in Vanity Fair. Stuttering John interviews Justine Bateman.

19

The Lesbian Dating Game

A rerun of Billy West as Bob Hope. Joe Piscopo and Kimberly Driscoll stop by and announce their engagement. Howard hosts The Lesbian Dating Game. Howard interviews Reverend Al Sharpton.

20

House Party

At a Thanksgiving Party at a mansion, Howard picks girls to be hypnotized by Dr. King. A brief tour includes a massage room. Beatlesque band Enuff Z'Nuff performs "Nowhere Man" and "New Thing." Becky the Mental Patient does Cher.

21

The Kennedys

Howard plays Ted and Joan Kennedy in a skit. Madonna's banned "Justify My Love" video is shown. The date resulting from Lesbian Love Connection is discussed. Miss America runner up Marla Wynne does ventriloquism.

22

Decency Debate

Dick Cavett moderates between Howard & a lady who complained about him to the FCC. Milli Vanilla skit. John interviews cast of Lost In Space.

23

Celebrity Bowling and Christmas Special

Howard bowls a strike. Spokesmodel Lisa Costella. Young M.C. & Pat Cooper discuss Milli Vanilli. Grandpa Al Lewis & Tyrone Frasier.Kenneth Keith Kallenbach blows smoke through his eyes. Marilyn Michaels, Frank Stallone, & Jessica Hahn. Lloyd Lindsay & George Lindsay Young . Mark & Joey Ramone commercial. Billy West as Incredible Father Bruce Ritter. Jessica Hahn argues with Frank Stallone. Howard sings his Christmas song

24

Birthday Show

A Night at the Movies with Howard Run-DMC Gary goes on camera by accident Spokesmodel Pamela Rains Live commercial: Snapple News - Mayor Dinkin's sweating, AIDS commercial Jackie Stallone & boyfriend Jack, Frank Stallone. Stuttering John interviews Tony Bennett, Tiny Tim, Leona Helmsley, Helen Gurley Brown, Jackie Mason, Imelda Marcos, Joan Rivers, Neil Sedaka, Bess Myerson, Sidney Biddle Barrows, Liz Smith, Regis Philbin, Donald Trump, Marla Maples Howard Stern Birthday cake

25

Gulf War/Super Bowl

Robin gives Gulf War Update. Billy West as Barbara Bush. Howard interviewed by WCBS-TV's Mary Murphy after he visits Rev. Al Sharpton (gunshot wound) in the hospital; then, a parody of the visit. Super Bowl Party auditions.

26

This is a Life?

Art Fleming hosts This is a Life?. Film of Howard's parents and his sister. Appearances by his wife Allison, Dee Snyder (Twisted Sister), first boss (Boston U radio) to fire Howard, old girlfriends, a bully, his junior high gym teacher.

27

Tourette's Syndrome

The Mayor with X-Ray Eyes; Gulf War Update - Howard Yankoff Press Conference; Howard's appearance on the Joan Rivers Show; Howard shines NY Giant Leonard Marshall's shoes & kisses his butt. Stuttering John interviews Bernadette Peters; Don with Tourette's interviews porn stars

28

Swinger's Dating Game

Bernadette Peters at the Grammies Spokesmodel: Angela (does the opening credit) Howard visits 9BP Live commercial: Snapple Sinead O'Connor employment opportunity parody Live commercial: Beatle Coin Swinger's Dating Game Lloyd Lindsay Young Swinger's Dating Game continues Live commercial: Crash and Burn Rock Videotape Swinger's Dating Game continues

29

The Gulf War (General Howard Yankoff)

General Howard Yankoff 1-800-52-Stern - Crucified by the FCC Howard Stern horse race Spokesmodel: Chelsea Live commercial: Snapple - twisters Howard Stern horse race continues Live commercial: Brother P-Touch Howard Stern on 9BP Live commercial: Crash and Burn Rock Videotape Chrissie Hynde with Zsa Zsa Gabor (Marilyn Michaels) Live commercial: Beatle Coin Swingers Hookup

30

Out of the Closet

The Barbie-Booey doll. Siskel and Ebert review Howard's parody of the film Awakenings. Out of the Closet Stern interviews Meat Loaf. Don with Tourette's vs Stuttering John, who interviews the Mets' George Foster.

31

NBT&A Basketball

NBT&A Basketball Game-Howard vs. Nils Lofgren, Russ Salzberg commentary. Celebrity predictions. Game prep with Harlem Globetrotters. Columbia U Marching Band. Porn star Aja talks the national anthem. Nils sings "Sticks and Stones."

32

Female Feud

Female Feud with Hookers vs Callgirls w/Transsexuals. Teddy Kennedy bit. Stutter John cruising for hookers.

33

Rock 'n' Roll

Truth or Dare parody. Heather Hunter, Sandy Korn. Fantasy Makeover. John interviews Tommy LaSorda

34

Heroes of Desert Storm

At McGuire AFB, Bob Hopeless hosts Heroes of Desert Storm tribute. Howard tours the base with Penthouse Pets. Joe Piscopo and Kimberly Driscoll appear. General Larry Fine and Gary as the Statue of Liberty. Judy Tenuta drops by.

35

What's My Secret?

Stuttering John meets Roy Scheider. Howard as Bob Hopeless interviews Bob Hope. Sex Talk with therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who analyzes Howard and wife Alison. What's My Secret with Arlene Francis, Kitty Carlisle Hart, Robin Quivers.

36

Defending Your Show

A show of flashbacks unfolds when Howard dies during nose surgery and in Heaven must defend his show. Reruns of celebrity impersonations, interviews by Stuttering John, Female Feud, Lesbian Dating Game. Nurse Chesty Love comforts Howard.

37

Karaoke

Parodies of Demi Moore on Vanity Fair and Judge Clarence Thomas. Audrey Landers, Bill Paxton, Judd Nelson, Deney Terrio appear. Deney hosts karaoke. Stuttering John interviews Marsha Mason, Keith Hernandez, Jim Bouton, Pia Lindstrom.

38

Pee-wee's Playhouse

Mistress Phlegm Carol Alt Live commercial: Brother P Touch 3 Live commercial: Members Only - Dusty Busty Herve Villechez Live commercial: Terminator 2 coin Pee-wee's Play With Yourself Playhouse Live commercial: Snapple Cowboy Spike & Joie Baby Kevin, Rosemary and James the Human rug Crucified by the FCC commercial The rubber suit