Laverne & Shirley Season 5, Episode 5: What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?

1

Shotgun Wedding (II)

The girls get engaged to Richie and Fonzie to avoid a shotgun wedding. The crossover starts on Happy Days S07E01 Shotgun Wedding (I).

2

One Heckuva Note

Shirley finds an old love note written to Laverne from Carmine. This practically ends the girls friendship.

3

Fat City Holiday

The girls get jobs at a weight loss camp.

4

Upstairs, Downstairs

A fight over returning a wrongly issued check sets the girls to dreaming about Shirley in heaven and Laverne in hell.

5

What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?

Shirley's brother returns home from the Navy, an alcoholic.

6

You've Pushed Me Too Far

Lenny refuses to have anything to do with Squiggy after he pushes him into a garbage can from their second floor apartment window. Laverne and Shirley get the two friends to make up in Squiggy's uncle's wax works museum.

7

The Wedding

Edna accepts a marriage proposal from Frank, who waited to the last minute to ask her. Laverne and Shirley end up singing at their wedding in an all-black gospel choir.

8

Bad Girls

The girls realize things have changed in their old club "The Angora Debs," when they let Edna's niece Vicki join. Finding that it's become a gang of trouble making teenage girls. Can the girls save Vicki and the old Deb spirit as well?

9

You're in the Army, Now (1)

Laverne & Shirley enlist in the W.A.C.s to get even for a missed promotion.

10

You're in the Army, Now (2)

Laverne & Shirley regret joining the Army.

11

Take Two, They're Small

Lenny and Squiggy fix Laverne and Shirley up with computer dates, who turn out to be midgets.

12

The Fourth Annual Shotz Talent Show

Laverne and Shirley are in charge of selecting the acts for the 4th annual Shotz talent show. It starts off with Frank auditioning in Laverne and Shirley's apartment showing them his ventriloquist act. He produces a Laverne doll which cracks Shirley up but Laverne is none too impressed until Frank produces a Shirley doll which Laverne starts laughing at, but now Shirley doesn't find it so funny. They convince Frank that his act is just too good for the show and that he should MC it as usual. He agrees as he doesn't want to show up all the other acts. We then see Laverne and Shirley auditioning acts at Shotz. Upon the end of each act when Laverne and Shirley ask the never seen Mr.Shotz what he thought he of the last act, all we hear is a raspberry. Lenny and Squiggy sings a number called ""I Knew I Should Have Listened To Momma"" which also gets a raspberry. Carmine and Edna come in singing ""Yankee Doodle"" and tap dancing. Mr.Shotz loves this and tells the girls that he wants this year's

13

Testing, Testing

Shotz hires a psychiatrist to evaluate job aptitudes. The gang are all terrified that some deep dark secret, or that all their inadequacies are going to be revealed when they visit the company shrink.

14

Not Quite South of the Border

The girls can't wait to go on a vacation to Mexico. Unfortunately when they get there, they find half of their hotel room missing and that they have to share the room with another woman.

15

You Oughta Be in Pictures

The girls jump at the chance to be the stars in a movie, unaware that the film they will be starring in is an Army hygiene film. Shirley begs Laverne to come and tryout for an acting part in a movie. Laverne agrees and they get to the studio. They subsequently get cast as the two stars of the feature. They have to go and get fitted for wardrobe and when they come out they're wearing cheap, gaudy costumes that Laverne immediately asks if they can keep. They're introduced to their leading men, upon which Shirley finds out that her leading man is gay. The director starts filming the movie and only then the girls find out they're playing hookers in an army hygiene film. When it's all over, we find Laverne and Shirley miserable at home. Then Lenny and Squiggy enter telling them they've just been to see the premiere of the film. Laverne and Shirley asks if anyone recognized them as the hookers. Lenny tells them not to worry, as no one recognized them, but he had to tell everybody it was the

16

The Beatnik Show

Shirley is turned on to Beatnik culture, while visiting a local coffee house one evening. She soon begins wearing black, and moping around the apartment, complaining that nothing in her life is ""cool"" anymore. Laverne then tries to snap her friend out of this Beatnik mindset, so she can go back to being her old self again.

17

The Right to Light

To protest a false bill, the girls chain themselves insde the gas company building, little knowing that another disgruntled customer has planted a bomb in the building. Because the girls are chained to the wall, they can't get out.

18

Why Did the Fireman . . .

Laverne falls for a fireman who is always being called to duty. Before he gets a chance to propose to Laverne, he dies in the line of duty saving many lives.

19

The Collector

The girls try to talk Carmine out of going to work for a loan shark.

20

Murder on the Moosejaw Express (1)

The girls are riding the Moose Jaw Express when a murder victim enters their compartment.

21

Murder on the Moosejaw Express (2)

Laverne and Shirley try to find out who the murderer is.

22

Survival Test

Sargeant Alvina Plout takes the girls on a survival test against the men.

23

The Duke of Squiggmann

Squiggy sleepwalks thinking he is a rich duke.

24

Antonio, the Amazing

Laverne and Shirley are returning from a friend's wedding to find a strange man lying asleep on their sofa. Laverne arms herself with a baseball bat and is about to hit the guy when he turns over and she can't bring herself to hit him as she thinks he's gorgeous. She's just about to kiss him to wake him up when Frank and Edna informs the girls that this is Laverne's cousin from Italy called Antonio. Laverne is miserable that she can't date her cousin, but Shirley exclaims ""He's not my cousin"" and goes for it, only to be reminded by Edna that she's got Carmine. Anotnio greets everybody and announces he's come to America to make his fortune. Antonio is exercising with Lenny and Squiggy, who are teaching him some bad habits, like biting your palm if you like something. The boys leave to go collect hair from the local barber shop and Carmine comes in. Carmine is letting Antonio stay with him while he's in Milwaukee and gives Antonio a t-shirt to wear advertising his dance studio on the bac

25

The Diner

Lenny inherits a greasy spoon diner called 'Laslo's Place', they immediately rename it ""Dead Laslo's Place"". Because Laverne and Shirley are desperate for work, they get hired to cook and waitress the diner. The girls get run off their feet and Shirley ends up running out of the diner screaming in frustration. Frank offers to buy the restaurant from Lenny, which he does, so now Frank has 2 restaurants.

26

Seperate Tables

Shirley is building a lollipop stick model of her dream house. Laverne walks in wanting to go to the movies, but Shirley just wants to build her house in peace. Laverne starts to muscle in on Shirley's model and Shirley tells Laverne to go to see the movie on her own. Laverne doesn't want to and this prompts Shirley to ask Laverne is she's afraid to go on her own. Laverne says she's not afraid of nothing, and storms out. later she comes back and tells Shirley how good the movie was. Shirley thinking she went on her own, congratulates Laverne, Mrs. Kolchek walks in and it turns out that Laverne dragged the old woman from her bed to go to the movie with her rather than go on her own. Shirley tells Laverne she has a problem, and that she's probably very insecure. Laverne realizes Shirley is right, so Shirley books them both a table at a new Chinese restaurant where they'll both be eating at separate tables to try to cure Laverne of her monophobia. The next day we see Shirley being seated