You Can't Do That on Television Season 9, Episode 7: Security

1

Choice

Where No Man Has Gone Before will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ted decides whether or not to tell Chris about his being turned down for a part in a Hollywood movie.

30 min

2

Chores

Hulk Hogan Tidies His Room will not be seen at this time so that we may present... In order to get the cast to clean the set, Ross makes the cleaning part of the sketches.

30 min

3

Communication

E.T. Phones Home and Gets a $1,000,000 Phone Bill will not be seen at this time so that we may present... An alien ship is approaching Earth and causes the show's transmission satellites to malfunction. The Aliens have come in search of Green Slime.

30 min

4

Fitness

Jane Fonda Overworked will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Kevin is having trouble writing this episode as it is being filmed. In the sketches, the cast makes fun of exercise programs. Ted, as the Fitness Genie, makes Rekha's fitness program impossible.

30 min

5

Malfunctions

Batman's Hairdryer Fries Robin will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The studio's cameras keep breaking because of Ted's ugliness.

30 min

6

Cleanliness

Mr. Clean Falls Into a Tar Pit will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross makes the cast wear sailor suits to prepare for a visit from the Senate's Committee to Clean Television. In the end, the inspector only wants to be sure the camera lenses are clean.

30 min

7

Security

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turkeys will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast wants to take martial arts lessons, but have to teach themselves because the show's budget can't afford an instructor.

30 min

8

Pollution

The Love Boat Becomes a Garbage Barge will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast talks about the major dangers to the environment.

30 min

9

Fantasy

Fantasy Island Becomes a Volcano will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross has a box that can grant anyone's wishes. He plans to give it to the producer's daughter. The rest of the cast has all their dreams come true.

30 min

10

Time

The Days of Our Lives will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The budget for the show has been cut so it must be filmed in black and white. All the kids go into a decolorization machine. When the producers realize that color shows are more profitable the kids can't switch back. In their attempts to overcome the glitch, they turn the show into a silent movie at the end.

30 min

11

Mistakes

George Bush Shoots the Wrong Quail will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast looks at their mistakes, and Ross has to confront some of his errors.

30 min

12

Punishments

Mothers of the World Paddle Rambo will not be seen at this time so that we may present... To improve the ratings, and to punish the cast for bad acting, Ross sees to it that at least one cast member is slimed between each sketch.

30 min

13

Beliefs

Elvis Presley Is Alive and Working In a Supermarket will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast debates the fantasy and reality of people's beliefs.

30 min

14

Age

Michael Jackson Gets Old and Wrinkled will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross drags Vanessa back onto the show 3 years after she left because she still has an episode under her contract (because the Adoption episode was banned). Meanwhile, Chris is nervous about being fired because of his upcoming birthday and fear that he has reached ""the age"".

30 min

15

Excess

The Fat Boys Eat New York will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show deals with the problems of excess: too much slime, too many cast members, too much wardrobe, etc...

30 min

16

Looking Cool

Pee-Wee Herman Wins the Mr. Macho America Contest will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast is willing to do anything to become cool.

30 min

17

Lost

Superman Loses His Tights will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Nick enlists the help of the Genie of the Lost Sock to find Chris' jacket and a camera the Nick borrowed from Ross. In the search, he finds everything that every cast member of the show since it first went on the air had lost.

30 min

18

Failure

Ross doesn't show up for work, leaving the kids to run this week's show.

30 min

19

First Times

The Wright Brothers Lost Their Luggage will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross tries to improve the show's ratings by having this episode be the first to be shot in several different locations.

30 min

20

Celebrations

Parents and Teachers Celebrate the Cancellation of You Can't Do That On Television will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross decides to show how all of the countries around the world celebrate special events.

30 min

21

Effort

Rambo Thinks will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Some of the cast members try to do certain things, all unsuccessfully. Nick tries to remember his name, Sariya tries to keep her new hairstyle from getting slimed, Christian tries to nice to Jennifer, and Jennifer tries to wear a dress.

30 min

22

Sports

Roseanne Barr Goes Synchronized Swimming will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross goes sports crazy. He makes Chris use the eternal flame to light the gas grill, causing him to blow up, he uses special effects to give Carlos athletes foot, and he uses a ""Test Your Strength"" machine to scam the cast out of money.

30 min

23

Smoking

Green Slime is Scraped from Smokers Lungs will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast really begins to think that green slime is made from the mucus from the lungs of smokers.

30 min

24

Generosity

Batman Gives Away His Batmobile will not be seen at this time so that we may present... In order to get him slimed, Chris lets Patrick do the introduction. The make-up lady makes Stephanie look like a senior citizen. When the boom mike breaks, Ross makes Christian hang from the ceiling to operate the mike.

30 min

25

Embarrassment

Rambo Takes Ballet Lessons will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross, in an effort to embarrass the cast, has their parents come to the studio.

30 min