Family Ties Season 3, Episode 11: Don't Kiss Me, I'm Only the Messenger

1

The Gambler

Elyse is stricken with gambling fever on a business trip to Atlantic City, and while on a roll with Alex's "foolproof" blackjack system, she's oblivious to her family and job. Excited at the prospect of having his system put to the test, Alex urges his folks to "go for the gold", but Elyse insists her trip is strictly business. Finally, she's persuaded to try her hand at blackjack. Swept away on a seemingly endless winning streak, Elyse doesn't show up at the architects' convention, ignores her family's needs and casts all financial caution to the wind.

25 min

2

Here We Go Again

The news that their mother is pregnant sends the three Keaton kids into an angry outburst resulting in a family battle. The children react with panic and outrage at the though of having a baby around, and the Keaton household is in turmoil while Elyse tries to make them see the brighter side of the situation.

24 min

3

Little Man on Campus

Alex is thrilled to be taking a college course taught by one of his personal heroes, Professor Ephraim Bronski, but in his eagerness to impress the teacher he gets off to a bad start and is humiliated by his idol when he fails the first class assignment.

25 min

4

Love Thy Neighbor

Little Jennifer is thrilled about a visit from Scott, a former neighborhood pal she hasn't seen in five years, but her happiness at the reunion is shattered when he ignores her in favor of her older sister, Mallory. To win Scott's attention, Jennifer dresses up in a flirtatious outfit and goes to the restaurant where he is having dinner with Mallory.

25 min

5

Keaton and Son

Alex reluctantly accepts a part-time job with his father at the non-profit station, and his dad is bursting with pride to have him following in his footsteps, but Alex feels his talents are being wasted. Steven is excited to have Alex working with him and begins planning their future together, but Alex tries to convince his dad that he has other goals.

24 min

6

Fabric Smarts

Mallory's enthusiasm for her part-time job at a boutique causes her school grades to slip even lower than usual and Steven and Elyse agree that she must quit work, but Alex comes up with a proposal that could resolve the situation. Alex has his own reasons for wanting Mallory to keep her job, it keeps her away from the house, so he initiates a plan that will allow her to work and improve her grades at the same time.

25 min

7

Hotline Fever

Alex is teamed with long-time rival James Jarrett and assigned to work at a ""hotline"" crisis center to fulfill a course requirement, and the two end up in a crisis of their own when they get a call from a suicidal student. As an economics student, Alex finds it demeaning to be forced into a public service position, but his experiences at the crisis center gives him a new outlook on life.

24 min

8

4 Rms Ocn Vu

While Steven and Elyse are away on vacation, the Keaton house becomes a hotel for the weekend after Mallory accidentally crashes her parents' car into a telephone pole and the kids need to raise money for auto repairs. A lot of people are in town for the Leland homecoming game, so Alex decides to take advantage of the situation and rent out rooms but suddenly he's swamped with renters and the house looks like a three-ring circus.

25 min

9

Best Man

When his best friend, Doug, meets and falls in love with Eleanor, and decides to marry her, Alex resents the fact that someone has come between their friendship and refuses to be in the wedding. Alex cannot accept the fact that he and everyone around him are growing up, and desperately clings to his old ways.

25 min

10

Lost Weekend

Steven and Elyse plan a nostalgic weekend with the kids before the baby arrives, and are crushed to discover that the children are not at all interested in reminiscing about old times, they'd rather be with their friends. Elyse's camping trip with Mallory and Jennifer is cut short when she realizes that the girls are bored to death, while Steven's plans to spend time with Alex at home are crushed when his son leaves on a date.

25 min

11

Don't Kiss Me, I'm Only the Messenger

Alex plays Cupid to help his shy pal Skippy get together with Jane, the girl of his dreams, but his good intentions goes awry when the girl falls for him instead. When Skippy and Mallory find Alex locked in a passionate embrace with Jane, Skippy accuses him of stealing his girl.

24 min

12

Help Wanted

Because of Elyse's pregnancy, the family decides to get a housekeeper, so Alex hires the lovely Karen Nicholson, a totally incompetent young lady whom the family immediately adores but Steven insists she must be fired. Despite the fact that Karen has no domestic skills and is rapidly destroying every appliance in the house, the kids love her and Steven has a difficult time trying to fire her.

25 min

13

Karen II, Alex 0

Alex's chances or acceptance into a smug college fraternity are dependent upon his having a knockout date for the pledge dance and when the girl cancels he pleads with Karen, the housekeeper, to accompany him but his problems are far from resolved when they arrive at the dance. Karen reluctantly agrees to be Alex's date, but does not tell him why she is so hesitant to go.

25 min

14

Oh Donna

Alex becomes involved with Donna, a young, unwed expectant mother from Elyse's natural-childbirth class but his interest in her becomes an obsession when he starts planning for her child's future and acting as if they were a real family. Donna is flattered by Alex's concern for her and her unborn baby, but soon begins to realize that he is becoming a little bit too helpful.

25 min

15

Auntie Up

Mallory is crushed when her favorite aunt dies suddenly, but her feelings of sadness turns to anger when family and friends at the funeral seem to be taking Aunt Trudy's death too lightly. Mallory feels that she has lost her best friend, and is shocked that no one else seems to share her grief.

25 min

16

Philadelphia Story

The Keaton family is transported back in time when Alex dreams he is at the Constitutional Convention at 1776, but history is off track. Steven Keaton is Thomas Jefferson and has just turned down John Adams' request to write the Declaration of Independence, so it's up to Alex to convince him to do it. Alex falls asleep while working on a college term paper on Thomas Jefferson and dreams that his family and friends are living 200 years ago.

25 min

17

Birth of a Keaton (1)

To help Steven during pledge week at his TV station, the Keatons reluctantly agree to be a part of the entertainment, but the audience gets an unexpected show when Elyse goes into labor right on camera while in the middle of a song. Elyse realizes that the baby is on the way. she and the kids begin to panic when they realize that Steven had to rush home to fix a plumbing problem and is now trapped there by a snowstorm. His TV set shows him what's happening at the station.

25 min

18

Birth of a Keaton (2)

Still trapped at the television station, Elyse realizes she cannot make it thru the snowstorm to the hospital and prepares to gibe birth in Steven's office. Meanwhile, stuck at home by the same storm, Steven enlists the help of Bud the plumber and his truck, and heads for the hospital, thinking Elyse will be there. Elyse makes a plea on camera to Steven, wherever he is, to come to the station, so Steven, the doctor, the plumber and Skippy all frantically head for WKS, hoping they arrive in time for the birth.

24 min

19

Cry Baby

The Keaton family adjusts to life with the new baby but while everyone caters to the new arrival, Jennifer struggles with jealous feelings about not being the baby of the family anymore. When Steven and Elyse realize that Jennifer feels left out, they overcompensate by trying too hard to make her feel loved.

25 min

20

Don't Know Much About History...

Alex and his good friend James go into business together as tutors for their fellow students at Leland. However, their competitiveness threatens to undermine their business let alone their friendship particularly when one of their students turns out to be a very attractive young lady.

25 min

21

Bringing Up Baby

With two careers, three bickering children and one demanding baby, Steven and Elyse can't seem to find any time for each other. But when they do finally take the time for a quiet evening alone, they miss all the chaos.

25 min

22

Cold Storage

With the rest of the family away for the weekend, Mallory is excited about having the house to herself until she is accidentally locked in the basement with the person she'd least like to be with her adoring neighbor, Skippy. The mismatched pair do, however, come up with a unique way to keep warm and share some tender moments while waiting for their rescue.

25 min

23

Remembrances of Things Past

Steven takes a nostalgic trip to his hometown following the death of his father and, with the support of Elyse and the children, tries to prepare his mother for her new life in a special two-part episode. Good and bad memories of Steven's childhood (including flashbacks to his boyhood) are stirred up as he sorts thru family photos and heirlooms. But an on-going rivalry with his older brother Robert, and the unsettled feelings he has about his dad make it a difficult period of adjustment for everyone.

45 min