The Osbournes Season 2, Episode 5: Beauty and the Bert

1

Catching Up with the Osbournes

Sharon looks back on Season 1 and reflects on the show’s sudden, massive impact on the Osbournes’ lives.

2

What Goes Up...

Jack finds amusement in handling the stream of annoying tourists flocking to the house since the show’s breakout success. Meanwhile, Kelly preps for her MTV Awards debut, and Ozzy and Sharon head to Washington, D.C.

3

Must Come Down

Sharon retreats to the family’s Malibu beach house to recover after receiving unexpected health news, while Ozzy battles to stay sober on tour under the weight of it all.

4

The Ozz Man and the Sea

While Kelly heads to Europe for press and Jack films a guest spot on Dawson’s Creek in North Carolina, Ozzy tries to lift Sharon’s spirits by building a beachside fire so she can enjoy the outdoors.

5

Beauty and the Bert

Kelly gets a new boyfriend but keeps him far from home, worried the family will scare him off before he even makes it through the door.

6

Smells Like Teen Spirits

Sharon reconnects with her father after more than two decades of silence, while Ozzy discovers a newfound obsession with burritos. Meanwhile, Jack and Kelly’s late-night partying leaves their parents thoroughly unimpressed.

7

Meow Means No!

Kelly brings in her friend Sarah to drum for her band, while Jack’s buddy Dill returns for another stay. Meanwhile, one freshly fixed dog gets a little too friendly with the rest of the animals.

8

It's a Hard Knock Life

As Kelly’s career heats up, she grows weary of the nonstop interviews and photo shoot, prompting Ozzy to step in with some fatherly support.

9

Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness

Ozzy grows increasingly anxious about Sharon's health. Her immune system is shot from the chemo, and the dogs run wild through the house. He cleans obsessively, urging everyone to wear gloves and masks.

10

Viva Ozz Vegas

The family decides to go to Las Vegas for Kelly's 18th birthday.

11

My Big Fat Jewish Wedding

Sharon and Ozzy plan to renew their vows on New Year’s Eve, but not everyone’s on board. Kelly objects to the rabbi officiating since they’re not Jewish, and Ozzy is less than enthusiastic about the preparations.

12

What a Boy Wants

Kelly officially declares war on Christina Aguilera, while Jack has simpler ambitions - he just wants to celebrate his birthday at Medieval Times.

13

Flea's a Crowd

A flea infestation wreaks havoc on the Osbourne household, leaving the pets frantic and the family itchy and miserable.

14

Run Ozzy Run

Ozzy keeps up his training with a goal to run five miles on his 54th birthday. The family celebrates with a party, capped off by a homemade fireworks show from Jack and Robert.

15

Fists of Fury

While Ozzy and Sharon escape to Hawaii for a short vacation, Jack throws a rowdy pool party that annoys Kelly and Melinda, and ends in total disaster.

16

Mama, I'm Staying Home

With the family off to New York, Ozzy is thrilled to have the house to himself. Sharon hopes he’ll bond with Robert, but the two mostly steer clear of each other.

17

Tennis Racket

After accepting a peace offering from her folk-singing neighbors, Sharon finds no peace at all—the neighbors on the other side take up tennis, playing obsessively at all hours. As sleepless nights mount, three of the Osbournes’ cats vanish without a trace, and Sharon begins to suspect foul play.

18

A Little Ditty About Jack and Brieann

Jack pays a visit to Courtney Love’s home and meets Brieann, Kurt Cobain’s sister, who’s staying there. Meanwhile, Sharon is unexpectedly moved after discovering Jack’s secret tattoo.

19

Angler Management

After 17 years of anticipation, Ozzy fulfils his dream of taking Jack on a fishing trip, but the outing doesn’t go quite as planned.

20

Bye Bye Babies

Jack and Robert travel to England to visit the Osbournes’ old family estate. With Kelly away on tour as well, Sharon finds herself missing both children—while Ozzy stumbles upon a long-lost keyboard from his Black Sabbath days.

21

Ozz Well That Ends Well

Kelly’s relationship with Bert crashes and burns when he breaks up with her over the phone on Valentine’s Day, claiming no one took him seriously while they were together. Meanwhile, Jack grows uneasy after discovering he’s been acting out violently in his sleep.

22

The Osbourne Family Christmas Special

The Osbournes go all out for Christmas, throwing a star-studded holiday bash featuring cooking segments, carols, a visit from Santa, and their own offbeat take on 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.