Masyanya Season 3, Episode 77: Coffee Masyanya-Style

58

Flooders

The term "flooders" originally referred simply to people who posted too much in chats and guestbooks. In Russia, however, it took on a somewhat different meaning — describing the generation of "early internet users." The internet wasn't always the common space it is today; back in the 90s and early 2000s, a distinct social layer formed around it, with its own culture and communication style. It even gave rise to a peculiar "paradoxical" way of thinking, shaped by the nature of online existence — and that's exactly what this episode is about.

59

Bloopers

On the site this episode is listed as "The X-Files" or "Masyanya making of", but neither felt quite right, so it's been renamed to the more fitting "Bloopers." Any self-respecting film project includes bonus materials on DVD — usually a collection of bloopers and gags from the set. So, to coincide with the official Masyanya DVD release, this episode was made as a parody of the ever-popular blooper reels. The DVD wasn't a success, though — by that point the market was already flooded with dirt-cheap pirated DVDs stuffed with cartoons crudely ripped from SWF files. Such were the Russian realities of the time. :)

60

A Crappy Day, or Masyanya in the Fog

This episode has a pretty transparent allusion to "Hedgehog in the Fog." I'm personally not a fan of that beloved classic, sorry. So this is a little jab at it — though not the main point. Just a passing dig. The real theme is those mysterious days when absolutely everything goes wrong — every corner, every step, every object snaps at you like a wild animal. On days like that, the only solution is to lock yourself in a wardrobe "just in cases," as they say. ;)

61

Money-Money

The idea here wasn't even to make a parody — but an exact REPLICA of a legendary music video. Compare it with the original and you'll see that even the short cuts are the same length. Everything is practically shot-for-shot, frame-for-frame. Why, you ask? Hell if I know, I'll answer. It just felt fun. Some music videos have long since become cult symbols of their era, and the temptation was to try those clothes on Masyanya — to see things "through the lens," so to speak, to run it through yourself..

62

The Temptation of Lokhmatiy

The episode is essentially just an illustration of Masyanya's rather anarchic worldview and lifestyle. Though, it seems to me, what's actually more interesting isn't even the main plot about celebrating a divorce — but the opening, where Lokhmatiy first feels like a third wheel, and then just... unnecessary altogether. Honestly feel sorry for him, even as the author. I've been in situations like that quite a few times myself, and it cuts surprisingly deep. You start thinking — why am I even here, just "taking up space" and "burning through air." It's a good thing when there's someone in your life to remind you that you're not just another spare bag of guts. :)

63

Anatomical Theatre

Just an episode about a theatre. And technically a "New Year's" one. Why exactly it's called "anatomical" here is hard to say precisely. It's just a cool word combination. And the word "anatomy" for me is associated with a kind of "getting to the essence of things." The episode is an attempt at an autobiographical cartoon. If I made one episode about every job I had "before Masyanya" — that'd be enough for a whole season. :) In this case it's my experience working as a furniture mover at the Leningrad Comedy Theatre. Two years I spent moving furniture there, which I have absolutely no regrets about — it was a lot of fun.

64

Gandhi, or Find the Fool

An episode about games. Ordinary games. Games in general are basically the very essence of human psychology. A normal human being in a normal state of mind tends to turn everything into a game. That's how we simulate situations and train ourselves while having fun. Incredibly useful trait. :)

65

Manuke — Runet Police

These days, thanks to Google and antivirus software, spam has become somewhat more manageable. But just about 10 years ago it really seemed like spam was going to kill the internet stone dead, bury it completely. Nowadays we've more or less learned to filter it out and blacklist spammers, though it still seeps through sometimes. The main mystery remains — who on earth orders this stuff, and does it actually work? And the key thing is — they do leave their contact info, otherwise what kind of advertising would it even be. Meaning the people ordering spam are actually known. So why not punish the bastards, one might ask.. and that's where the plot comes from.

66

The Sparrow

The episode is named on the principle of "if a word is not a sparrow, then this cartoon is exactly the opposite — a sparrow." It's obviously not about birds at all. In my opinion this is the perfect Masyanya episode. Everything in it is spot on — the setup, the middle, the resolution, all perfectly balanced. And the art is pleasant and the voice acting too. The theme is admittedly light, but very true to life.

67

The Fate of a Nihilist, or Che

Remember Bazarov from "Fathers and Sons"? Should still be on the school curriculum. Well, that book never gave me any peace until I made this episode. At school they taught us that Bazarov is, supposedly, a nihilist. A nihilist — meaning someone who denies everything. God, I wrestled with this thought for years — what kind of nihilist is Bazarov, for crying out loud? Sid Vicious is a nihilist, or Nina Hagen, or Svin from our scene — now there's the most nihilistic nihilist of all time — but Bazarov? What kind of nihilist is this boring nerd supposed to be?

68

Moratorium (Diet)

Anyone who has, by chance, ever dealt with girls in their life knows that they all periodically fall into a phase of self-torment known as "a diet." Though of course it's not only girls and not only food. Self-mortification is one of humanity's greatest quirks. That said, I won't claim it's a completely useless thing.

69

In Paradise They Don't Take Money

"No crocodile plizz!!!" :))) Like many people, I've had those moments when after a fun night out you wake up in a completely bizarre place. In those moments you think, maybe it's time to drink a little less. I had quite a few of those moments, but the time I woke up in Namibia — that was already slightly too much. This episode was made after that wonderful trip, which, I must confess, doesn't convey even a hundredth of the sheer delight of ending up somewhere like that. Especially great when everything still turns out fine in the end. Almost none of what I wanted to cram into the episode actually fit, but alas, the short cartoon format dictates its own terms...

70

Discouragement

You've surely had this happen too — suddenly a brilliant idea pops into your head. Genuinely brilliant. You start running with it, bringing it to life. This is going to be amazing, you think. And then suddenly — bam — the idea turns out to be complete garbage. And you laugh at yourself for thinking a minute ago it was genius. This is a normal process. A healthy person is practically obligated to constantly be chasing their next "brilliant idea." Even knowing that in most cases the idea will turn out to be crappy. Doesn't matter — what counts is the thinking-and-dreaming process! Really good ideas only appear in the flow of bad ones. Never stop and never despair!

71

Boyan

When Einstein died, his last words died with him — the nurse didn't speak German. Singer Nick Cave was born with a little tail. G. Washington grew marijuana in his garden. Napoleon suffered from ailurophobia — a fear of cats. There is no word in Russian or English for the back of the knee. A human has fewer muscles than a caterpillar, and the brain is 80% water. :))

72

Night Elf

This episode is naturally dedicated to World of Warcraft, to which so much precious personal lifetime has been donated. It's a genius game that became the most famous in the realm of online gaming and made, one might say, a world revolution. Not everyone understands what exactly the "revolution" was about, but those who need to — will get it. The arrival of WoW will go down in history as a major breakthrough, and in about 100 years kids will probably think it was the very first computer game ever made. This thing left a deep mark on my soul and brain, you could write novels about it, honestly. :))

73

Ten Dead Raccoons

Here the raccoon is a stand-in for Lokhmatiy — his symbolic embodiment, so to speak. So despite the unusual format, this is still a pure Masyanya cartoon. The song lyrics become more relevant with every passing year. This is a parody of the music video and song by German punk band Die Toten Hosen called "Zehn Kleine Jägermeister." I have a lot of personal memories tied to that video. But the lyrics are of course completely different. That song itself is in turn based on a children's counting rhyme. The Russian equivalent of that rhyme goes "Ten Little Black Boys went swimming in the sea."

74

The Cousin

I really like this episode. Though it could have been made a bit more neatly. I don't know about you, but I've come across "cousins" like this quite often. You can't exactly call her stupid — however, the moment such a cousin opens her mouth, out pours just a remarkable torrent, a veritable tsunami, of clichés and stock phrases. People like this fill me with complete and utter delight (in the ironic sense) :))) The mechanism is simple — having not a single original thought of their own, such people rely entirely on things they've heard, seen and read. Some of them can even skillfully create the impression of being fairly intelligent, concealing absolute inner emptiness behind a large collection of borrowed bits and pieces. Though such people don't entertain for long. Careful here — after about 10 minutes of cheerful conversation you may unexpectedly feel like hanging yourself.

75

New Year's Round

Well, this isn't quite a full episode — more like an extended New Year's card for the approaching 2006, which would, alas, turn out to be the studio's final year.

76

To All Persons

I have to say I never liked cars and always preferred the metro. Even when I got my license and even bought a car — still preferred the metro. I'd happily prefer a bicycle if it weren't for St. Petersburg's climate, which actively nudges you toward the warm and dry underground. And all my life, hanging from a handrail in the morning, I had to stare at those idiotic "rules for metro use." And in almost 40 years of my life in Petersburg those rules never changed, not once it seems. And if you, dude, are forced to hang in the crush right across from those rules with no player on you — you're forced to read them. I must have read them several thousand times. And naturally I hate those rules with every fibre of my being, as they say, because it's violence against the brain. As a result I always desperately wanted to do exactly what they forbid, point by point.

77

Coffee Masyanya-Style

An episode about a Masyanya workday morning. One of the few episodes with not a single line of dialogue. Just frantic morning action around the challenge of managing to make coffee while half-asleep. Normal black coffee in a cezve. This can be a very difficult task.

78

Russian Traffico

Making cartoons out of anger is against my usual principles. Because nothing good ever comes from anger. Aggression only breeds aggression. But unfortunately, dealing with "Russian traffico" on a daily basis, there's no stopping the total extinction of one's nerve cells. As far as I know the situation hasn't changed one bit since this episode came out, alas.

79

Loser

Essentially a parody music video based on Beck's "Loser." If you don't know it — easy enough to find on YouTube. Though this cartoon has nothing to do with the original video. Just the idea and the melody. The idea of a person who has accepted the karma of a loser and is generally quite comfortable living with it. The idea also being that in a world as crooked and thoroughly fake as ours, it's actually more abnormal to NOT be a loser.

80

The Druids' Tree

One of my favorite episodes, even if it's far from the funniest. The humor here is a little more, shall we say, sophisticated. The ability to appreciate the beauty of the mess you've gotten yourself into, the beauty of a proper letdown — is a rare but extremely useful quality. Paradoxical and even absurd, one has to admit. And yet there are situations where it genuinely seems like the universe is skillfully and deliberately trolling you. And at some point you start laughing along with it, despite the fact that the main target of the prank is you yourself. Because the universe sometimes trolls with absolute mastery. :) The episode is based on real events, practically speaking. In the Leningrad region there really was at some point a certain super-ancient oak tree, which was unexpectedly and carelessly cut down by collective farm workers. But the cartoon isn't about that — see the first paragraph.

81

The Mirror

Almost, damn it, like Tarkovsky. :)) This deceptively simple silent episode actually presents us with a practically complete spectrum of a person's relationship with their own reflection. Not with themselves — no, that's a different opera entirely. Specifically with the reflection. With one's own self-image inside one's own head, so to speak. A problematic zone, needless to say. For some people there's a whole novel in there...

82

The Penguin

The episode is called "The Penguin" because at the end of the cartoon, completely out of nowhere, penguins show up. I'm fully aware, by the way, that this isn't a very good reason to name a cartoon that. But, well, there was an episode called "The Sparrow" before this, and some other animals along the way, so why not. In any case the cartoon is really about sounds. Or rather about the constant level of noise that a modern city dweller lives in. In short it's a mess — even though we mostly don't notice the noise out of habit, the moment you accidentally pay attention to it, that's it, you can't shake the thought anymore. Finding silence, however, is no simple task. Especially inner silence. Because we carry all our noise with us — that's really the main reason. Noise has already become part of our modernized human nature.

83

The Nerpa

The episode was made during a brief friendship between Masyanya and Greenpeace. This one is actually not quite a standard episode and isn't on the site, since it's partly "affiliated." However I like it and let it be here for the collection. Besides, this cartoon contains the word "Scuricat," which in my opinion significantly elevates this episode's importance in the history of humanity... The nerpa seals of Baikal are indeed dying off fast, given that they're being rather generously helped along in that process. I don't like it when things die. Greenpeace is perhaps the only organization in the world whose goals and objectives I actually like. Everyone else are bastards. Though of course practice almost always diverges from good intentions. But screw it. The nerpas are just plain pitiful. The Baikal ones and the Ladoga ones, of which there are barely any left. Scuricat!